#135 Victimhood vs. Radical Responsibility with Zion Kim — Martina Fink

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If you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you're the victim and everything is happening TO you, you're going to want to listen to this episode! Shifting out of the victim space into a space where you take full responsibility of where you're at and what you CAN do, has not only changed my life, it is about to change yours, too!

In this episode, I am talking to my mentor Zion Kim, the founder of several multi-million dollar companies and an amazing coach, who always gets me to see and uncover things in myself that I'm not able to see myself.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

Why we can get hurt by uncommunicated expectations
The difference between harmony and intimacy
How to shift out of being a victim and take radical responsibility
Why we deserve deeper, more intimate relationships
How to shift from feeling powerless to powerful by taking full ownership

And so much more!

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

The Darma Triangle Explained

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 135. With Zion Kim. Welcome to the glow life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence. And learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day. Welcome back to the glow Live podcast.

Martina Fink 1:05

Ooh, today's episode is going to potentially change your life forever. I am talking to my very own coach and mentor, Zion, and it's been a beautiful journey and not always fun. Let me just say this, it's not always fun. But before we get started with the conversation today, I want to share my top glow Tip of the Week with you. And together with you know the topic that we're covering today, I want to challenge you to look at something that is truly annoying you at the moment, maybe it is a specific person, maybe it's something at work, maybe it's a situation where you need to speak up and you're not doing it but you're still getting annoyed about it all the time. So find a challenge or a situation that is annoying you at the moment. And then I want you to ask yourself one question, how did I create this? That is something we are talking about today about taking full responsibility. And as you know, we create our own reality. And that means we also create the challenges and the difficult situations we often face. So ask yourself, How did I create this and then shift from blaming others to taking full responsibility, because it's only then when you can actually start to change things. It's not always the others that made you get to this place. So let's dive in with my guest today is ion Kim. And if you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you're the victim and everything is happening to you and not really for you, you're going to want to listen to this episode shifting out of the victim space into a space where you can take full responsibility for where you're at and what you can do has not only changed my life completely, it is also about to change yours too. In this episode, I am talking to my mentor Zion, the founder of several multimillion dollar companies and an amazing coach who always gets me to see and uncover things in myself that I'm not able to see alone. In today's episode, we talk about why you can get hurt by uncommunicative expectations, the difference between harmony and intimacy, how to shift out of being a victim and take radical responsibility, why we deserve deeper, more intimate relationships, how to shift from feeling powerless to powerful by taking responsibility and so much more. And you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 135. Welcome Zion. I am so grateful to have you on the podcast today.

Zion Kim 4:00

I'm very excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Martina Fink 4:02

Now before we dive into all things, perfectionism, and you know being a victim of your time and schedule, and yeah, really struggling with too much strategy and overthinking in the mind. I would love for you to just give us a brief introduction into like who you are, and specifically, how have the last two years look like for you? Because there has been a huge transformation for you too.

Zion Kim 4:28

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I am an entrepreneur and I have been for just over the last 10 years. And in the last two years, I was in the process of probably growing my largest company that I've ever grown personally at the time, you know, I've advised much, much larger organizations. And you know, what's interesting was I have this relationship to speed and you know, and I've just become really aware of why that's the case and why I want to grow the organization so fast and you know, we went from literally zero To 5 million in a year, right and built this team of like 3035 people, and it was very much like jumping off a cliff and building the jet plane down, right. And we hit some issues with the business itself and ended up crashing, and we had to let 35 people go overnight. So that was how I started off, you know, my 2019. And that was in and that let's just say that was around like may sometime. And then at the same time, I found out that I was going to have a baby, right. And a couple months after that, we found out that the baby actually miscarried. And that was super tough. Yeah, as you can probably imagine. And you know, and then a couple months later, when my friends and mentors took his own life, and that was really tough on me, because he actually shared that with me early in the year that that's what he was experiencing. And I felt that I didn't really hear him. And that, but I also really didn't really allow myself to take responsibility for it, because I think that's what a lot of people do in those scenarios. Yeah. And then, you know, I ended the year by actually, transitioning out of my engagement, it's my fiance, and in 2019, and then yeah, and then 2020 started, right. And so I ended the year with about, like, just over $300,000 in debt, as well. So, you know, fast forward 2020, you know, the pandemic and COVID and was one of the best years I've ever had, honestly, I built two, you know, two multi seven figure businesses in the same year, while I was actually doing a stint as an executive in another company, so I was actually operating three companies at the same time, and, you know, eventually left my executive position at the end of the year. And, yeah, and yeah, and just, and paid off all my debt before, you know, the mid year and, and it was just pretty remarkable for me. And like, I was just super proud of everything that was created, especially given just, yeah, this is very much a reclamation year for me, just like, you know, this is, this is who I am. And I get to fully choose into what that looks like. For me.

Martina Fink 7:18

One of the things I admire in you so much is that you just, you just go for it and do things like I don't know how you did all of these things in one year. It's so admirable and like it just it just says so much about you just doing the things you want to do. One of the things you mentioned earlier is that you have a relationship with speed and that things need to go really fast. I think that's also something very typical for our generation, where we don't have the patience to wait for the promotion to make more money to get in relationship to have the marriage to have the baby like nothing can go fast enough. What was this thing that you learned about speed and the past? Two years?

Zion Kim 8:00

Yeah, so so the first thing was just kind of being aware of where it came from, right? Because I think a lot of people don't realize how many patterns of what current behaviors that they actually have, are rooted in behaviors that they learned, you know, based on the relationship to their parents and other people while they're growing up. Right. So it's almost like from the ages of zero to really eight or so a lot of the same patterns that were developed as an eight year old are still the patterns that are running the show as adults, right. And what I realized for speed was, it was my way of being able to get out of things faster. So I have like an opposite relationship to perfectionist, right? So for me, it was I was seen as intelligent or smart or rewarded by my parents or by you know, really society, right? Because the faster I can do things, it just meant that I was smarter, right or more intellectual, or I got it faster, right. And that was really rewarded. And you know, and I remember when I was younger, spending the time kind of working on, like running the piano, which I never actually did, or learning to read and doing all these things, it was all a matter of get the work done. So I can leave the space as much as possible. Because, you know, I had a lot of physical kind of abuse in that time, right, like physical and emotional abuse during that time. So it's just like, Okay, well, the faster I get this done, the faster I get out of this environment, and I can go outside and do something else. So that was kind of one of the things right on the one side. The other side was, well, the faster I move, then I don't have to actually see the things that are necessarily broken or the things that are not working. And in a lot of those cases, it's also just a mechanism for me to avoid pain. And in those scenarios as well.

Martina Fink 9:48

I just literally wrote down avoid pain in my journal right now as you were saying it. It's so interesting. I have a very different approach to handling pain, my pattern in the past Used to be, whenever there is pain, I crawl up in bed and sleep and hope that by the time I wake up, the pain will have gone. And it usually works to a certain extent where, you know, your nervous system calms down, and you kind of get a little bit of distance to the issue. But really, the root cause of the problem is still there. And there will it's just a matter of time, like, where this feeling will come back again, and where it will hit you again, until you actually learn. And for me, it's like sitting with the emotions and probably for us to say, instead of avoiding those situations, like actually sitting down and and feeling

Zion Kim 10:37

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And me, I had a moment yesterday, right, where something came up, there was a deal that we thought we're gonna move forward with that we eventually didn't. And I was quite surprised by it, right. And I was just noticing there because I felt like for the last couple of weeks, I was just on the supreme high of life, and then just kind of the first thing was just like, Whoa, so I felt all this, you know, just sadness. And this maybe a level of rejection, but I didn't really want to title it that was just kind of like, feeling what I was feeling. I was doing my best not to label it, because I just felt hurt. Right. And there was just a motion. And, you know, and as it was great, because I just caught myself and I just said, Okay, well, I have to just feel these things. They're not gonna last year forever. And, and I did, right. And that was just really, really fun to just like change out of it. Because then then I just started to ask myself, right, well, what else? What else wants to be created here? You know, what else wants to be coming through me now? Instead, right? And instead, I just kind of shifted into this curiosity, because, you know, in the past would have been very easy for me to fall victim to the whole situation. And I actually noticed, you know, this one thought in my head, which was, what did I do wrong in my life, that this is the consequence of that happening? I was like, wait, like, nothing? Is like nothing, right? Because if everything truly is happening for me, because it is, then what else is going to happen for me? And I just really switched into that curiosity. And so I was very, you know, so yeah, as you know, I work with a lot of people in this work, but I'm also human. Right? So I was super proud of myself just for catching myself for going through the process. Yeah, asking myself the questions. And then, you know, really, it ended up opening up, you know, a really amazing opportunity for me just to look at, well, yeah, what else is possible here, right, and then really sit in that sit in that vision. So that's those extremely, just just a fun process.

Martina Fink 12:42

So good, and just what you said, we're humans, and even though we teach so many of these things, and concepts and ways to feel better, and process emotions doesn't mean that we don't experience them. Like, even if you work on this stuff for five years or 10 years, you're never going to be immune to actual pain and struggles, right? I love that you brought up the the word victim, like being the victim of the situation, and what happened to you yesterday. And I think that's something so many people in my community struggle with, because they feel like everything else is more important than them. So work is more important. Their full calendars are more important. Everyone in their lives is more important than themselves. And often, and I used to be there too, when I was still working at Apple, I would constantly cancel on my friends and family because I was so exhausted. And I'm like, I can't, I'm sorry, I have to cancel, I can't come because I'm so busy. And I used at the same time, I used to pride myself with this business. And I used to think it's so cool to be so so busy, because that meant that I was actually successful. At the same time, I was really trapped in this victim situation with my calendar and with my work. So can you talk a little bit about, you know, one of the concepts I learned from you as a drama triangle and how we take up different roles in relationship with people, but also things like your calendar and your schedule. So I love for you to kind of explain how this works and how, you know, the whole victim thing? Sure comes up.

Zion Kim 14:17

Yeah, happy to. So the drama triangle is a really beautiful concept. Because when you start to look at life, you start to realize that everything is in the context of how you relate to things, right. So when people are coming up against any blocks of momentum in their lives, that they feel like they're stuck, usually it's based on you know, one of four categories, right, it's you and your relationship to yourself and your relationship to other people, you and your relationship to your work and you and your relationship to you know, spirit or God or whatever so that that category, you know, I go into depending on who the person that's made so, and what their journey is, but You know, and when we look at that, there's really three roles that someone can play. And so the triangle, right, which is the hero, the victim, and the villain. So the way I love to illustrate this is okay, well, let's just pretend that you're having a conversation with anybody. Right? So in that scenario, let's say that you have to give someone feedback, and you don't. Right? And then looking at the question of, well, why did you actually not give them the feedback. And if you look at that, in the context of the drama triangle, the reason is because well, you might not want to hurt their feelings. So then automatically, what you're doing is you're taking the sovereignty away from that person and taking the power away from that person, and you are stepping into the hero role, right, because you are trying to save this person, and then all of a sudden, that person becomes a victim. So then what ends up happening over time is you end up going through this relationship, essentially frustrated over uncommunicative expectations, because you've never shared the way that you actually feel with this person. And now you have the capacity to step into the villain, right? Because you start to grow resentment for the other person, but the resentment is actually from you not having a conversation, more so than what this person is actually doing. Because by not saying whatever you want to say to this person, you're actually telling them that they're doing just fine. The way that they are, right? So then you go into resentment, and then all of a sudden, you know, and let's just say you just because then you go one of two ways, right? Then you finally unleash on this person. Or you say nothing, and you exit out of the relationship. And you just say, you know what, I'm done with this, right? And then, and then often what happens is, you know, that person can also become a villain. And they can go resentful, because you just did what you did. Or that, you know, they sort of say, Oh, well, why did you never tell me And the beautiful thing about this is, you can end up playing all three roles at the same time, right? Because by you not sharing the same feedback, even though you're trying to save the person from their emotion, then you're also starting to feel powerless, because you're not receiving what you want, right? And then that person ends up being the villain because you know, they're hurting you right? And not doing whatever it is that you desire from them. And then you're looking for someone to save you from the relationship. So, you know, so when you start to really look at the dynamic right of conversations, and how much is truly being avoided, and you start to realize and understand, well, how does this actually start to play out? And the place that I love, you know, really taking people in? This is just asking them? Do you remember a conversation that you had in the last week where you didn't say what you wanted to share?

Martina Fink 17:47

Yeah, that is such a common thing, like the people pleaser thing, in my community is like, I don't want to let anyone down, I don't want to hurt anyone. So I'd rather not say anything. And another piece of that, which I'm working on two is the element of harmony. So we believe we want to keep the relationship harmonious by not saying anything, so there is no conflict. So we're consciously avoiding the conflict. At the same time, we're really not stepping out for ourselves.

Zion Kim 18:19

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's really funny, right? Because, you know, in the desire for harmony, and what's harmonious about a relationship where there's actually no truth and when you look at this concept of people pleasing, you know, if you're really not sharing how you feel with another person, and you're withholding that information as you interact with this other person, and you don't say anything the entire time, and what is that actually, right and you know, and when I first heard this and I received this feedback, and I received this reflection because I was in the same boat right of the person who didn't say anything. And you know, my my coach turned to me is that you know, that's all line same as lying. You know, in fact, it's the highest form of lying because not only are you withholding and not saying anything, you actually putting on a completely different mask and face and showing up you know, as a as a different human to this site. Gosh, you know, so that's just, you know, that was very big moment for me of awareness of just okay, you know, this is this is how I'm showing up in the world and this is what gets changed for me.

Martina Fink 19:25

What I see often is that and I used to be there to where I was wearing different masks in different situations in different relationships. So I was one Martino when I went to work at the Apple Store, I was another Martino and I was with my friends and I was another Martino and I was with my parents and yes of course certain things like behavior and you know, habits from the past, but also I was consciously behaving differently in different relationships. And what I'm trying to do now with my clients is to merge all of this into just you, you know, how can you just be you And truly just express yourself in whatever relationship because in the end, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So how you speak up for yourself, in your intimate relationship is how you speak up for yourself at work and how you speak up with your parents. And that is so challenging sometimes to, to merge all these pieces into one. Have you experienced this too?

Zion Kim 20:23

Yeah. Well, you know, I think that it's, it's interesting, because a lot of people go through life asking the question, well, who am I actually right, if not this person or this person? But as you're talking? What reminded me around this idea of harmony is, you know, it's harmony at the expense of intimacy. And, you know, it's, is it actually you showing up to that relationship? Or is it the version of you wanting to hold harmony? Right? And is that you that's actually allowing yourself to be seen in whatever it is that you're feeling? And whatever it is that you're experiencing? Are you actually able to express yourself fully in that? Or are you not right? Are you muting yourself and not sharing because of the sake of harmony? Right? And yeah, so when I, when I think about that, it's, there's so many opportunities for people to be more of themselves, but they start to not do that, right? They start to not be all of them and all of who they are, because they think what they're doing is helping other people. But if they're doing it at the expense of them, then are they really developing the relationships that they desire. And oftentimes, what I see with people that are in this bucket of people that don't really share what they want to share with people, they feel very alone in the world. And you know, and for me, I just find that quite sad. Anything,

Martina Fink 21:43

it is very sad. It is very sad, because we're lacking the connection to others. And, and the feeling of belonging, which we cut ourselves off from, I had a really deep conversation with one of my clients earlier this week, where she asked me, Martina, how can I live more in alignment with myself? And I had to just kind of ask the question back to her. And what came out was that she has been vegetarian for a very long time. And she's been wanting to go vegan. But she didn't do it, because she was worried that if she goes to friends, that they would have to cook these complicated meals for her. So she was accommodating them, and at the same time, not allowing herself to actually step into the truth of who she wanted to be.

Zion Kim 22:32

Yeah, that's beautiful.

Martina Fink 22:33

So one of the other things this something, and I don't know if you've experienced that with yourself, or maybe in supporting all the people around you is that there's so much thinking and overthinking and strategizing. In our brains as perfectionist where we're completely I would say we're completely cut off the head from like, the lower part of the body. And being able to connect these two pieces, again, is really helpful. But it's so so challenging, sometimes for perfections that have lived this way for 20 3035 years. Have you experienced this before as well? Or how would you? How would you help someone that's like truly, in their head about everything.

Zion Kim 23:14

So for me that for me, I had that when it came to my relationships, right and really using strategy to navigate the relationships because I didn't want to be in the relationship with a level of vulnerability. And whenever it felt vulnerable, I felt at risk, I felt that I didn't have control, I felt that I could be hurt by it, you know, and what's really remarkable about that whole thing is I was placing more weight on what could happen, right? And I was I was living in the future reality of what could happen of you know, really empowering and investing in the energy of a could happen rather than truly allowing myself to be in the present moment of what is actually unfolding. And, you know, so the first thing is just being in the awareness of, you know, are you actually allowing yourself to be living your life? Right. And, you know, when I think about this idea of perfectionism, you know, I asked myself, and I asked other people this question of, well, what is perfect anyways? Like, what is the definition of your perfection anyways? Because the most comical thing about this and I don't mean this offensively is your idea of what is perfect is someone else's idea of what is absolutely broken. And this goes across the board, right? It's like, whose definition of perfectionism Are you actually holding on to? And is it actually yours? Right? And and when I look at that, it's just looking at Well, isn't that removing us from you know, the capacity just to live the perfection of the present moment of what is actually the unfolding of what is actually happening. And you know, and I think this really ties into a lot of what we already talked about, right? where, you know, how could you imagine, you know, someone feeling you and experiencing you, when all they feel is your strategy, when all they feel is you not saying something, right? Whether it's conscious or unconscious, whether this person is perceptive to it or not? Right, a lot of people in your space in your communities are probably a lot more intuitive than you give them credit for. So if they are receiving you, as someone who's watching their words, is being careful with what they share. That's not they're not really ever, you're not really ever sharing a part of you. And you're really staying on surface to protect yourself, and you have to show that you're wearing this armor that you're wearing, because you want to protect yourself, then I would imagine that a lot of those people might have trouble trusting you, when I realized this for myself, it was just kind of like a, you know, it's kind of a punch in the gut, right? It's just wow. Because once that came into my awareness, and I think this is really the first step for anything, is bringing this into your awareness of well, this is actually what's happening. And can you allow yourself to be and see that and just celebrate, right, and to just have a deep because this is not room for self harm, or For shame, this is an opportunity for even more grace and compassion for where you're at and what you're experiencing. And you know, and this is the first step, right? It's just having that awareness. And then it's just realizing, well, how do you switch this? How do you change this right, and, you know, the opportunity here is, you don't just do the thing that you think is going to happen, and see if it actually happens the way that it happens, right. And if you go into any situations, you know, if you go into any situation with the intention, that you know, something is going to happen with however the way that you think it is, yeah, chances are that it will very true. Like, yeah, if I go into the situation, thinking that the conversation is going to be closed off, then you will be closed off going into that conversation, the person will feel closed off, go into the conversation. So can you just actually release yourself from all attachment to what the outcome is? And just allow yourself just to be curious? And just to see, well, okay, well, if I just left my attachment out the door, that could actually happen. And you know, the last thing on this is just like this idea of perfectionism, I think is it's so heavy, right? It's such a heavy thing to carry. Right. And I think about it in terms of a you literally are trying to have control and a world actually have no control at all. And I think that, you know, the pandemic showed, right, and I think the pandemic showed us this, right, it's just and you've heard me say this, before, that the pandemic did not put us into a world of uncertainty, we were always living in a world of uncertainty, you just now got a front row seat to just how uncertain it actually is. And if it is, in fact, this uncertain, then what is it that you think that you actually know about the world that you're living in? Right, and I look at and I think about this of someone just wearing a backpack, full of bricks, trying to walk up the hill. And that's currently how a lot of people are doing? Yeah, right. And you know, what, if I told you that the answer is as simple as just take the backpack off, and put it down, and just let it go? Because it's not yours, then what would your life look like, of just wow, you have this opportunity to truly reveal and uncover and discover and be in relationship to who you actually are? When you stop trying to hold on and chop? Stop trying to control everything?

Martina Fink 28:44

Yes, so much yes to everything. And one of the things you mentioned, with expecting what will happen if like this whole living in the future, I had a conversation with one of my clients today and she was crying on the phone literally feeling overwhelmed with about this having to have a conversation with her boss next week. And she didn't know what to say to him. And, and I was like, so let's talk about what the actual options are here, and which one you would prefer. And she was like, This is option one. But if I do this, I know exactly. He's gonna react this way. Or he's gonna say this thing. And I'm like, Well, what if you don't think about what will happen after and you just focus on you and the desires that you have, and you stand up for these things because otherwise you're constantly worrying about how people are going to react or might react which is completely out of your control. So just being able to again, just focus on you and on the possibilities and the and the intentions that you have for whatever it is in your life and not so much on the what ifs then that is truly powerful. And that's also how you step out of the victim situation where you no longer like I can't do this. Because of that. I I can't do this because of that, because as perfectionist, we always have all the excuses. Ready?

Zion Kim 30:04

Yeah, well enough, the thing about victimhood is, you don't believe that you have the power, you, in fact, you're powerless. And there's one key to switch out of victimhood at any time, which is just responsibility, right? And because victimhood is taking less than 100% responsibility for where you are in life, and from what you what you can actually do, and what you can actually create, whereas being a creator, instead, being a victim is 100% responsibility of Wow, well, I have actually created my entire reality. Which means if I shift something inside of me, then this will actually shift in my circumstance, or in this particular situation that I see. Right? And then, you know, of course, heroes and rescuers just take more than 100% responsibility and of taking something away from somebody else, and take it on themselves. And just, you know, again, putting that backpack back on. It's, you know, so it's just really realizing, you're playing with your clients. Just wait, wait, no, you have a lot of options here. I think, Oh, wait, you're right. And that's the beautiful thing is when you start to realize, oh, wow, there's actually a lot of things I can do here. It's Yes, you can, then yeah, and then that starts to become the shift of the transfer of power.

Martina Fink 31:19

Yeah. So powerful. What would you say has been the biggest lesson that you have learned in this whole process or on your own journey,

Zion Kim 31:27

in probably how much I have been in my own victimhood, as well. So it's really this balance between not taking enough responsibility for what I've created in my life and wanting to blame others, instead of just looking at Well, how did I create this, right, and then looking at my relationships, and looking at my tendency to want to save people, right, and kind of carry them on my back to do whatever I want to do. But honestly, the biggest thing for me was just not having the uncomfortable conversations because of like, reason. And, you know, I just realized that, because it was so difficult for me to have conversations with other people, that when I found someone that I could be vulnerable around, I ended up putting that person on a pedestal in relationship to me, because I felt that they were doing something or they were a certain way, or they were a certain type of person that could hold that space for me and be and allow me to, that do allow me to be in that conversation. Instead of realizing, wait, no, this is actually a baseline, like, this is actually the baseline for all my relationships. Because if I can't be vulnerable myself, because vulnerability is my decision. It's my own power, it's my own sovereignty, it's, it's how I am choosing to navigate in the world to be on the edge of you know what it is I'm feeling and to be able to share that real time, right to be able to share that real time unformed as it comes up. That's, that's something that allows me to be in my own human experience. And, you know, and I realized, while I was putting this person on a pedestal, when you know, what, me being vulnerable is just the baseline of relationship. And that was such a seismic shift in perspective for me, because then I realized, well, I get to just be whoever I get to be all the time, you know, people can then see, well, that's the way that I'm choosing to navigate.

Martina Fink 33:40

one of the things your ration recently shared with us was the question, what is actually your criteria to be your friend? And like, what are the fundamental basics of the relationships that I want to have? And if you want to have a relationship with me, in whatever way, like, these are the number one or the the foundational criteria that I live my life with?

Zion Kim 34:04

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and that's at the top of the list of, well, if I'm sharing, if I'm sharing vulnerably, then what will I be met in that vulnerability? Or will you continue to wear your armor, and pretend that everything in your world is okay? And if it is, if it is great, but if it's not, then it never gives me an opportunity to be your friend. to really see you to be there with you. It becomes a missed opportunity for such a nourishing moment.

Martina Fink 34:41

Very beautifully said. Now, in my community, we talk about the glow life and I would love to know what your version of a glowing life would look like. Or it looks like

Zion Kim 34:51

you know, when I think about glowing I immediately think about just brilliance and radiates and just shining right? And, you know, my belief is that it starts inside, right? It starts inside. So that it's all these things that we just talked about, right? It's it starts on the inside, so that it really shows on the outside. Right. And when we continue to build this relationship with ourselves and how we view ourselves in the world, and how we're navigating the world, then we get to shop as this lighthouse, right? When I think about the glow life, I think about, you know, my desire my aspiration to be a lighthouse, because, you know, lighthouses don't go looking for the boats, they just stand there. And the boats come to that, you know, so for me, it's just, you know, I think the globe life is Yeah, being being given the work yourself so that you can be an example for other people. And that, to me is leadership, right? And so that you can really just shine brilliantly and just be the fullest expression of who you are in this world. Because that's your that's your birthright as a human being, is just to have all the joy and happiness and fulfillment that you can possibly know more than you could possibly even fathom is even available to you.

Martina Fink 36:08

Yeah, I love this analogy with the lighthouse is so so true and so beautiful, in terms of taking care of yourself, and like really strengthening that relationship with yourself. Do you have some non negotiables that you do every day?

Zion Kim 36:23

Honestly, no, it changes day to day, I mean, the thing that I've been working on the most, because I'm coming from, you know, years of an entrepreneur, I very much subscribed to hustle culture of kids sleep when you're dead, and all this other stuff. So. So the one thing I've been prioritizing more than anything is my sleep. So I used to sleep four to six hours a day. And now that's very much bid on the 72 hour train. So that's definitely been something that I've been working on doing that more times in the week than not, And that, to me is progress. That's why I say it's not a non negotiable, because it's still negotiated. Yeah. And then it's just some type of you know, and I really try to disconnect at the end of my days. And if you now have a hot tub here, and my sauna and a couple other things. So just, like really just take the time to be in that care with myself, and then just spend some time just kind of digesting my thoughts of the day and just kind of getting them down on paper, and just what I'm experiencing what I'm feeling and just to do a brain dump, right? Whatever is in my head, can just be seen, so I can just look at it and read it like, oh, wow, I've been kind of saying the same thing for the last couple of days. Maybe I should look at that. Right. So. So those have been probably honestly the biggest things, for me is just looking at what are the things that are actually coming through me? What are the things that are coming for me, and just spending some time in that reflection?

Martina Fink 37:50

Yeah, and this reflection piece is also often very crucial for good sleep, because otherwise you go to bed and you still have like all the thoughts and you know, spinning in your in your head, but when you can actually take the time to slow down and put them onto a piece of paper. It's so helpful. Zion, what are three things that you are grateful for today?

Zion Kim 38:10

First off, I'm super grateful for this conversation. Because I think that there's been a couple of things I'm still processing just yesterday, they got to just be with again, today's I just really appreciated that I appreciated. And I just am grateful for waking up and and getting this step into my life today. And that is just you know, so fun, right? Just being in the gratitude that I don't know what's coming today. And just being in the excitement of well, it gets really cold here. And finally, yeah, I'm just grateful for my space. Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time just kind of getting things, you know, just to settle into a home. I mean, I've been nomadic for so many years. And this is my first year that I've actually just been in kind of in one in one place. And now it's just been amazing. And you know, like this morning, I made some tea as changing through the tea, and it's just super happy. And I just have all these beautiful things in my home that I've just been looking at, just because it just makes me happy and just brings me joy. So I'd say that, you know, it's a mix of all that stuff.

Martina Fink 39:26

So beautiful. And yeah, having a space where you feel safe and, and grounded is like, I like to say root deep to rise up. And so like that really helps grounding your energy and then you know, expanding it to other people and out into the world. Is there anything else you would like to share with our listeners today?

Zion Kim 39:47

Yeah, I think everything that's been said has been said. So, you know, I think I may have probably be just in summary, right, which is, you know, my desire for everyone that's listening is that they just give themselves the opportunity to really live their own lives and to live their life and not what they think is expected of them. Hmm.

Martina Fink 40:10

Beautiful. And where can people connect with you and follow you?

Zion Kim 40:15

You can find me on Facebook, which is just Zion Kim. And then just kind of follow along on the journey there, or email on that one empty period CEO. That's the number one, Ms. Mary t as in transformation period, CEO. So yeah, that's a that's probably the easiest, easiest places.

Martina Fink 40:35

Beautiful. We'll share all the links in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today's ion and for sharing your experience and like even your vulnerability on on today's episode as well. And I'm just really, really grateful to have you in my life and so grateful to speak with you.

Zion Kim 40:53

Yeah, likewise, thank you for having me.

Martina Fink 40:55

I am so grateful to be supported by amazing humans, like Zion. And I just want to remind you that your growth is your responsibility and is 100% in your hands. So if there's something you're struggling with, reach out for help. Don't forget to grab your free self care guide for perfectionists which might be the very first step that you're taking. And you can also join us directly in perfectionist rehab, which is a 90 day healing journey out of overwhelm into a fulfilled and glowing life free from perfectionism and high expectations enrollment is currently open and you can find out more on Martina fink.com forward slash rehab. You also find the link in the show notes. It would mean so much to me if you left us a review for this episode. If in any way it has been helpful for you and it's inspiring you to live your very own glowing life. Follow the glow Live podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 135. If there is somebody who needs to hear this episode that you truly care about, please forward it to them. And right now I would love to connect with you on social media you can find me at Martina glows on Instagram and Facebook. Thank you so much for being here today and for caring for yourself so deeply. Because what you do for yourself is going to impact every single soul that you touch. You deserve to feel glowing and confident. Beautiful.

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