How to Stop People Pleasing

The cycle of over-commitment, resentment, procrastination, and shame is very common among perfectionists, and it's a cycle that will continue unless you address it.

You are not a procrastinator, you have a habit and a pattern of procrastination. You have a habit of over-commitment. You have a habit of saying YES to everyone and everything, which turns out to often be a NO to yourself. You currently allow these habits to continue in your life.

Most probably, you're the person in your circle that says YES quickly when someone asks you to do something. When someone you know needs help, do you jump in? Are you the problem solver? A great listener? Are you the "go-to" person when there's a quick deadline, because they know you will say YES?

If this resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. I used to be a people pleaser and said YES to things when my calendar was already overflowing with no space to breathe! So yes, I get you!

Reminder: You are innately enough

I also really, deeply wish you knew just how wildly beautiful, worthy, and valuable you are in this world, just simply as you are. Without the YESes to everything, without you having to fix everything, without the people pleasing, you are enough. As you exist, you are enough. You are you, your simple existence is enough. Without any labels or conditions, as you are, right now, you are enough.

Of course, I have been coaching long enough to know that me simply telling you this truth is not enough. You may smile when you read it, you may even tear up, because it hits such an important inner belief that you have about yourself, but it won't change you. Facts don't change people, actions do.

Simple exercise to say NO more this year

Take a look at your days, at your weeks, look at the first half of this year. How much of your time this year have you given to others by saying YES, just because you wanted to please someone or get somebody's validation? And in the process, actually said NO to yourself, because you simply only have 24hrs? The rest of this year can be different. You can decide to choose yourself over everyone else from now on.

I encourage you to set some time aside this week in your calendar for a people pleasing assessment session with yourself. In that session, take your journal, pick your favorite pen, and finish these sentences:

"I feel resentful when I say YES to... [insert thing/event/person]"

"I can say YES to myself this week/month/year by..."

"It is safe for me to say NO, because..."

Sending you so much love and light as you move through these exercises, and I am excited for you to put yourself first, because it's only when your own cup is full that you can fully support the people around you.

Note: my DMs on Instagram are always a safe and confidential space for you to share anything you feel moved to.

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