#136 Releasing Perfection to Find Your Purpose with Tallia Deljou — Martina Fink

Tallia Deljou has a Master's degree in Positive Psychology and is a life coach helping people find their path, honor their gifts, and connect to their purpose. Through her signature coaching program, Power by Purpose, and her Forbes' featured podcast, Sincerely Me, Tallia gives people the tools to break through their fears and stories and pursue meaning with clarity and confidence. Her work continues to be featured across platforms including Forbes, Fortune, Real Simple, Business Insider, and Well + Good.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

How to stop looking for happiness in the "next thing"
How to shift out of an overthinking mindset into taking one babystep forward towards your purposeful life
Why your answers are in your fears
How to redefine success in a way that feels good and isn't just achievement based
Why you can perfectionize your self-care + why you should not do that
How to not stress about not knowing what's next

And so much more!

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Work with Martina
Download your free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionists
Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab
Pussy - by Regena Thomashauer
Myndmap Planner (https://www.myndmap.co)

CONNECT WITH TALLIA

instagram.com/talliadeljou
talliadeljou.com
Sincerely Me Podcast

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 136. With Tallia Deljou. Welcome to the glow life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence and learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down and use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Martina Fink 1:03

Welcome back to the glow life Podcast. I am grateful that you are here. And today I'm bringing on one of my beautiful friends, Talia and we are going to talk a lot about your purpose and how to find your purpose how to get clarity when you're feeling overwhelmed when you're overthinking everything and how to take simple steps forward out of that life where you might be kind of okay with your life. But it's just not exciting enough and not fulfilling enough. And before we dive into that, I want to share a tip with you the glow Tip of the Week. And this one is a simple one. But it's also not that easy. Sometimes it's to buy yourself flowers. I had a situation recently where I was buying tulips and it was a packet of like 15 to lips for $5, which is a really, really low price for flowers, right? And I instantly grabbed two so 32 lips. And a couple seconds later, I started feeling guilty. I was saying to myself or I was hearing the mean voice to myself say you don't need to you can just buy one, it's enough to just have one, why would you buy two, and we're talking about $5 it's clearly not about the money. It's about the worthiness and accepting that I actually am worthy of buying 30 tulips, you know. And so the next time you go to the flower store, buy yourself some flowers. And notice the story that comes up for you that fear in your mind tells you that you don't need flowers, that flowers are only two gifts to other people and not to yourself. And you will have to throw them away in a couple of days or that they're too expensive or that you don't need them like whatever it is that comes up, be mindful of that and then tell yourself that you actually do deserve them. Flowers are so beautiful. And I have one here in front of my computer and it smells so good. And it's also just so pretty. It makes me so happy to look at flowers. And I'm sure you feel the same way. So go get yourself some flowers this week and spoil yourself with whatever flower with however many you want to get. Go for it. And now let's bring on my beautiful friend Talia del Shu who has a master's degree in positive psychology and is a life coach that helps people find their path, honor their gifts and connected to their purpose through her signature coaching program called power by purpose and her Forbes featured podcast sincerely me. Talia gives people the tools to break through their fears and stories and pursue meaning with clarity and confidence. Her work continues to be featured across platforms including Forbes fortune, real simple, Business Insider and well and good. In today's episode Talia and I talk about how to stop looking for happiness in the next thing aka outside of you how to shift out of an overthinking mindset into taking one baby step forward towards your purposeful life while your answers are in your fears how to redefine success in a way that feels good and that isn't just achievement based why you can perfection is your self care and why you should not do that, how to not stress about knowing what's next and so much more and you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 136 Welcome Talia. I am so grateful and so excited to have you on the podcast today.

Tallia Deljou 4:51

Thank you so much for having me. I feel like this was destined and meant to be and we will. Yeah, we'll see what comes up in this conversation because I'm sure we could go for days.

Martina Fink 5:02

I know, I know so much to talk about, around the things that we have experienced and the things that we work with, with our clients on. And so one of the things that you're really big on is clarity and finding your purpose really, like why am I here? What am I doing? And before we dive into all those details, I would love to know, what your experience was that actually brought you to your purpose.

Tallia Deljou 5:27

Yeah, that's a great place to start. So I think for me, you know, as, as far back as I can remember, my mind has always been filled with questions, and curiosity around what makes life worth living and what gives us a sense of identity and like, what is purpose and what makes life meaningful. And a lot of those questions were shaped from just kind of experiencing my mom for years up until today, really searching for herself and searching for her purpose and kind of chasing happiness and thinking she's going to find it in the next thing right outside of herself. And, you know, it's hard to see that it's hard to watch that. And that's, you know, when you observe that happening, like you start to see the ways and the things you've been looking for that thing in, clearly are working. You kind of just see, you know, I've seen her kind of stuck in that same cycle for years and years and years. And that ultimately led me to wanting to pursue kind of higher education and all of this and get my master's in positive psychology, which really helped me find the answers to these questions that were just naturally kind of like, in my mind already. And so that's, that's really what kind of shaped who I am. And we'll talk about this in terms of my philosophy around purpose. But I think purpose is really being in the most authentic expression of who you are, and finding answers to the questions that come So naturally, and that you're kind of curiosities already tied to you. And so for me, it's, it's what I do now is helping other people find it, but it's also just who I am. Like, it's what I think about when I wake up, it's what gets me to feel my emotions, it's all of those things combined in one. So I've been lucky in that I've really been in touch with that thing for as long as I can remember, because it was such a big part of my day to day experience in reality, and I knew that's what I was experiencing. I'm sure other people are also asking the same questions, but don't really know where to turn to find answers. So that's a little bit of the background story in terms of what got me to, to doing this work today.

Martina Fink 7:27

Yeah, I love that you mentioned that you're helping others now. Because we always feel that we're the only one with whatever it is, we're struggling with, whether it's you know, the breakup, or the not knowing what to do, or having lack of clarity or being really hard on yourself, we always feel like we're the only ones. And knowing that like is that whatever I'm experiencing, most probably someone else is experiencing or has experienced the same thing. And that's just so powerful, and a beautiful reminder to know that we're not alone in this. And that's why we have such beautiful communities where women can come together that are experiencing similar things. I feel like that's like, that's because you and I, that's why you and I connect so well, too, because we have like some similar experiences that we're going through.

Tallia Deljou 8:19

Yeah, I mean, that's what that's what creates connection. That's what creates a sense of belonging. And I think that's why you and I love running group programs, because we know the value like yes, there's value in doing this work on your own and in like the self reflection ways and whatnot. But we're missing such a big piece of the puzzle for doing it on our own. And so much of I think what people walk away with is not just the kind of clarity that comes from doing the work, but also the like feeling held feeling supported feeling seeing there is such a healing component to this work that can only really habit in groups. And I know people are hesitant to let themselves be seen in the mess of it all. But there's something so beautiful about inviting people into that part of your journey and story. And I know you and I like it lights us up to facilitate that and create those spaces and also be in those spaces ourselves and let ourselves be seen and whatever we need to be seen in.

Martina Fink 9:16

Yeah, and I was just listening to this book called Pussy by Regina Thomas shower on my walk today and she was talking about how you know for me, that's the glow for her she talks about radiance and she was saying how your radiance can come out in the presence of other women. It's almost like we light each other up to bring that radiance out of you. And since we are I don't want to say we because we are in this space but someone who is just you know, working and hustling and going to the office every day and overworking themselves and working from home and working on the weekends and during their vacation. All of that stuff like you're completely disconnected from your radiance because you're not putting yourself in environments where this glow can eventually come up and come out of you.

Tallia Deljou 10:03

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean everything. We're relational beings, everything happens in relationship, right? Yes with ourselves, but but especially in relationship with other people, because that's where the triggers come. And that's what that's where our lessons really reveal themselves. So yeah, I think I love that idea of like the radiance and the glow, and it being something we can pull out of each other when we come together.

Martina Fink 10:26

Yeah, so let's talk about clarity and purpose. Because the the women I work with are usually, you know, very hard working and often overwhelmed, easily stressed out irritable, because all they do is I always say work, eat, sleep, repeat. And that's, you know, gets you to a point where you're like, is this really it? And you're like, mid 30s, you're wondering, is this really it? Or is there something else? You already know that there's something missing? But it's often very difficult to say, what is it that is missing? And then also, what do I even do? Because I'm already certain age and Can I still change my career? Or what if I quit my job and don't find another one? Or like, you know, things in relationships. So it's something really difficult for them where they're overthinking, and are feeling also overwhelmed with the possibilities and the options, and maybe right now in 2021, not being able to do certain things you would want to do. And so what would you do with such a client that comes to you is like, please help me I don't know where to start. But I know there's something more in life.

Tallia Deljou 11:33

Yeah. I mean, so we would go in so many different directions, I think the first thing would be to just kind of celebrate that knowing, right? You wouldn't, yes, there might be the overwhelm and the uncertainty, and I don't know what's next, and all the questions and the fears and the excuses and the doubts. And yet underneath all of that there is a knowing that there's something that's asking for your attention. So to celebrate the fact that you're in touch with that part of you, and that, you want to listen to that, because most people, I'd go so far as to say, you know, most people just ignore that voice and deny that voice. And don't let that voice come to the surface. And so it's big to just acknowledge that it's there. And to get curious about it. I think that's the first thing I'd say is let's look at this and get curious before freaking out about what it means or like what I have to do now and what does that mean for my job? And what does that mean, for the 30 years of my life that I've built like, slowly roll right and just let's let's first celebrate and acknowledge and look at what wants to be looked at. And then I think it's immediately kind of stepping into this space of, you know, what are the hesitations? What are the doubts? What are the fears? And what are they there to tell you? Again, it's a continuation of that first piece, let's stay curious. And let's look at the objections that are stopping you from really exploring what wants to be explored. And I think what stops most people from that is they jump immediately to again, what do I have to do about this? And how is it going to happen? Or what is it going to look like? And then just how, right and I think, when that question comes in, it's really just our way of stopping ourselves from the exploration because the exploration feels threatening, because it's different than what we know. And so it starts to just kind of shake up the foundation that we've felt for so long. So the question of how we don't know how to answer the house. So Well, what's the point? I'm going to just forget about this and keep doing what I've been doing? So I know, there's a lot of pieces in that. But I think it's staying curious about it. I think it's looking at the fears, the doubts, the assumptions, calling them out, bringing them to the surface, and really looking at what's actually true in them and challenging the truth of them and letting yourself not have the answers yet letting yourself not fully know. And being okay, in that kind of gray area, I think that's a muscle we all get to build is is what is the relationship to uncertainty, can you let yourself explore without fully knowing what it's going to lead to and not be attached to the outcome? In the process of it.

Martina Fink 14:02

There's a controlling aspect to this, which is very dominant and perfectionist, you know, wanting to be the one in control and wanting to know, not just what is step number one, two, and three, but also 57, 58, 59. And then also you want to know where step 100 what that will get you. And if you don't know what step 100 will be is like the how, like you said, then you're not even starting. Yeah, so I feel like it's really bringing them back into the present moment and thinking like Okay, now let's take just one baby step and then see what happens.

Tallia Deljou 14:39

Exactly, it totally is a practice of presence, because all all the things you just mentioned is us jumping into the future. Well, what is this person gonna think and well, what if I do quit and then they say this thing and what if? And just notice like with all the what ifs in the what ifs is the thing you actually want, right? Well, what if when I quit, this happens. Oh, so So quitting is something you're actually considering. Let's look at that before the fear of judgment tackles itself on to it and attaches right. Like the answers are in the fears. And it's it's about, like teasing out what's true and what's not. And and also looking at I asked this question last week on one of my group calls like what are you getting from? What are you getting from the story that you don't know? Because I think there's an element of like, yes, you want to let yourself have the answers. But also, what are you pretending not to know? What are you getting from not knowing? And most of it's just comfort and familiarity? Because as long as I tell myself, I don't know, I don't have to do anything about it.

Martina Fink 15:40

Yeah. It's interesting. I just recently surveyed my entire community to find out, you know, what they're struggling with? What's holding them back? Where's perfectionism standing in the way. And one of the things they mentioned is like, they are so afraid of failing that they don't even start and not even just failing, it's more like, well, if I do this, then I have to do perfectly, or you know, that new life or whatever that purpose or that business or that project has to be perfect. And in order for it to be perfect, it becomes so much that I don't even want to start.

Tallia Deljou 16:14

Yep. But there's something you're getting from that. Because starting is a risk starting feel threatening to the ego starting is new and different than stalling, which is what you've been doing. And so like, of course, of course, that's how you're feeling. And can you let that be there while also taking action? Like, it doesn't have to be one or the other thing? I think it's inviting space for both inviting space for fear fear of failure and risk taking. But yeah, I mean, I think the fear of failure, not even trying, because it has to look perfect. I mean, I think you and I and maybe we can speak into just the experience we're going through right now in this program we're in together and how, yeah, it feels, can I can I use bad words?

Martina Fink 17:03

Just be you.

Tallia Deljou 17:05

Like, yeah, it feels fucking threatening, because I'm in unfamiliar territory, right? And there's a part of me that wants to have all the answers and wants to get it right. But then there's no, there's no growth in that, right. And of course, it's easier said than done, I need to hear this, myself, too, is like, I can't expect it to be perfect. And if I did, then I wouldn't be able to learn the lessons I need to learn in order to grow myself and my business and like dot dot dot. And so it goes back to the question of what like, What's your relationship to uncertainty? And can you let yourself be new at something? Can you let it be unfamiliar? Can you let yourself not be the one in the room with all the answers? And for me that the thought of that was the scariest thing because I had never done that I had never been in the room with a bunch of people where I was the one who had no answers. Like I've, I like being the one who people turn to and who go to for it. Like, that's what I'm used to. And I get a sense of identity and self worth and value. And being that person, it's my I've built up an identity around it. And I know like being a perfectionist, it's an identity, right? And so to not be in that identity is like, well, who am I if I can't wear this identity of perfectionist or identity of whatever, because that's how I've identified myself for so long. And so to detach from that, or to maybe set that down for a moment, makes me feel like I'll be standing in a room totally naked, with nothing to protect me like it's, it's, again, it's the most threatening thing, because it's been it's been armor, it's been protection. It's been a blanket that, you know, hopefully you invite yourself where you get invited to try, try taking it off for a day and see what happens. And you can pick it back up if you want to. But it's a conscious choice, you get to make too.

Martina Fink 18:55

Yeah, I like to refer to it as wearing masks, and, you know, hiding behind your mask and pretending you're all good behind your mask when you're really, you know, crumbling and struggling and, and all of those things. So it's beautiful that you mentioned that and stepping out of that is scary. 100%.

Tallia Deljou 19:15

Yeah. And that's, I think the last thing I'll add there, too, is because I think a lot of us associate our success to the identity versus the actual qualities that you possess as a person, right? Like, and this is so much of where the imposter stuff comes into the picture as we associate our success to Well, I got lucky or Well, I put in 10 extra hours or I didn't make a mistake. And it's like, well, Is that why you achieve success? Or is it because you know, you're a highly intuitive person or because you have a really developed skill set and blank and like it's other things too. And so it's making sure we're looking at all those things that attribute to our successes and feeling like we get to remove the pieces that feel the heaviest and know that what remains standing is the parts of us that are actually lasting and true. And who we really are deep down.

Martina Fink 20:10

Yeah, what came to me as we were talking was like the difference between doing and being, and success being something for most people, for me, including in the past, specifically, of what are my achievements, what have I done, and after I do certain things, or after I reach a certain position or salary or whatever, then I am being seen as successful. Whereas the route we're going now is like, how can you be a different person? How can you embody everything that success means because success, the definition of success for me has changed so much in the past years, it's no longer about the numbers and the, you know, what's in your CV, and what other people think of you and all that stuff, and the, the amount of compliments you received, but it's more around, I'm measuring my success on, like, how happy I am and how fulfilled I am and how beautiful my day is, and how beautiful I make my days, and how you Yeah, really, for me, it's the glow life, like how glowing is my life today. And if it's totally glowing, then that's a success. And that's the kind of life I want to live in. That's the kind of person I want to be, I don't want to be doing something in order to be successful, I want to just embody all of these elements that I define success with.

Tallia Deljou 21:30

Yeah, and what I love about your whole, like, all your messaging, your brand new is that what makes me glow is it's different for me than it is for you. Right. So there's such a level a level of layer of like, it's subjective, it's personal. And and, and yet On the flip side, I think where we get kind of lost on our own path is that there's this one idea of success we all buy into, and I'm sure you still fit into this plenty, so I won't get too much into it. But the power here is in that you get to define what a what a glow, yeah, well glow means to you, and how that feels to you and what that looks like to you. And it's it's personal, it's some it's not something that anybody else can tell you, or define for you or even measure for you. It's your own kind of internal compass. And, and I think that's why it's such a beautiful and the visual to have, like, of just the glow and the sparkle of the shine. Like, it's such a beautiful and warm feeling comes with it. And yeah, I think it's a really important new metric we get to use when we think about what we want for ourselves, and what's actually going to lead to a high quality of life that again, no one can determine but you.

Martina Fink 22:37

And what does it mean to you personally?

Tallia Deljou 22:39

What it means to me is, I was thinking about this question, because I knew you were gonna ask it. Think living a glow live means standing in my power. And I know even power is kind of like a big abstract word. But it's it's really drawing my sense of self from within myself, and knowing which voice is the voice of truth, because we've all got that small cell voice. And then we've got that higher self voice. And for me, it's really about getting into the practice of making the conscious choice to choose the higher voice, the greater voice that your voice. And I think it's also when I think about, you know, the word glow, it's also really about loving myself. And this has been such a hard lesson for me, but letting myself shine, and not be afraid of how it makes other people feel, and just taking more responsibility for myself and less for other people. That's been a tough lesson. But I think yeah, that's what comes to mind when I when I answer the question.

Martina Fink 23:42

Yeah, you will be surprised by how many other people you can actually Inspire to glow to when you allow yourself to glow.

Tallia Deljou 23:50

Yeah. And then it opens up such a window of exploration, right? Because there's like, there's, there are very clear experiences that I've had throughout my life that make me feel like it's not safe to be in my joy. So I carry that with me as I do. That's proof that it's not. So I hold on to that. Because I don't want to feel the way I felt in those experiences. And so that's again, where we get to, you know, do some coaching work and do some healing work, because is that one experience going to define me in the rest of my life? I hope not. But there are pieces that still kind of like remnants of that, that hold me back into like, some old ways of being. So that's the beauty of this work, though.

Martina Fink 24:35

So many times I thought, okay, now I'm over this. I've got this, I figured it out. And then the next big challenge comes and you notice Oh, it's the exact same thing, the exact same wound that comes up that we need to peel back another layer of the onion to you know, that just keeps growing.

Tallia Deljou 24:52

Yeah, and you saw this for me in our last call. But there was again something that came up for me and through digging and looking it you know what's behind it, I was like, damn it, it's the same shit. Like, it's, it's the same thing but manifesting this other way. And okay, like, I get to look at this again, you know and and stay curious about it and be loving and gentle and patient with myself instead of beating myself up for like, why aren't you over this yet? And why is this still bothering you? And you're better than that and don't let this bother you anymore. And it's easy to fall into that kind of judgment and self criticism. Or you can just say, All right, let's see what what's clearly something still here. And if I don't look at it now, it'll continue popping up. Let's play.

Martina Fink 25:39

Yeah, let's play. What would you say has been the biggest lesson that you have learned about yourself? on this journey?

Tallia Deljou 25:48

Oh, my gosh, so many, too many. Sometimes my husband's like, Can you just have like a normal day or you're not trying to coach yourself through every? Every day? I'm like, I just realized this thing about me like I'm so deep in it sometimes, or all the time. But I'd say one of the biggest lessons recently, since there are so many ways I could answer this question. One of my biggest recent lessons is in like giving myself permission to change and be different. I actually wrote this down to create some content around I think, when someone does something like you've changed or you're different, the like underlying sentiment there is that it's wrong or that it's bad. And yet, I think that's the most beautiful compliment I could ever receive is that I've changed and that I'm different, because I'm growing, and I'm human, and I'm evolving. And, and because I'm giving myself that permission to change and be different. I'm also giving other people permission to change and be different. And that takes some radical honesty with myself, because I think I've definitely had moments where I'm like, Oh, she's not how she used to be, she's changed. And it's like, well, of course, she has that like, because she's a living human being. And that's what we're here to do. I think that's something I've recently been looking at and moving through and giving myself and therefore other people permission to not that it's my job to give other people permission, but it it's just brought some perspective until like the point of life is that and why are we so quick and harsh to judge ourselves or other people for doing what we're here to do, which is grow and change? And I hope I'm not the same person I was last year. I don't I don't take offense to that, if that's the feedback you'd have to give me.

Martina Fink 27:32

Yeah, it's so funny. On my birthday, I received a couple of cards from like, really old friends. You know, like friends, we've been friends since like teenager or even before and there were saying something like, I don't know if you do that in English, but in German, we would say something like, say the way you are. I'm like, I don't want to stay the way I am. Like, there's so many things I want to explore. And it really triggered me I'm like, I'm glad you like me the way I am. But I have so much more I want to do and create an explorer. I don't want to stay the same.

Tallia Deljou 28:03

Interesting. Yeah. So what like what's immediately coming up for me there too, which might seem contradictory to what I said earlier? Maybe not? I'm not sure yet. But I think as we grow, it's not that we're like for someone to say stay the way you are. It's like yeah, and I'm going to become more and more and more and more of who I really am. And with that means I'm going to like I'm going to change but I'm changing into more of me versus being a different or another person. Does that make sense?

Martina Fink 28:33

Yeah. It's just, it's just about Yeah, probably peeling more of the masks back that you're wearing and becoming more more of you really?

Tallia Deljou 28:43

Yeah, yeah. So interesting.

Martina Fink 28:45

So it's like, so complex. My brain must be like trying to.

Tallia Deljou 28:54

This is where I like conversations when they get into this like, almost like philosophical like, what what Who are you really and like? What does it mean to be more of who you are? And like, what is the self and how the it's just yeah, it opens up so many more questions.

Martina Fink 29:09

For sure. For sure. Like we Yeah, we could go on forever. We need to set like a dinner date or something like discuss? Who am I?

Tallia Deljou 29:21

Beautiful question.

Martina Fink 29:22

Now I have a couple of questions before we wrap up. And the first one is that I want to know your self care routine.

Tallia Deljou 29:29

Yes. I love this question. Because I also struggle with like, well, but this isn't really like a routine that most people like I have this idea of what a self care routine should look like. And because it's not that I feel like mine is not good enough. So I'm in the practice of really like owning my self, my stuff my life the way I live. So for me, my self care routine involves flexibility in the mornings of what time I wake up. It involves listening to my body I think you had recently posted something about like, if you're snoozing, if you're just tired, like let yourself rest, let yourself sleep. So self care to me is really listening and trusting my body and not feeling bound by like rules that I placed on myself or how things should look. Another big part of my self care routine is movement of some sort. And it's by no means like a 30. It's, it's this many minutes, every day I do this thing, it really is just like when I feel like my body needs to move, I move my body, when I'm thirsty, I drink water, like it's really a practice of just listening and responding and giving my body what it's asking for another big piece of it. I've actually started doing this recently, I just got this amazing. I'm not I would not call myself a planner, or a to do list person like, that just makes me like really squirm. But I just got this journal called the mind map journal. And it's a comp, it's a journal slash planner. And it's the one I've actually stuck to so far, and I've been carving out time. And this is very new. But I'm really excited about it, because of how it makes me feel actually putting things in my calendar, like, take a break and go to Starbucks, right? It's like little treats that I give myself throughout the day, to remind me that I, I also matter in my day, because most of my day goes to other people to clients to like meetings and calls. And so for me, it's making sure that I also include myself in my days and include my needs in my days, and carve out time for it. And it looks differently every day. I don't have a like, here's my routine every morning. I kind of wish I did. But I'm also just that's not how I function right now. That was a long winded answer, and not much of a direct answer. But that's kind of what it looks like for me right now.

Martina Fink 31:44

Yeah. And that's also the reason why I asked everyone who comes on to the podcast, what their routine is, because there is no right or wrong here. And there is also a tendency to perfectionize, your routines, and like I have to work out 30 minutes every day, I have to do my meditations 10 minutes every morning. And if I don't do them, I'm failing. And that's exactly, you know, just kind of like a different perfectionism coming disguised as another thing, you know. And so the goal for self care is truly to listen to your body and do whatever it needs. And just like you said, doing those things, sleeping in taking breaks. And at the same time, if you're someone that's very used to over giving, and always being there, for other people, you need to have certain boundaries with yourself, like scheduling your Starbucks and, and things like that, where you get reminded that it is an appointment that is just as important, if not more, as any other appointments. And I, I had to schedule my lunch breaks in because I used to skip lunch all the time, because I was so busy, and there was so much to do, and you got to schedule it in. And if that helps, great if you don't schedule it in for me, it's like if something's not on my calendar, it's not happening. Often.

Tallia Deljou 33:03

Yeah, I'm the same way. And I have you to think too, for just some of the ways I've changed. Spending time with throughout my week, like the invitation from you and how you kind of shared how you schedule your own time, as you know, now, over the past two weeks moving forward Mondays and Tuesdays, I don't book really any calls. And it's my day to like focus on the things I need to focus on. And my time goes to me and myself and my business and whatever else needs attention. So I call that a part of my self care is is setting its boundary setting 100%. And just noticing how different it felt to wake up yesterday, and to not have any calls on my schedule. Like it truly felt it felt really nice. It felt like a gift to myself. It felt sacred, it felt really special. And it made me feel cared for by me, you know. And so yeah, I think I love that you asked this question, I think there is a tendency to want the answer to be perfect, but it is just what it is for now.

Martina Fink 34:04

Yeah. And it's also if you don't take care of you, nobody else is going to do that for you. Because nobody can do that for you. And there will always be more things you can do. Yeah. And tomorrow is another day.

Tallia Deljou 34:16

Yeah. Yeah. And that's it's an interesting question. And I'll keep the short but I think there was probably an element of wanting somebody else to do it for me, and waiting for somebody else to do it for me because I saw myself as the victim to my calendar or to my business like woe is me and I'm so busy. If that's the biggest that's the mindset I'm in then yeah, I'm waiting for somebody else to come in and make sure I wake up or save me from my life. You know, you're in office like you have a lot more power than you're telling yourself you do and be it's no one else's responsibility but your own and what's comfortable about being in that place is that you get to blame You get to blame other people for your lack of care for yourself, which is interesting to look at too.

Martina Fink 35:07

And I used to be the same when I was still working full time at Apple, I was so proud to tell everyone how busy I was and how I didn't have time. And now when people come to me and brag about how busy they are, and how they don't have time, like, poor you, you know, like, I know how that feels. I know how that feels. But that's not how we should be living life. Right. And and there is absolutely no benefit of burning yourself out.

Tallia Deljou 35:34

Yeah, it is interesting, because I find myself too. It's like, well, if I don't talk about work, then someone asks me how things are going on like, Well, what do I, what do I talk about? Am I still interesting? Am I like, does it make me boring? If I'm like, I'm chilling, like, I'm not doing much. I'm actually not that busy. And it feels amazing, right? There's an element of like, Is that enough? Is that enough to Yeah. Does that make me interesting? Also, like, why does it matter?

Martina Fink 36:01

Exactly, yeah.

Tallia Deljou 36:02

But they find the interesting.

Martina Fink 36:04

Yeah. And that's a whole other conversation. But I feel like we're just so programmed to believe that we need to be busy and busy equals successful. And so we're just, you know, creating a new reality for a generation that doesn't want to hustle that hard.

Tallia Deljou 36:22

Yeah, absolutely.

Martina Fink 36:24

Tell you what are three things that you are grateful for today?

Tallia Deljou 36:28

Ah, time.

Martina Fink 36:31

Yes,

Tallia Deljou 36:32

That's a big thing for me to say, because I feel like, I fight a lot with time and time gives me a lot of anxiety. Running out of time gives me a lot of anxiety. But I am grateful for the time I now feel like I have. And again, I just want to say thanks. Thanks to you for some of the voice notes and coaching you You gave me around this idea that like time wraps around me. And that's totally shifted, it's shifted so much for me. So thank you for that. so grateful for time, I'm grateful for this beautiful space that I get to take these calls in my office and my vision board that Yeah, I'm grateful that I get to feel good. In, in my home when we've you know, we've been home for over a year with COVID and quarantine. And yet, it's been such a beautiful sacred space to be protected by. So I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful for just new beginnings, new chapters, my husband got a new job offer yesterday, which is really exciting. It opens up a whole new world of people and network and opportunities. And yeah, it feels like an exciting new chapter for us both as well. So those are the things I'm grateful for today.

Martina Fink 37:43

Oh, congratulations. That's very exciting. Very exciting. Is there anything else you would like to share with our listeners today?

Tallia Deljou 37:52

Um, last thing I'll share is how lucky are you who is listening that you found Martina, because she is such a bright light. And I feel like you and I, we think in so many similar ways, and I think triggered by a lot of the same things. It's just been really nice to have found you on my own journey. And I have no doubt that many other people feel the same. So whoever's listening, send some love and gratitude to this lovely lady right here because it's important work and you show up in your own glow. And you take care of yourself and show us that we get to do the same. So thank you.

Martina Fink 38:32

You're so welcome. And I'm feeling so blessed to know you too. And like have someone who actually understands me, you know, some of the things we're going through. Where can people find you online? Talia?

Tallia Deljou 38:44

Yes, so people can find me. My main platform is Instagram. So I'm on the gram at TalliaDeljou. And my website is TalliaDeljou.com, my kind of bread and butter is as Martina alluded to helping people really find their path and, and honor their purpose. And so if you're looking for some more direction around all things, purpose and path and what are your soul gifts and what's the call on your heart and what are you here to do I invite you to just poke around and see what's what's up in my world and reach out and say hello, I love connecting to any and all human beings. And especially if you're here in the space listening to this conversation, I'm sure there's a lot we get jammed out together. So that's where you can find me.

Martina Fink 39:27

Beautiful. We will link all your links in the show notes and you also have a podcast.

Tallia Deljou 39:32

I do.

Martina Fink 39:34

Yeah, we too will link as well. Thank you so much Talia for taking the time out of your day to have this conversation for sharing your beautiful glow with everyone in my community. And I just want to honor you for doing this work as well. And for you know, supporting and guiding so many people to their own glow and helping them uncover their their purpose so that they can also ripple out there go to more people and that's how we truly, you know, make the world a better place.

Tallia Deljou 40:06

Exactly. That's what we're here to do.

Martina Fink 40:09

Thank you.

Martina Fink 40:10

I am so grateful to be friends with Talia and for meeting amazing women like her in programs and courses that I attend myself. And sometimes my clients asked me how can I find more people and friends that align with my values and what I want to do in my life. And if you are looking for new best friends, join a program where you can find your own glow and become the best version of you. And then that glow will ripple out to the people that are also in the program. And when you invest in programs and courses that you enjoy, you will find people that enjoy the same things. If you are struggling with overwhelm, control, stress, negative self talk perfectionism, not knowing what to do next and resonate with the topics that we shared today. You can find more about working with me on Martina Fink calm or with the link in the show notes. Don't forget to download your self care guide for perfectionist to help you quit overwhelm and work less without compromising results. The link is also in the show notes and no I'm not just telling you to do face smiles and drink a cup of tea This is a different a next level kind of self care guide. If you enjoyed this episode and you were able to take away some really helpful tips from this I would be so happy if you would share your review. for this episode. Follow the glow life podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 136. There's anybody in your life that you love and that really needs to hear everything we talked about today. Please forward it to them right now. Thank you for being here today and for truly caring so deeply for yourself. Because what you do for yourself and when you find your purpose, this is going to impact every single soul that you touch. You deserve to feel glowing and confident, beautiful.

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