How to Set Better Boundaries as a People Pleaser (Includes Journaling Exercise!)

I'm sure you've heard yourself say "I just need better boundaries!". But why? And how do you know you need them? How can you tell it's high time to protect yourself a little better?

Typical indicators that a people pleaser needs better boundaries

The results of not having clear boundaries with work, family, friends, and yourself tend to look something like this:

• You're feeling exhausted at the end of every workday, because you opened your laptop again after dinner (and you shouldn’t have!)

• You're constantly feeling like you’re behind with everything and can’t catch up with your endless to do list (e.g. changing your bed sheets, paying your bills, washing your hair, etc.)

• You're feeling emotionally empty and tired, because you’re always there for everyone and end up having zero time for yourself

• You're constantly worrying about what to say to them if you want to cancel an appointment, because you don’t want them to be disappointed

• You're feeling guilty for saying NO to another zoom meeting or call with friends, when really your calendar is already filled to the brim

Listen, it’s exhausting! I know you want to be kind and loved, but it's 100% time for some solid boundaries that you need to communicate confidently. And know that the people who truly care about you, will still love you anyway.

Another important point here is: you also need to respect your boundaries yourself. Let's say you say you’ll stop working at 7pm, but always end up working until 9pm... it’s not going to work out for you if you don't even respect your own word. And as a result, your glow will be turned off.

Setting better boundaries without hurting anyone

Yes, you can definitely set boundaries while improving your relationships as well as having more time left for yourself. Taking care of your own needs is your duty. When you're filled up, you can serve others so much better. When you're filled up, you can show up for your loved ones with 100% of your energy, love, and time. Whereas when you're already burned out, your plate is overflowing, and you're running at 7% of your own batteries, you can only show up for them from that place.

Journaling for easy boundary setting

Here are a few journaling questions you can use to help you set better boundaries:

• What boundaries do I need to setup?

• Which ones am I not respecting myself?

• What is the reason why I am not respecting my own boundaries?

• What am I afraid will happen if I communicate my new boundaries clearly?

• What is the worst thing that could happen if I set better boundaries to protect myself and my energy?

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