#136 Releasing Perfection to Find Your Purpose with Tallia Deljou

Tallia Deljou has a Master's degree in Positive Psychology and is a life coach helping people find their path, honor their gifts, and connect to their purpose. Through her signature coaching program, Power by Purpose, and her Forbes' featured podcast, Sincerely Me, Tallia gives people the tools to break through their fears and stories and pursue meaning with clarity and confidence. Her work continues to be featured across platforms including Forbes, Fortune, Real Simple, Business Insider, and Well + Good.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

• How to stop looking for happiness in the "next thing"

• How to shift out of an overthinking mindset into taking one babystep forward towards your purposeful life

• Why your answers are in your fears

• How to redefine success in a way that feels good and isn't just achievement based

• Why you can perfectionize your self-care + why you should not do that

• How to not stress about not knowing what's next

And so much more!

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Work with Martina
Download your free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionists
Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab
Pussy - by Regena Thomashauer
Myndmap Planner (https://www.myndmap.co)

CONNECT WITH TALLIA

instagram.com/talliadeljou
talliadeljou.com
Sincerely Me Podcast

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 136. With Tallia Deljou. Welcome to the glow life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence and learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down and use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Martina Fink 1:03

Welcome back to the glow life Podcast. I am grateful that you are here. And today I'm bringing on one of my beautiful friends, Talia and we are going to talk a lot about your purpose and how to find your purpose how to get clarity when you're feeling overwhelmed when you're overthinking everything and how to take simple steps forward out of that life where you might be kind of okay with your life. But it's just not exciting enough and not fulfilling enough. And before we dive into that, I want to share a tip with you the glow Tip of the Week. And this one is a simple one. But it's also not that easy. Sometimes it's to buy yourself flowers. I had a situation recently where I was buying tulips and it was a packet of like 15 to lips for $5, which is a really, really low price for flowers, right? And I instantly grabbed two so 32 lips. And a couple seconds later, I started feeling guilty. I was saying to myself or I was hearing the mean voice to myself say you don't need to you can just buy one, it's enough to just have one, why would you buy two, and we're talking about $5 it's clearly not about the money. It's about the worthiness and accepting that I actually am worthy of buying 30 tulips, you know. And so the next time you go to the flower store, buy yourself some flowers. And notice the story that comes up for you that fear in your mind tells you that you don't need flowers, that flowers are only two gifts to other people and not to yourself. And you will have to throw them away in a couple of days or that they're too expensive or that you don't need them like whatever it is that comes up, be mindful of that and then tell yourself that you actually do deserve them. Flowers are so beautiful. And I have one here in front of my computer and it smells so good. And it's also just so pretty. It makes me so happy to look at flowers. And I'm sure you feel the same way. So go get yourself some flowers this week and spoil yourself with whatever flower with however many you want to get. Go for it. And now let's bring on my beautiful friend Talia del Shu who has a master's degree in positive psychology and is a life coach that helps people find their path, honor their gifts and connected to their purpose through her signature coaching program called power by purpose and her Forbes featured podcast sincerely me. Talia gives people the tools to break through their fears and stories and pursue meaning with clarity and confidence. Her work continues to be featured across platforms including Forbes fortune, real simple, Business Insider and well and good. In today's episode Talia and I talk about how to stop looking for happiness in the next thing aka outside of you how to shift out of an overthinking mindset into taking one baby step forward towards your purposeful life while your answers are in your fears how to redefine success in a way that feels good and that isn't just achievement based why you can perfection is your self care and why you should not do that, how to not stress about knowing what's next and so much more and you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 136 Welcome Talia. I am so grateful and so excited to have you on the podcast today.

Tallia Deljou 4:51

Thank you so much for having me. I feel like this was destined and meant to be and we will. Yeah, we'll see what comes up in this conversation because I'm sure we could go for days.

Martina Fink 5:02

I know, I know so much to talk about, around the things that we have experienced and the things that we work with, with our clients on. And so one of the things that you're really big on is clarity and finding your purpose really, like why am I here? What am I doing? And before we dive into all those details, I would love to know, what your experience was that actually brought you to your purpose.

Tallia Deljou 5:27

Yeah, that's a great place to start. So I think for me, you know, as, as far back as I can remember, my mind has always been filled with questions, and curiosity around what makes life worth living and what gives us a sense of identity and like, what is purpose and what makes life meaningful. And a lot of those questions were shaped from just kind of experiencing my mom for years up until today, really searching for herself and searching for her purpose and kind of chasing happiness and thinking she's going to find it in the next thing right outside of herself. And, you know, it's hard to see that it's hard to watch that. And that's, you know, when you observe that happening, like you start to see the ways and the things you've been looking for that thing in, clearly are working. You kind of just see, you know, I've seen her kind of stuck in that same cycle for years and years and years. And that ultimately led me to wanting to pursue kind of higher education and all of this and get my master's in positive psychology, which really helped me find the answers to these questions that were just naturally kind of like, in my mind already. And so that's, that's really what kind of shaped who I am. And we'll talk about this in terms of my philosophy around purpose. But I think purpose is really being in the most authentic expression of who you are, and finding answers to the questions that come So naturally, and that you're kind of curiosities already tied to you. And so for me, it's, it's what I do now is helping other people find it, but it's also just who I am. Like, it's what I think about when I wake up, it's what gets me to feel my emotions, it's all of those things combined in one. So I've been lucky in that I've really been in touch with that thing for as long as I can remember, because it was such a big part of my day to day experience in reality, and I knew that's what I was experiencing. I'm sure other people are also asking the same questions, but don't really know where to turn to find answers. So that's a little bit of the background story in terms of what got me to, to doing this work today.

Martina Fink 7:27

Yeah, I love that you mentioned that you're helping others now. Because we always feel that we're the only one with whatever it is, we're struggling with, whether it's you know, the breakup, or the not knowing what to do, or having lack of clarity or being really hard on yourself, we always feel like we're the only ones. And knowing that like is that whatever I'm experiencing, most probably someone else is experiencing or has experienced the same thing. And that's just so powerful, and a beautiful reminder to know that we're not alone in this. And that's why we have such beautiful communities where women can come together that are experiencing similar things. I feel like that's like, that's because you and I, that's why you and I connect so well, too, because we have like some similar experiences that we're going through.

Tallia Deljou 8:19

Yeah, I mean, that's what that's what creates connection. That's what creates a sense of belonging. And I think that's why you and I love running group programs, because we know the value like yes, there's value in doing this work on your own and in like the self reflection ways and whatnot. But we're missing such a big piece of the puzzle for doing it on our own. And so much of I think what people walk away with is not just the kind of clarity that comes from doing the work, but also the like feeling held feeling supported feeling seeing there is such a healing component to this work that can only really habit in groups. And I know people are hesitant to let themselves be seen in the mess of it all. But there's something so beautiful about inviting people into that part of your journey and story. And I know you and I like it lights us up to facilitate that and create those spaces and also be in those spaces ourselves and let ourselves be seen and whatever we need to be seen in.

Martina Fink 9:16

Yeah, and I was just listening to this book called Pussy by Regina Thomas shower on my walk today and she was talking about how you know for me, that's the glow for her she talks about radiance and she was saying how your radiance can come out in the presence of other women. It's almost like we light each other up to bring that radiance out of you. And since we are I don't want to say we because we are in this space but someone who is just you know, working and hustling and going to the office every day and overworking themselves and working from home and working on the weekends and during their vacation. All of that stuff like you're completely disconnected from your radiance because you're not putting yourself in environments where this glow can eventually come up and come out of you.

Tallia Deljou 10:03

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean everything. We're relational beings, everything happens in relationship, right? Yes with ourselves, but but especially in relationship with other people, because that's where the triggers come. And that's what that's where our lessons really reveal themselves. So yeah, I think I love that idea of like the radiance and the glow, and it being something we can pull out of each other when we come together.

Martina Fink 10:26

Yeah, so let's talk about clarity and purpose. Because the the women I work with are usually, you know, very hard working and often overwhelmed, easily stressed out irritable, because all they do is I always say work, eat, sleep, repeat. And that's, you know, gets you to a point where you're like, is this really it? And you're like, mid 30s, you're wondering, is this really it? Or is there something else? You already know that there's something missing? But it's often very difficult to say, what is it that is missing? And then also, what do I even do? Because I'm already certain age and Can I still change my career? Or what if I quit my job and don't find another one? Or like, you know, things in relationships. So it's something really difficult for them where they're overthinking, and are feeling also overwhelmed with the possibilities and the options, and maybe right now in 2021, not being able to do certain things you would want to do. And so what would you do with such a client that comes to you is like, please help me I don't know where to start. But I know there's something more in life.

Tallia Deljou 11:33

Yeah. I mean, so we would go in so many different directions, I think the first thing would be to just kind of celebrate that knowing, right? You wouldn't, yes, there might be the overwhelm and the uncertainty, and I don't know what's next, and all the questions and the fears and the excuses and the doubts. And yet underneath all of that there is a knowing that there's something that's asking for your attention. So to celebrate the fact that you're in touch with that part of you, and that, you want to listen to that, because most people, I'd go so far as to say, you know, most people just ignore that voice and deny that voice. And don't let that voice come to the surface. And so it's big to just acknowledge that it's there. And to get curious about it. I think that's the first thing I'd say is let's look at this and get curious before freaking out about what it means or like what I have to do now and what does that mean for my job? And what does that mean, for the 30 years of my life that I've built like, slowly roll right and just let's let's first celebrate and acknowledge and look at what wants to be looked at. And then I think it's immediately kind of stepping into this space of, you know, what are the hesitations? What are the doubts? What are the fears? And what are they there to tell you? Again, it's a continuation of that first piece, let's stay curious. And let's look at the objections that are stopping you from really exploring what wants to be explored. And I think what stops most people from that is they jump immediately to again, what do I have to do about this? And how is it going to happen? Or what is it going to look like? And then just how, right and I think, when that question comes in, it's really just our way of stopping ourselves from the exploration because the exploration feels threatening, because it's different than what we know. And so it starts to just kind of shake up the foundation that we've felt for so long. So the question of how we don't know how to answer the house. So Well, what's the point? I'm going to just forget about this and keep doing what I've been doing? So I know, there's a lot of pieces in that. But I think it's staying curious about it. I think it's looking at the fears, the doubts, the assumptions, calling them out, bringing them to the surface, and really looking at what's actually true in them and challenging the truth of them and letting yourself not have the answers yet letting yourself not fully know. And being okay, in that kind of gray area, I think that's a muscle we all get to build is is what is the relationship to uncertainty, can you let yourself explore without fully knowing what it's going to lead to and not be attached to the outcome? In the process of it.

Martina Fink 14:02

There's a controlling aspect to this, which is very dominant and perfectionist, you know, wanting to be the one in control and wanting to know, not just what is step number one, two, and three, but also 57, 58, 59. And then also you want to know where step 100 what that will get you. And if you don't know what step 100 will be is like the how, like you said, then you're not even starting. Yeah, so I feel like it's really bringing them back into the present moment and thinking like Okay, now let's take just one baby step and then see what happens.

Tallia Deljou 14:39

Exactly, it totally is a practice of presence, because all all the things you just mentioned is us jumping into the future. Well, what is this person gonna think and well, what if I do quit and then they say this thing and what if? And just notice like with all the what ifs in the what ifs is the thing you actually want, right? Well, what if when I quit, this happens. Oh, so So quitting is something you're actually considering. Let's look at that before the fear of judgment tackles itself on to it and attaches right. Like the answers are in the fears. And it's it's about, like teasing out what's true and what's not. And and also looking at I asked this question last week on one of my group calls like what are you getting from? What are you getting from the story that you don't know? Because I think there's an element of like, yes, you want to let yourself have the answers. But also, what are you pretending not to know? What are you getting from not knowing? And most of it's just comfort and familiarity? Because as long as I tell myself, I don't know, I don't have to do anything about it.

Martina Fink 15:40

Yeah. It's interesting. I just recently surveyed my entire community to find out, you know, what they're struggling with? What's holding them back? Where's perfectionism standing in the way. And one of the things they mentioned is like, they are so afraid of failing that they don't even start and not even just failing, it's more like, well, if I do this, then I have to do perfectly, or you know, that new life or whatever that purpose or that business or that project has to be perfect. And in order for it to be perfect, it becomes so much that I don't even want to start.

Tallia Deljou 16:14

Yep. But there's something you're getting from that. Because starting is a risk starting feel threatening to the ego starting is new and different than stalling, which is what you've been doing. And so like, of course, of course, that's how you're feeling. And can you let that be there while also taking action? Like, it doesn't have to be one or the other thing? I think it's inviting space for both inviting space for fear fear of failure and risk taking. But yeah, I mean, I think the fear of failure, not even trying, because it has to look perfect. I mean, I think you and I and maybe we can speak into just the experience we're going through right now in this program we're in together and how, yeah, it feels, can I can I use bad words?

Martina Fink 17:03

Just be you.

Tallia Deljou 17:05

Like, yeah, it feels fucking threatening, because I'm in unfamiliar territory, right? And there's a part of me that wants to have all the answers and wants to get it right. But then there's no, there's no growth in that, right. And of course, it's easier said than done, I need to hear this, myself, too, is like, I can't expect it to be perfect. And if I did, then I wouldn't be able to learn the lessons I need to learn in order to grow myself and my business and like dot dot dot. And so it goes back to the question of what like, What's your relationship to uncertainty? And can you let yourself be new at something? Can you let it be unfamiliar? Can you let yourself not be the one in the room with all the answers? And for me that the thought of that was the scariest thing because I had never done that I had never been in the room with a bunch of people where I was the one who had no answers. Like I've, I like being the one who people turn to and who go to for it. Like, that's what I'm used to. And I get a sense of identity and self worth and value. And being that person, it's my I've built up an identity around it. And I know like being a perfectionist, it's an identity, right? And so to not be in that identity is like, well, who am I if I can't wear this identity of perfectionist or identity of whatever, because that's how I've identified myself for so long. And so to detach from that, or to maybe set that down for a moment, makes me feel like I'll be standing in a room totally naked, with nothing to protect me like it's, it's, again, it's the most threatening thing, because it's been it's been armor, it's been protection. It's been a blanket that, you know, hopefully you invite yourself where you get invited to try, try taking it off for a day and see what happens. And you can pick it back up if you want to. But it's a conscious choice, you get to make too.

Martina Fink 18:55

Yeah, I like to refer to it as wearing masks, and, you know, hiding behind your mask and pretending you're all good behind your mask when you're really, you know, crumbling and struggling and, and all of those things. So it's beautiful that you mentioned that and stepping out of that is scary. 100%.

Tallia Deljou 19:15

Yeah. And that's, I think the last thing I'll add there, too, is because I think a lot of us associate our success to the identity versus the actual qualities that you possess as a person, right? Like, and this is so much of where the imposter stuff comes into the picture as we associate our success to Well, I got lucky or Well, I put in 10 extra hours or I didn't make a mistake. And it's like, well, Is that why you achieve success? Or is it because you know, you're a highly intuitive person or because you have a really developed skill set and blank and like it's other things too. And so it's making sure we're looking at all those things that attribute to our successes and feeling like we get to remove the pieces that feel the heaviest and know that what remains standing is the parts of us that are actually lasting and true. And who we really are deep down.

Martina Fink 20:10

Yeah, what came to me as we were talking was like the difference between doing and being, and success being something for most people, for me, including in the past, specifically, of what are my achievements, what have I done, and after I do certain things, or after I reach a certain position or salary or whatever, then I am being seen as successful. Whereas the route we're going now is like, how can you be a different person? How can you embody everything that success means because success, the definition of success for me has changed so much in the past years, it's no longer about the numbers and the, you know, what's in your CV, and what other people think of you and all that stuff, and the, the amount of compliments you received, but it's more around, I'm measuring my success on, like, how happy I am and how fulfilled I am and how beautiful my day is, and how beautiful I make my days, and how you Yeah, really, for me, it's the glow life, like how glowing is my life today. And if it's totally glowing, then that's a success. And that's the kind of life I want to live in. That's the kind of person I want to be, I don't want to be doing something in order to be successful, I want to just embody all of these elements that I define success with.

Tallia Deljou 21:30

Yeah, and what I love about your whole, like, all your messaging, your brand new is that what makes me glow is it's different for me than it is for you. Right. So there's such a level a level of layer of like, it's subjective, it's personal. And and, and yet On the flip side, I think where we get kind of lost on our own path is that there's this one idea of success we all buy into, and I'm sure you still fit into this plenty, so I won't get too much into it. But the power here is in that you get to define what a what a glow, yeah, well glow means to you, and how that feels to you and what that looks like to you. And it's it's personal, it's some it's not something that anybody else can tell you, or define for you or even measure for you. It's your own kind of internal compass. And, and I think that's why it's such a beautiful and the visual to have, like, of just the glow and the sparkle of the shine. Like, it's such a beautiful and warm feeling comes with it. And yeah, I think it's a really important new metric we get to use when we think about what we want for ourselves, and what's actually going to lead to a high quality of life that again, no one can determine but you.

Martina Fink 22:37

And what does it mean to you personally?

Tallia Deljou 22:39

What it means to me is, I was thinking about this question, because I knew you were gonna ask it. Think living a glow live means standing in my power. And I know even power is kind of like a big abstract word. But it's it's really drawing my sense of self from within myself, and knowing which voice is the voice of truth, because we've all got that small cell voice. And then we've got that higher self voice. And for me, it's really about getting into the practice of making the conscious choice to choose the higher voice, the greater voice that your voice. And I think it's also when I think about, you know, the word glow, it's also really about loving myself. And this has been such a hard lesson for me, but letting myself shine, and not be afraid of how it makes other people feel, and just taking more responsibility for myself and less for other people. That's been a tough lesson. But I think yeah, that's what comes to mind when I when I answer the question.

Martina Fink 23:42

Yeah, you will be surprised by how many other people you can actually Inspire to glow to when you allow yourself to glow.

Tallia Deljou 23:50

Yeah. And then it opens up such a window of exploration, right? Because there's like, there's, there are very clear experiences that I've had throughout my life that make me feel like it's not safe to be in my joy. So I carry that with me as I do. That's proof that it's not. So I hold on to that. Because I don't want to feel the way I felt in those experiences. And so that's again, where we get to, you know, do some coaching work and do some healing work, because is that one experience going to define me in the rest of my life? I hope not. But there are pieces that still kind of like remnants of that, that hold me back into like, some old ways of being. So that's the beauty of this work, though.

Martina Fink 24:35

So many times I thought, okay, now I'm over this. I've got this, I figured it out. And then the next big challenge comes and you notice Oh, it's the exact same thing, the exact same wound that comes up that we need to peel back another layer of the onion to you know, that just keeps growing.

Tallia Deljou 24:52

Yeah, and you saw this for me in our last call. But there was again something that came up for me and through digging and looking it you know what's behind it, I was like, damn it, it's the same shit. Like, it's, it's the same thing but manifesting this other way. And okay, like, I get to look at this again, you know and and stay curious about it and be loving and gentle and patient with myself instead of beating myself up for like, why aren't you over this yet? And why is this still bothering you? And you're better than that and don't let this bother you anymore. And it's easy to fall into that kind of judgment and self criticism. Or you can just say, All right, let's see what what's clearly something still here. And if I don't look at it now, it'll continue popping up. Let's play.

Martina Fink 25:39

Yeah, let's play. What would you say has been the biggest lesson that you have learned about yourself? on this journey?

Tallia Deljou 25:48

Oh, my gosh, so many, too many. Sometimes my husband's like, Can you just have like a normal day or you're not trying to coach yourself through every? Every day? I'm like, I just realized this thing about me like I'm so deep in it sometimes, or all the time. But I'd say one of the biggest lessons recently, since there are so many ways I could answer this question. One of my biggest recent lessons is in like giving myself permission to change and be different. I actually wrote this down to create some content around I think, when someone does something like you've changed or you're different, the like underlying sentiment there is that it's wrong or that it's bad. And yet, I think that's the most beautiful compliment I could ever receive is that I've changed and that I'm different, because I'm growing, and I'm human, and I'm evolving. And, and because I'm giving myself that permission to change and be different. I'm also giving other people permission to change and be different. And that takes some radical honesty with myself, because I think I've definitely had moments where I'm like, Oh, she's not how she used to be, she's changed. And it's like, well, of course, she has that like, because she's a living human being. And that's what we're here to do. I think that's something I've recently been looking at and moving through and giving myself and therefore other people permission to not that it's my job to give other people permission, but it it's just brought some perspective until like the point of life is that and why are we so quick and harsh to judge ourselves or other people for doing what we're here to do, which is grow and change? And I hope I'm not the same person I was last year. I don't I don't take offense to that, if that's the feedback you'd have to give me.

Martina Fink 27:32

Yeah, it's so funny. On my birthday, I received a couple of cards from like, really old friends. You know, like friends, we've been friends since like teenager or even before and there were saying something like, I don't know if you do that in English, but in German, we would say something like, say the way you are. I'm like, I don't want to stay the way I am. Like, there's so many things I want to explore. And it really triggered me I'm like, I'm glad you like me the way I am. But I have so much more I want to do and create an explorer. I don't want to stay the same.

Tallia Deljou 28:03

Interesting. Yeah. So what like what's immediately coming up for me there too, which might seem contradictory to what I said earlier? Maybe not? I'm not sure yet. But I think as we grow, it's not that we're like for someone to say stay the way you are. It's like yeah, and I'm going to become more and more and more and more of who I really am. And with that means I'm going to like I'm going to change but I'm changing into more of me versus being a different or another person. Does that make sense?

Martina Fink 28:33

Yeah. It's just, it's just about Yeah, probably peeling more of the masks back that you're wearing and becoming more more of you really?

Tallia Deljou 28:43

Yeah, yeah. So interesting.

Martina Fink 28:45

So it's like, so complex. My brain must be like trying to.

Tallia Deljou 28:54

This is where I like conversations when they get into this like, almost like philosophical like, what what Who are you really and like? What does it mean to be more of who you are? And like, what is the self and how the it's just yeah, it opens up so many more questions.

Martina Fink 29:09

For sure. For sure. Like we Yeah, we could go on forever. We need to set like a dinner date or something like discuss? Who am I?

Tallia Deljou 29:21

Beautiful question.

Martina Fink 29:22

Now I have a couple of questions before we wrap up. And the first one is that I want to know your self care routine.

Tallia Deljou 29:29

Yes. I love this question. Because I also struggle with like, well, but this isn't really like a routine that most people like I have this idea of what a self care routine should look like. And because it's not that I feel like mine is not good enough. So I'm in the practice of really like owning my self, my stuff my life the way I live. So for me, my self care routine involves flexibility in the mornings of what time I wake up. It involves listening to my body I think you had recently posted something about like, if you're snoozing, if you're just tired, like let yourself rest, let yourself sleep. So self care to me is really listening and trusting my body and not feeling bound by like rules that I placed on myself or how things should look. Another big part of my self care routine is movement of some sort. And it's by no means like a 30. It's, it's this many minutes, every day I do this thing, it really is just like when I feel like my body needs to move, I move my body, when I'm thirsty, I drink water, like it's really a practice of just listening and responding and giving my body what it's asking for another big piece of it. I've actually started doing this recently, I just got this amazing. I'm not I would not call myself a planner, or a to do list person like, that just makes me like really squirm. But I just got this journal called the mind map journal. And it's a comp, it's a journal slash planner. And it's the one I've actually stuck to so far, and I've been carving out time. And this is very new. But I'm really excited about it, because of how it makes me feel actually putting things in my calendar, like, take a break and go to Starbucks, right? It's like little treats that I give myself throughout the day, to remind me that I, I also matter in my day, because most of my day goes to other people to clients to like meetings and calls. And so for me, it's making sure that I also include myself in my days and include my needs in my days, and carve out time for it. And it looks differently every day. I don't have a like, here's my routine every morning. I kind of wish I did. But I'm also just that's not how I function right now. That was a long winded answer, and not much of a direct answer. But that's kind of what it looks like for me right now.

Martina Fink 31:44

Yeah. And that's also the reason why I asked everyone who comes on to the podcast, what their routine is, because there is no right or wrong here. And there is also a tendency to perfectionize, your routines, and like I have to work out 30 minutes every day, I have to do my meditations 10 minutes every morning. And if I don't do them, I'm failing. And that's exactly, you know, just kind of like a different perfectionism coming disguised as another thing, you know. And so the goal for self care is truly to listen to your body and do whatever it needs. And just like you said, doing those things, sleeping in taking breaks. And at the same time, if you're someone that's very used to over giving, and always being there, for other people, you need to have certain boundaries with yourself, like scheduling your Starbucks and, and things like that, where you get reminded that it is an appointment that is just as important, if not more, as any other appointments. And I, I had to schedule my lunch breaks in because I used to skip lunch all the time, because I was so busy, and there was so much to do, and you got to schedule it in. And if that helps, great if you don't schedule it in for me, it's like if something's not on my calendar, it's not happening. Often.

Tallia Deljou 33:03

Yeah, I'm the same way. And I have you to think too, for just some of the ways I've changed. Spending time with throughout my week, like the invitation from you and how you kind of shared how you schedule your own time, as you know, now, over the past two weeks moving forward Mondays and Tuesdays, I don't book really any calls. And it's my day to like focus on the things I need to focus on. And my time goes to me and myself and my business and whatever else needs attention. So I call that a part of my self care is is setting its boundary setting 100%. And just noticing how different it felt to wake up yesterday, and to not have any calls on my schedule. Like it truly felt it felt really nice. It felt like a gift to myself. It felt sacred, it felt really special. And it made me feel cared for by me, you know. And so yeah, I think I love that you asked this question, I think there is a tendency to want the answer to be perfect, but it is just what it is for now.

Martina Fink 34:04

Yeah. And it's also if you don't take care of you, nobody else is going to do that for you. Because nobody can do that for you. And there will always be more things you can do. Yeah. And tomorrow is another day.

Tallia Deljou 34:16

Yeah. Yeah. And that's it's an interesting question. And I'll keep the short but I think there was probably an element of wanting somebody else to do it for me, and waiting for somebody else to do it for me because I saw myself as the victim to my calendar or to my business like woe is me and I'm so busy. If that's the biggest that's the mindset I'm in then yeah, I'm waiting for somebody else to come in and make sure I wake up or save me from my life. You know, you're in office like you have a lot more power than you're telling yourself you do and be it's no one else's responsibility but your own and what's comfortable about being in that place is that you get to blame You get to blame other people for your lack of care for yourself, which is interesting to look at too.

Martina Fink 35:07

And I used to be the same when I was still working full time at Apple, I was so proud to tell everyone how busy I was and how I didn't have time. And now when people come to me and brag about how busy they are, and how they don't have time, like, poor you, you know, like, I know how that feels. I know how that feels. But that's not how we should be living life. Right. And and there is absolutely no benefit of burning yourself out.

Tallia Deljou 35:34

Yeah, it is interesting, because I find myself too. It's like, well, if I don't talk about work, then someone asks me how things are going on like, Well, what do I, what do I talk about? Am I still interesting? Am I like, does it make me boring? If I'm like, I'm chilling, like, I'm not doing much. I'm actually not that busy. And it feels amazing, right? There's an element of like, Is that enough? Is that enough to Yeah. Does that make me interesting? Also, like, why does it matter?

Martina Fink 36:01

Exactly, yeah.

Tallia Deljou 36:02

But they find the interesting.

Martina Fink 36:04

Yeah. And that's a whole other conversation. But I feel like we're just so programmed to believe that we need to be busy and busy equals successful. And so we're just, you know, creating a new reality for a generation that doesn't want to hustle that hard.

Tallia Deljou 36:22

Yeah, absolutely.

Martina Fink 36:24

Tell you what are three things that you are grateful for today?

Tallia Deljou 36:28

Ah, time.

Martina Fink 36:31

Yes,

Tallia Deljou 36:32

That's a big thing for me to say, because I feel like, I fight a lot with time and time gives me a lot of anxiety. Running out of time gives me a lot of anxiety. But I am grateful for the time I now feel like I have. And again, I just want to say thanks. Thanks to you for some of the voice notes and coaching you You gave me around this idea that like time wraps around me. And that's totally shifted, it's shifted so much for me. So thank you for that. so grateful for time, I'm grateful for this beautiful space that I get to take these calls in my office and my vision board that Yeah, I'm grateful that I get to feel good. In, in my home when we've you know, we've been home for over a year with COVID and quarantine. And yet, it's been such a beautiful sacred space to be protected by. So I'm grateful for that. And I'm grateful for just new beginnings, new chapters, my husband got a new job offer yesterday, which is really exciting. It opens up a whole new world of people and network and opportunities. And yeah, it feels like an exciting new chapter for us both as well. So those are the things I'm grateful for today.

Martina Fink 37:43

Oh, congratulations. That's very exciting. Very exciting. Is there anything else you would like to share with our listeners today?

Tallia Deljou 37:52

Um, last thing I'll share is how lucky are you who is listening that you found Martina, because she is such a bright light. And I feel like you and I, we think in so many similar ways, and I think triggered by a lot of the same things. It's just been really nice to have found you on my own journey. And I have no doubt that many other people feel the same. So whoever's listening, send some love and gratitude to this lovely lady right here because it's important work and you show up in your own glow. And you take care of yourself and show us that we get to do the same. So thank you.

Martina Fink 38:32

You're so welcome. And I'm feeling so blessed to know you too. And like have someone who actually understands me, you know, some of the things we're going through. Where can people find you online? Talia?

Tallia Deljou 38:44

Yes, so people can find me. My main platform is Instagram. So I'm on the gram at TalliaDeljou. And my website is TalliaDeljou.com, my kind of bread and butter is as Martina alluded to helping people really find their path and, and honor their purpose. And so if you're looking for some more direction around all things, purpose and path and what are your soul gifts and what's the call on your heart and what are you here to do I invite you to just poke around and see what's what's up in my world and reach out and say hello, I love connecting to any and all human beings. And especially if you're here in the space listening to this conversation, I'm sure there's a lot we get jammed out together. So that's where you can find me.

Martina Fink 39:27

Beautiful. We will link all your links in the show notes and you also have a podcast.

Tallia Deljou 39:32

I do.

Martina Fink 39:34

Yeah, we too will link as well. Thank you so much Talia for taking the time out of your day to have this conversation for sharing your beautiful glow with everyone in my community. And I just want to honor you for doing this work as well. And for you know, supporting and guiding so many people to their own glow and helping them uncover their their purpose so that they can also ripple out there go to more people and that's how we truly, you know, make the world a better place.

Tallia Deljou 40:06

Exactly. That's what we're here to do.

Martina Fink 40:09

Thank you.

Martina Fink 40:10

I am so grateful to be friends with Talia and for meeting amazing women like her in programs and courses that I attend myself. And sometimes my clients asked me how can I find more people and friends that align with my values and what I want to do in my life. And if you are looking for new best friends, join a program where you can find your own glow and become the best version of you. And then that glow will ripple out to the people that are also in the program. And when you invest in programs and courses that you enjoy, you will find people that enjoy the same things. If you are struggling with overwhelm, control, stress, negative self talk perfectionism, not knowing what to do next and resonate with the topics that we shared today. You can find more about working with me on Martina Fink calm or with the link in the show notes. Don't forget to download your self care guide for perfectionist to help you quit overwhelm and work less without compromising results. The link is also in the show notes and no I'm not just telling you to do face smiles and drink a cup of tea This is a different a next level kind of self care guide. If you enjoyed this episode and you were able to take away some really helpful tips from this I would be so happy if you would share your review. for this episode. Follow the glow life podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 136. There's anybody in your life that you love and that really needs to hear everything we talked about today. Please forward it to them right now. Thank you for being here today and for truly caring so deeply for yourself. Because what you do for yourself and when you find your purpose, this is going to impact every single soul that you touch. You deserve to feel glowing and confident, beautiful.

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#135 Victimhood vs. Radical Responsibility with Zion Kim

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you're the victim and everything is happening TO you, you're going to want to listen to this episode! Shifting out of the victim space into a space where you take full responsibility of where you're at and what you CAN do, has not only changed my life, it is about to change yours, too!

In this episode, I am talking to my mentor Zion Kim, the founder of several multi-million dollar companies and an amazing coach, who always gets me to see and uncover things in myself that I'm not able to see myself.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

• Why we can get hurt by uncommunicated expectations

• The difference between harmony and intimacy

• How to shift out of being a victim and take radical responsibility

• Why we deserve deeper, more intimate relationships

• How to shift from feeling powerless to powerful by taking full ownership

And so much more!

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

The Darma Triangle Explained

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 135. With Zion Kim. Welcome to the glow life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence. And learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day. Welcome back to the glow Live podcast.

Martina Fink 1:05

Ooh, today's episode is going to potentially change your life forever. I am talking to my very own coach and mentor, Zion, and it's been a beautiful journey and not always fun. Let me just say this, it's not always fun. But before we get started with the conversation today, I want to share my top glow Tip of the Week with you. And together with you know the topic that we're covering today, I want to challenge you to look at something that is truly annoying you at the moment, maybe it is a specific person, maybe it's something at work, maybe it's a situation where you need to speak up and you're not doing it but you're still getting annoyed about it all the time. So find a challenge or a situation that is annoying you at the moment. And then I want you to ask yourself one question, how did I create this? That is something we are talking about today about taking full responsibility. And as you know, we create our own reality. And that means we also create the challenges and the difficult situations we often face. So ask yourself, How did I create this and then shift from blaming others to taking full responsibility, because it's only then when you can actually start to change things. It's not always the others that made you get to this place. So let's dive in with my guest today is ion Kim. And if you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you're the victim and everything is happening to you and not really for you, you're going to want to listen to this episode shifting out of the victim space into a space where you can take full responsibility for where you're at and what you can do has not only changed my life completely, it is also about to change yours too. In this episode, I am talking to my mentor Zion, the founder of several multimillion dollar companies and an amazing coach who always gets me to see and uncover things in myself that I'm not able to see alone. In today's episode, we talk about why you can get hurt by uncommunicative expectations, the difference between harmony and intimacy, how to shift out of being a victim and take radical responsibility, why we deserve deeper, more intimate relationships, how to shift from feeling powerless to powerful by taking responsibility and so much more. And you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 135. Welcome Zion. I am so grateful to have you on the podcast today.

Zion Kim 4:00

I'm very excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

Martina Fink 4:02

Now before we dive into all things, perfectionism, and you know being a victim of your time and schedule, and yeah, really struggling with too much strategy and overthinking in the mind. I would love for you to just give us a brief introduction into like who you are, and specifically, how have the last two years look like for you? Because there has been a huge transformation for you too.

Zion Kim 4:28

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I am an entrepreneur and I have been for just over the last 10 years. And in the last two years, I was in the process of probably growing my largest company that I've ever grown personally at the time, you know, I've advised much, much larger organizations. And you know, what's interesting was I have this relationship to speed and you know, and I've just become really aware of why that's the case and why I want to grow the organization so fast and you know, we went from literally zero To 5 million in a year, right and built this team of like 3035 people, and it was very much like jumping off a cliff and building the jet plane down, right. And we hit some issues with the business itself and ended up crashing, and we had to let 35 people go overnight. So that was how I started off, you know, my 2019. And that was in and that let's just say that was around like may sometime. And then at the same time, I found out that I was going to have a baby, right. And a couple months after that, we found out that the baby actually miscarried. And that was super tough. Yeah, as you can probably imagine. And you know, and then a couple months later, when my friends and mentors took his own life, and that was really tough on me, because he actually shared that with me early in the year that that's what he was experiencing. And I felt that I didn't really hear him. And that, but I also really didn't really allow myself to take responsibility for it, because I think that's what a lot of people do in those scenarios. Yeah. And then, you know, I ended the year by actually, transitioning out of my engagement, it's my fiance, and in 2019, and then yeah, and then 2020 started, right. And so I ended the year with about, like, just over $300,000 in debt, as well. So, you know, fast forward 2020, you know, the pandemic and COVID and was one of the best years I've ever had, honestly, I built two, you know, two multi seven figure businesses in the same year, while I was actually doing a stint as an executive in another company, so I was actually operating three companies at the same time, and, you know, eventually left my executive position at the end of the year. And, yeah, and yeah, and just, and paid off all my debt before, you know, the mid year and, and it was just pretty remarkable for me. And like, I was just super proud of everything that was created, especially given just, yeah, this is very much a reclamation year for me, just like, you know, this is, this is who I am. And I get to fully choose into what that looks like. For me.

Martina Fink 7:18

One of the things I admire in you so much is that you just, you just go for it and do things like I don't know how you did all of these things in one year. It's so admirable and like it just it just says so much about you just doing the things you want to do. One of the things you mentioned earlier is that you have a relationship with speed and that things need to go really fast. I think that's also something very typical for our generation, where we don't have the patience to wait for the promotion to make more money to get in relationship to have the marriage to have the baby like nothing can go fast enough. What was this thing that you learned about speed and the past? Two years?

Zion Kim 8:00

Yeah, so so the first thing was just kind of being aware of where it came from, right? Because I think a lot of people don't realize how many patterns of what current behaviors that they actually have, are rooted in behaviors that they learned, you know, based on the relationship to their parents and other people while they're growing up. Right. So it's almost like from the ages of zero to really eight or so a lot of the same patterns that were developed as an eight year old are still the patterns that are running the show as adults, right. And what I realized for speed was, it was my way of being able to get out of things faster. So I have like an opposite relationship to perfectionist, right? So for me, it was I was seen as intelligent or smart or rewarded by my parents or by you know, really society, right? Because the faster I can do things, it just meant that I was smarter, right or more intellectual, or I got it faster, right. And that was really rewarded. And you know, and I remember when I was younger, spending the time kind of working on, like running the piano, which I never actually did, or learning to read and doing all these things, it was all a matter of get the work done. So I can leave the space as much as possible. Because, you know, I had a lot of physical kind of abuse in that time, right, like physical and emotional abuse during that time. So it's just like, Okay, well, the faster I get this done, the faster I get out of this environment, and I can go outside and do something else. So that was kind of one of the things right on the one side. The other side was, well, the faster I move, then I don't have to actually see the things that are necessarily broken or the things that are not working. And in a lot of those cases, it's also just a mechanism for me to avoid pain. And in those scenarios as well.

Martina Fink 9:48

I just literally wrote down avoid pain in my journal right now as you were saying it. It's so interesting. I have a very different approach to handling pain, my pattern in the past Used to be, whenever there is pain, I crawl up in bed and sleep and hope that by the time I wake up, the pain will have gone. And it usually works to a certain extent where, you know, your nervous system calms down, and you kind of get a little bit of distance to the issue. But really, the root cause of the problem is still there. And there will it's just a matter of time, like, where this feeling will come back again, and where it will hit you again, until you actually learn. And for me, it's like sitting with the emotions and probably for us to say, instead of avoiding those situations, like actually sitting down and and feeling

Zion Kim 10:37

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And me, I had a moment yesterday, right, where something came up, there was a deal that we thought we're gonna move forward with that we eventually didn't. And I was quite surprised by it, right. And I was just noticing there because I felt like for the last couple of weeks, I was just on the supreme high of life, and then just kind of the first thing was just like, Whoa, so I felt all this, you know, just sadness. And this maybe a level of rejection, but I didn't really want to title it that was just kind of like, feeling what I was feeling. I was doing my best not to label it, because I just felt hurt. Right. And there was just a motion. And, you know, and as it was great, because I just caught myself and I just said, Okay, well, I have to just feel these things. They're not gonna last year forever. And, and I did, right. And that was just really, really fun to just like change out of it. Because then then I just started to ask myself, right, well, what else? What else wants to be created here? You know, what else wants to be coming through me now? Instead, right? And instead, I just kind of shifted into this curiosity, because, you know, in the past would have been very easy for me to fall victim to the whole situation. And I actually noticed, you know, this one thought in my head, which was, what did I do wrong in my life, that this is the consequence of that happening? I was like, wait, like, nothing? Is like nothing, right? Because if everything truly is happening for me, because it is, then what else is going to happen for me? And I just really switched into that curiosity. And so I was very, you know, so yeah, as you know, I work with a lot of people in this work, but I'm also human. Right? So I was super proud of myself just for catching myself for going through the process. Yeah, asking myself the questions. And then, you know, really, it ended up opening up, you know, a really amazing opportunity for me just to look at, well, yeah, what else is possible here, right, and then really sit in that sit in that vision. So that's those extremely, just just a fun process.

Martina Fink 12:42

So good, and just what you said, we're humans, and even though we teach so many of these things, and concepts and ways to feel better, and process emotions doesn't mean that we don't experience them. Like, even if you work on this stuff for five years or 10 years, you're never going to be immune to actual pain and struggles, right? I love that you brought up the the word victim, like being the victim of the situation, and what happened to you yesterday. And I think that's something so many people in my community struggle with, because they feel like everything else is more important than them. So work is more important. Their full calendars are more important. Everyone in their lives is more important than themselves. And often, and I used to be there too, when I was still working at Apple, I would constantly cancel on my friends and family because I was so exhausted. And I'm like, I can't, I'm sorry, I have to cancel, I can't come because I'm so busy. And I used at the same time, I used to pride myself with this business. And I used to think it's so cool to be so so busy, because that meant that I was actually successful. At the same time, I was really trapped in this victim situation with my calendar and with my work. So can you talk a little bit about, you know, one of the concepts I learned from you as a drama triangle and how we take up different roles in relationship with people, but also things like your calendar and your schedule. So I love for you to kind of explain how this works and how, you know, the whole victim thing? Sure comes up.

Zion Kim 14:17

Yeah, happy to. So the drama triangle is a really beautiful concept. Because when you start to look at life, you start to realize that everything is in the context of how you relate to things, right. So when people are coming up against any blocks of momentum in their lives, that they feel like they're stuck, usually it's based on you know, one of four categories, right, it's you and your relationship to yourself and your relationship to other people, you and your relationship to your work and you and your relationship to you know, spirit or God or whatever so that that category, you know, I go into depending on who the person that's made so, and what their journey is, but You know, and when we look at that, there's really three roles that someone can play. And so the triangle, right, which is the hero, the victim, and the villain. So the way I love to illustrate this is okay, well, let's just pretend that you're having a conversation with anybody. Right? So in that scenario, let's say that you have to give someone feedback, and you don't. Right? And then looking at the question of, well, why did you actually not give them the feedback. And if you look at that, in the context of the drama triangle, the reason is because well, you might not want to hurt their feelings. So then automatically, what you're doing is you're taking the sovereignty away from that person and taking the power away from that person, and you are stepping into the hero role, right, because you are trying to save this person, and then all of a sudden, that person becomes a victim. So then what ends up happening over time is you end up going through this relationship, essentially frustrated over uncommunicative expectations, because you've never shared the way that you actually feel with this person. And now you have the capacity to step into the villain, right? Because you start to grow resentment for the other person, but the resentment is actually from you not having a conversation, more so than what this person is actually doing. Because by not saying whatever you want to say to this person, you're actually telling them that they're doing just fine. The way that they are, right? So then you go into resentment, and then all of a sudden, you know, and let's just say you just because then you go one of two ways, right? Then you finally unleash on this person. Or you say nothing, and you exit out of the relationship. And you just say, you know what, I'm done with this, right? And then, and then often what happens is, you know, that person can also become a villain. And they can go resentful, because you just did what you did. Or that, you know, they sort of say, Oh, well, why did you never tell me And the beautiful thing about this is, you can end up playing all three roles at the same time, right? Because by you not sharing the same feedback, even though you're trying to save the person from their emotion, then you're also starting to feel powerless, because you're not receiving what you want, right? And then that person ends up being the villain because you know, they're hurting you right? And not doing whatever it is that you desire from them. And then you're looking for someone to save you from the relationship. So, you know, so when you start to really look at the dynamic right of conversations, and how much is truly being avoided, and you start to realize and understand, well, how does this actually start to play out? And the place that I love, you know, really taking people in? This is just asking them? Do you remember a conversation that you had in the last week where you didn't say what you wanted to share?

Martina Fink 17:47

Yeah, that is such a common thing, like the people pleaser thing, in my community is like, I don't want to let anyone down, I don't want to hurt anyone. So I'd rather not say anything. And another piece of that, which I'm working on two is the element of harmony. So we believe we want to keep the relationship harmonious by not saying anything, so there is no conflict. So we're consciously avoiding the conflict. At the same time, we're really not stepping out for ourselves.

Zion Kim 18:19

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's really funny, right? Because, you know, in the desire for harmony, and what's harmonious about a relationship where there's actually no truth and when you look at this concept of people pleasing, you know, if you're really not sharing how you feel with another person, and you're withholding that information as you interact with this other person, and you don't say anything the entire time, and what is that actually, right and you know, and when I first heard this and I received this feedback, and I received this reflection because I was in the same boat right of the person who didn't say anything. And you know, my my coach turned to me is that you know, that's all line same as lying. You know, in fact, it's the highest form of lying because not only are you withholding and not saying anything, you actually putting on a completely different mask and face and showing up you know, as a as a different human to this site. Gosh, you know, so that's just, you know, that was very big moment for me of awareness of just okay, you know, this is this is how I'm showing up in the world and this is what gets changed for me.

Martina Fink 19:25

What I see often is that and I used to be there to where I was wearing different masks in different situations in different relationships. So I was one Martino when I went to work at the Apple Store, I was another Martino and I was with my friends and I was another Martino and I was with my parents and yes of course certain things like behavior and you know, habits from the past, but also I was consciously behaving differently in different relationships. And what I'm trying to do now with my clients is to merge all of this into just you, you know, how can you just be you And truly just express yourself in whatever relationship because in the end, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So how you speak up for yourself, in your intimate relationship is how you speak up for yourself at work and how you speak up with your parents. And that is so challenging sometimes to, to merge all these pieces into one. Have you experienced this too?

Zion Kim 20:23

Yeah. Well, you know, I think that it's, it's interesting, because a lot of people go through life asking the question, well, who am I actually right, if not this person or this person? But as you're talking? What reminded me around this idea of harmony is, you know, it's harmony at the expense of intimacy. And, you know, it's, is it actually you showing up to that relationship? Or is it the version of you wanting to hold harmony? Right? And is that you that's actually allowing yourself to be seen in whatever it is that you're feeling? And whatever it is that you're experiencing? Are you actually able to express yourself fully in that? Or are you not right? Are you muting yourself and not sharing because of the sake of harmony? Right? And yeah, so when I, when I think about that, it's, there's so many opportunities for people to be more of themselves, but they start to not do that, right? They start to not be all of them and all of who they are, because they think what they're doing is helping other people. But if they're doing it at the expense of them, then are they really developing the relationships that they desire. And oftentimes, what I see with people that are in this bucket of people that don't really share what they want to share with people, they feel very alone in the world. And you know, and for me, I just find that quite sad. Anything,

Martina Fink 21:43

it is very sad. It is very sad, because we're lacking the connection to others. And, and the feeling of belonging, which we cut ourselves off from, I had a really deep conversation with one of my clients earlier this week, where she asked me, Martina, how can I live more in alignment with myself? And I had to just kind of ask the question back to her. And what came out was that she has been vegetarian for a very long time. And she's been wanting to go vegan. But she didn't do it, because she was worried that if she goes to friends, that they would have to cook these complicated meals for her. So she was accommodating them, and at the same time, not allowing herself to actually step into the truth of who she wanted to be.

Zion Kim 22:32

Yeah, that's beautiful.

Martina Fink 22:33

So one of the other things this something, and I don't know if you've experienced that with yourself, or maybe in supporting all the people around you is that there's so much thinking and overthinking and strategizing. In our brains as perfectionist where we're completely I would say we're completely cut off the head from like, the lower part of the body. And being able to connect these two pieces, again, is really helpful. But it's so so challenging, sometimes for perfections that have lived this way for 20 3035 years. Have you experienced this before as well? Or how would you? How would you help someone that's like truly, in their head about everything.

Zion Kim 23:14

So for me that for me, I had that when it came to my relationships, right and really using strategy to navigate the relationships because I didn't want to be in the relationship with a level of vulnerability. And whenever it felt vulnerable, I felt at risk, I felt that I didn't have control, I felt that I could be hurt by it, you know, and what's really remarkable about that whole thing is I was placing more weight on what could happen, right? And I was I was living in the future reality of what could happen of you know, really empowering and investing in the energy of a could happen rather than truly allowing myself to be in the present moment of what is actually unfolding. And, you know, so the first thing is just being in the awareness of, you know, are you actually allowing yourself to be living your life? Right. And, you know, when I think about this idea of perfectionism, you know, I asked myself, and I asked other people this question of, well, what is perfect anyways? Like, what is the definition of your perfection anyways? Because the most comical thing about this and I don't mean this offensively is your idea of what is perfect is someone else's idea of what is absolutely broken. And this goes across the board, right? It's like, whose definition of perfectionism Are you actually holding on to? And is it actually yours? Right? And and when I look at that, it's just looking at Well, isn't that removing us from you know, the capacity just to live the perfection of the present moment of what is actually the unfolding of what is actually happening. And you know, and I think this really ties into a lot of what we already talked about, right? where, you know, how could you imagine, you know, someone feeling you and experiencing you, when all they feel is your strategy, when all they feel is you not saying something, right? Whether it's conscious or unconscious, whether this person is perceptive to it or not? Right, a lot of people in your space in your communities are probably a lot more intuitive than you give them credit for. So if they are receiving you, as someone who's watching their words, is being careful with what they share. That's not they're not really ever, you're not really ever sharing a part of you. And you're really staying on surface to protect yourself, and you have to show that you're wearing this armor that you're wearing, because you want to protect yourself, then I would imagine that a lot of those people might have trouble trusting you, when I realized this for myself, it was just kind of like a, you know, it's kind of a punch in the gut, right? It's just wow. Because once that came into my awareness, and I think this is really the first step for anything, is bringing this into your awareness of well, this is actually what's happening. And can you allow yourself to be and see that and just celebrate, right, and to just have a deep because this is not room for self harm, or For shame, this is an opportunity for even more grace and compassion for where you're at and what you're experiencing. And you know, and this is the first step, right? It's just having that awareness. And then it's just realizing, well, how do you switch this? How do you change this right, and, you know, the opportunity here is, you don't just do the thing that you think is going to happen, and see if it actually happens the way that it happens, right. And if you go into any situations, you know, if you go into any situation with the intention, that you know, something is going to happen with however the way that you think it is, yeah, chances are that it will very true. Like, yeah, if I go into the situation, thinking that the conversation is going to be closed off, then you will be closed off going into that conversation, the person will feel closed off, go into the conversation. So can you just actually release yourself from all attachment to what the outcome is? And just allow yourself just to be curious? And just to see, well, okay, well, if I just left my attachment out the door, that could actually happen. And you know, the last thing on this is just like this idea of perfectionism, I think is it's so heavy, right? It's such a heavy thing to carry. Right. And I think about it in terms of a you literally are trying to have control and a world actually have no control at all. And I think that, you know, the pandemic showed, right, and I think the pandemic showed us this, right, it's just and you've heard me say this, before, that the pandemic did not put us into a world of uncertainty, we were always living in a world of uncertainty, you just now got a front row seat to just how uncertain it actually is. And if it is, in fact, this uncertain, then what is it that you think that you actually know about the world that you're living in? Right, and I look at and I think about this of someone just wearing a backpack, full of bricks, trying to walk up the hill. And that's currently how a lot of people are doing? Yeah, right. And you know, what, if I told you that the answer is as simple as just take the backpack off, and put it down, and just let it go? Because it's not yours, then what would your life look like, of just wow, you have this opportunity to truly reveal and uncover and discover and be in relationship to who you actually are? When you stop trying to hold on and chop? Stop trying to control everything?

Martina Fink 28:44

Yes, so much yes to everything. And one of the things you mentioned, with expecting what will happen if like this whole living in the future, I had a conversation with one of my clients today and she was crying on the phone literally feeling overwhelmed with about this having to have a conversation with her boss next week. And she didn't know what to say to him. And, and I was like, so let's talk about what the actual options are here, and which one you would prefer. And she was like, This is option one. But if I do this, I know exactly. He's gonna react this way. Or he's gonna say this thing. And I'm like, Well, what if you don't think about what will happen after and you just focus on you and the desires that you have, and you stand up for these things because otherwise you're constantly worrying about how people are going to react or might react which is completely out of your control. So just being able to again, just focus on you and on the possibilities and the and the intentions that you have for whatever it is in your life and not so much on the what ifs then that is truly powerful. And that's also how you step out of the victim situation where you no longer like I can't do this. Because of that. I I can't do this because of that, because as perfectionist, we always have all the excuses. Ready?

Zion Kim 30:04

Yeah, well enough, the thing about victimhood is, you don't believe that you have the power, you, in fact, you're powerless. And there's one key to switch out of victimhood at any time, which is just responsibility, right? And because victimhood is taking less than 100% responsibility for where you are in life, and from what you what you can actually do, and what you can actually create, whereas being a creator, instead, being a victim is 100% responsibility of Wow, well, I have actually created my entire reality. Which means if I shift something inside of me, then this will actually shift in my circumstance, or in this particular situation that I see. Right? And then, you know, of course, heroes and rescuers just take more than 100% responsibility and of taking something away from somebody else, and take it on themselves. And just, you know, again, putting that backpack back on. It's, you know, so it's just really realizing, you're playing with your clients. Just wait, wait, no, you have a lot of options here. I think, Oh, wait, you're right. And that's the beautiful thing is when you start to realize, oh, wow, there's actually a lot of things I can do here. It's Yes, you can, then yeah, and then that starts to become the shift of the transfer of power.

Martina Fink 31:19

Yeah. So powerful. What would you say has been the biggest lesson that you have learned in this whole process or on your own journey,

Zion Kim 31:27

in probably how much I have been in my own victimhood, as well. So it's really this balance between not taking enough responsibility for what I've created in my life and wanting to blame others, instead of just looking at Well, how did I create this, right, and then looking at my relationships, and looking at my tendency to want to save people, right, and kind of carry them on my back to do whatever I want to do. But honestly, the biggest thing for me was just not having the uncomfortable conversations because of like, reason. And, you know, I just realized that, because it was so difficult for me to have conversations with other people, that when I found someone that I could be vulnerable around, I ended up putting that person on a pedestal in relationship to me, because I felt that they were doing something or they were a certain way, or they were a certain type of person that could hold that space for me and be and allow me to, that do allow me to be in that conversation. Instead of realizing, wait, no, this is actually a baseline, like, this is actually the baseline for all my relationships. Because if I can't be vulnerable myself, because vulnerability is my decision. It's my own power, it's my own sovereignty, it's, it's how I am choosing to navigate in the world to be on the edge of you know what it is I'm feeling and to be able to share that real time, right to be able to share that real time unformed as it comes up. That's, that's something that allows me to be in my own human experience. And, you know, and I realized, while I was putting this person on a pedestal, when you know, what, me being vulnerable is just the baseline of relationship. And that was such a seismic shift in perspective for me, because then I realized, well, I get to just be whoever I get to be all the time, you know, people can then see, well, that's the way that I'm choosing to navigate.

Martina Fink 33:40

one of the things your ration recently shared with us was the question, what is actually your criteria to be your friend? And like, what are the fundamental basics of the relationships that I want to have? And if you want to have a relationship with me, in whatever way, like, these are the number one or the the foundational criteria that I live my life with?

Zion Kim 34:04

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and that's at the top of the list of, well, if I'm sharing, if I'm sharing vulnerably, then what will I be met in that vulnerability? Or will you continue to wear your armor, and pretend that everything in your world is okay? And if it is, if it is great, but if it's not, then it never gives me an opportunity to be your friend. to really see you to be there with you. It becomes a missed opportunity for such a nourishing moment.

Martina Fink 34:41

Very beautifully said. Now, in my community, we talk about the glow life and I would love to know what your version of a glowing life would look like. Or it looks like

Zion Kim 34:51

you know, when I think about glowing I immediately think about just brilliance and radiates and just shining right? And, you know, my belief is that it starts inside, right? It starts inside. So that it's all these things that we just talked about, right? It's it starts on the inside, so that it really shows on the outside. Right. And when we continue to build this relationship with ourselves and how we view ourselves in the world, and how we're navigating the world, then we get to shop as this lighthouse, right? When I think about the glow life, I think about, you know, my desire my aspiration to be a lighthouse, because, you know, lighthouses don't go looking for the boats, they just stand there. And the boats come to that, you know, so for me, it's just, you know, I think the globe life is Yeah, being being given the work yourself so that you can be an example for other people. And that, to me is leadership, right? And so that you can really just shine brilliantly and just be the fullest expression of who you are in this world. Because that's your that's your birthright as a human being, is just to have all the joy and happiness and fulfillment that you can possibly know more than you could possibly even fathom is even available to you.

Martina Fink 36:08

Yeah, I love this analogy with the lighthouse is so so true and so beautiful, in terms of taking care of yourself, and like really strengthening that relationship with yourself. Do you have some non negotiables that you do every day?

Zion Kim 36:23

Honestly, no, it changes day to day, I mean, the thing that I've been working on the most, because I'm coming from, you know, years of an entrepreneur, I very much subscribed to hustle culture of kids sleep when you're dead, and all this other stuff. So. So the one thing I've been prioritizing more than anything is my sleep. So I used to sleep four to six hours a day. And now that's very much bid on the 72 hour train. So that's definitely been something that I've been working on doing that more times in the week than not, And that, to me is progress. That's why I say it's not a non negotiable, because it's still negotiated. Yeah. And then it's just some type of you know, and I really try to disconnect at the end of my days. And if you now have a hot tub here, and my sauna and a couple other things. So just, like really just take the time to be in that care with myself, and then just spend some time just kind of digesting my thoughts of the day and just kind of getting them down on paper, and just what I'm experiencing what I'm feeling and just to do a brain dump, right? Whatever is in my head, can just be seen, so I can just look at it and read it like, oh, wow, I've been kind of saying the same thing for the last couple of days. Maybe I should look at that. Right. So. So those have been probably honestly the biggest things, for me is just looking at what are the things that are actually coming through me? What are the things that are coming for me, and just spending some time in that reflection?

Martina Fink 37:50

Yeah, and this reflection piece is also often very crucial for good sleep, because otherwise you go to bed and you still have like all the thoughts and you know, spinning in your in your head, but when you can actually take the time to slow down and put them onto a piece of paper. It's so helpful. Zion, what are three things that you are grateful for today?

Zion Kim 38:10

First off, I'm super grateful for this conversation. Because I think that there's been a couple of things I'm still processing just yesterday, they got to just be with again, today's I just really appreciated that I appreciated. And I just am grateful for waking up and and getting this step into my life today. And that is just you know, so fun, right? Just being in the gratitude that I don't know what's coming today. And just being in the excitement of well, it gets really cold here. And finally, yeah, I'm just grateful for my space. Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time just kind of getting things, you know, just to settle into a home. I mean, I've been nomadic for so many years. And this is my first year that I've actually just been in kind of in one in one place. And now it's just been amazing. And you know, like this morning, I made some tea as changing through the tea, and it's just super happy. And I just have all these beautiful things in my home that I've just been looking at, just because it just makes me happy and just brings me joy. So I'd say that, you know, it's a mix of all that stuff.

Martina Fink 39:26

So beautiful. And yeah, having a space where you feel safe and, and grounded is like, I like to say root deep to rise up. And so like that really helps grounding your energy and then you know, expanding it to other people and out into the world. Is there anything else you would like to share with our listeners today?

Zion Kim 39:47

Yeah, I think everything that's been said has been said. So, you know, I think I may have probably be just in summary, right, which is, you know, my desire for everyone that's listening is that they just give themselves the opportunity to really live their own lives and to live their life and not what they think is expected of them. Hmm.

Martina Fink 40:10

Beautiful. And where can people connect with you and follow you?

Zion Kim 40:15

You can find me on Facebook, which is just Zion Kim. And then just kind of follow along on the journey there, or email on that one empty period CEO. That's the number one, Ms. Mary t as in transformation period, CEO. So yeah, that's a that's probably the easiest, easiest places.

Martina Fink 40:35

Beautiful. We'll share all the links in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for coming onto the show today's ion and for sharing your experience and like even your vulnerability on on today's episode as well. And I'm just really, really grateful to have you in my life and so grateful to speak with you.

Zion Kim 40:53

Yeah, likewise, thank you for having me.

Martina Fink 40:55

I am so grateful to be supported by amazing humans, like Zion. And I just want to remind you that your growth is your responsibility and is 100% in your hands. So if there's something you're struggling with, reach out for help. Don't forget to grab your free self care guide for perfectionists which might be the very first step that you're taking. And you can also join us directly in perfectionist rehab, which is a 90 day healing journey out of overwhelm into a fulfilled and glowing life free from perfectionism and high expectations enrollment is currently open and you can find out more on Martina fink.com forward slash rehab. You also find the link in the show notes. It would mean so much to me if you left us a review for this episode. If in any way it has been helpful for you and it's inspiring you to live your very own glowing life. Follow the glow Live podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 135. If there is somebody who needs to hear this episode that you truly care about, please forward it to them. And right now I would love to connect with you on social media you can find me at Martina glows on Instagram and Facebook. Thank you so much for being here today and for caring for yourself so deeply. Because what you do for yourself is going to impact every single soul that you touch. You deserve to feel glowing and confident. Beautiful.

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#134 Avoiding Conflict: How to stop crying behind closed doors with Joanne Daniels

Joanne Daniels is a 32 year old mum of one who has a high pressured job working as Finance Manager for a London based Asset Management company. 

She often reached the point of burn out, putting the demands of her job / needs of others before herself, which was affecting her health and her relationships and she knew something needed to change. She has several perfectionist tendencies, which have served her well in some respects, and not so well in others. 

Due to working remotely, especially in the past year, she was able to dedicate more time to herself and finally prioritised herself. 

Jo recently graduated from Perfectionist Rehab and said: "This course has changed me as a person for the better, and I feel blessed to be able to share my story with others, to hopefully inspire others that they can do this, they can change and take steps towards the glow life, and it is reachable if you put your heart and mind to it."

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

• Migraines, relationship conflict, and snappy behavior

• Why your feelings as a perfectionist matter

• How to make new friends where you can share with no fear of being judged

• How to never again cry behind closed doors

• Why knowing your core values can improve work + your life outside of work

• How to be in tune with yourself

And so much more!

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 134 with Joanne Daniels. Welcome to the glow life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence and learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down, you can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Martina Fink 1:02

Welcome back to the glow life podcast. In today's episode, we are talking to my beautiful client Joanne and Joe has experienced a massive shift and transformation in her own life going from perfectionist and overworking herself and snappy mom to a place where she has just been able to truly be herself and release a lot of the stress that she was experiencing before. And before we dive into all of that stuff. I also wanted to let you know that the program which Joe has actually gone through called perfectionist rehab is open for enrollment until April 18. And we're starting with a new round of perfectionist women who are very high achieving and successful but tend to overwork themselves because there's so much to do and we always want to please everyone at work right. So if this is something that you are interested in, you can find more on Martina Fink comm forward slash rehab and the link is also in the show notes to learn more about the program. And before we get started with today's really beautiful share with Joe, I wanted to share my top glow Tip of the Week with you which is something every perfectionist needs to do it is to do one thing at a time, multitasking is something that keeps you so scattered and overwhelmed mentally, and you feel like you have a 57 tabs open in your mind every day. And I am sure that you have experienced this before. So my challenge for you today. And if you want to extend it to more than today, totally feel free to do that is to just do one thing at a time. And you will most probably catch yourself scrolling through Instagram as you are on a team call or messaging with friends as you are watching something on Netflix. Or maybe you're making your bed while you are brushing your teeth. This is something that still happens to me sometimes, and I need to catch myself too. So I believe that how we do one thing is how we do everything. If you make your bed while you brush your teeth, you most probably multitask in other areas of your life as well. So where can you become aware of your actions today and notice and catch yourself when you are switching in between a million different tasks at the same time and can you just switch it off and do one thing at a time. Once that is finished, you can move on to check your phone and scroll through Instagram, respond to comments and messages and just take one thing at a time today. And now let's get started with Joe Daniels. Joanne is a 32 year old mom of one who has a very high pressure job working as a finance manager for a London based acid manager she often reached the point of burnout, putting the demands of her job and the needs of others before herself, which has affected her health and her relationships and she knew that something needed to change. She has several perfectionist tendencies which have served her well in some respect and not so well in others due to working remotely and especially in the past year, she was able to dedicate more time to herself and finally learned how to prioritize herself. She recently graduated from perfectionist rehab, our signature program and she said this course has changed me as a person for the better and I feel blessed to be able to share my story with others to hopefully inspire others that they can do this. They can change and take steps towards the glow life and it is reachable. If you put your heart and mind to it summing that up your life will not become better if you don't do anything about it. In today's episode we talk about migraines for relationship conflict and snappy behavior with your children why your feelings as a perfectionist matter so much how to make new friends where you can just share with no fear of being judged how to never cry again behind closed doors, why knowing your core values can improve your work and your life outside of work, how to be in tune with yourself and be more of yourself, and so much more. And you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcast slash 134. Welcome, Jo, I am so grateful and so excited to have you on the podcast today.

Joanne Daniels 5:40

Thank you very much for having me.

Martina Fink 5:42

It was such a pleasure to work with you in the past few months and help you kind of shift out of perfectionism and overwhelm and the high pressure and the expectations that you're used to have in the past. And I want to talk about all the things over the course of this episode. But the first thing I would really love to kind of dive in to with you is something that we just discussed before we started recording, which is your hair situation, which is like a perfect scenario for a perfectionist to release the control. So can you tell us what happened?

Joanne Daniels 6:16

Yeah, of course. So obviously, with lockdown and being at home, most of the time, I tend not to worry about makeup or making an effort. But as, as you mentioned to me that this might be seen by others, I thought I should make an effort. So yeah, I was curling my hair getting ready, allowed enough time to get everything done. And then my straightness just started to stop working. And I think something wrong with the cable. So typically, three quarters of my hair was all nicely cold. And then the rest of it, I left the top to last because that's what you do. So at the most bit, the most obvious bit of it was just Yeah, not doing what I wanted to do. But luckily, I managed to sort of hold it in position for it to get a bit hot. And then quickly, like, make do be a complete example of a perfectionist trying to like have perfect code. And it's just yeah, it's doing what it's doing. But at least it looks similar across the whole of my head.

Martina Fink 7:04

Would you have reacted to this differently if this happened six months ago?

Joanne Daniels 7:09

Yeah, definitely. I think I think even the whole idea of doing this podcast, I would have been worrying and fretting about what I would say and how it would come across, like what I would look like. But to be honest, I need like maybe 20 minutes ago, I was like, right, I should start getting ready. And try not to overthink things, because actually, it just makes it puts a lot more stress on myself. And it's just one of those things isn't that I can't do anything about my hair and what it wants to do. So just have to try to make do. But yeah, definitely changed from how I would have been before.

Martina Fink 7:40

Yeah, one of the things we talk about a lot in the perfectionist rehab program is control and releasing the things we cannot control. Like, what else could you have done, you know, when you when your curling iron breaks, it's out of your control, you could run to the store and buy a new one. But that's probably not possible in the time. So you just go with the flow and like kind of get over it as good as you can find a solution in that moment. So I would love for you to give us a little bit of a picture of what your life looks like six months ago, and kind of the struggles you were experiencing on a daily basis with your very high demanding job and, you know, being a mother at the same time as well.

Joanne Daniels 8:20

Yeah, I think I'm exactly as you mentioned, if it was very difficult for me, and I think I've got perfectionist tendencies, and I think some of them have worked well for me in the past and, and do still in some ways, because I think the reason I've got the job I've got is because I'm quite driven and quite motivated. And I think that comes from that sort of perfectionism. Like I want the next thing I want to do better, I want to do better. But I found that I got myself into a point where I was trying to apply this perfectionism status to everything. And it just wasn't, it's not sustainable. You'll never like regardless, you can read a million books, but you're never going to be the perfect mom, because you've got an independent child who is partly reflection of you, which is also very annoying, because she like does things and I'm like she's learned that from me. But you know, I mean across the board, like you're not in control of everything in your life. There's other external factors. And I think I just got to the point where I would push myself so hard that I'd end up burning out to the military. I'd like to have migraines I end up being off sick from work because I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion, but working evenings like especially being at home, having a lot more time with with Rosalie which is great, but like working remotely, but then I'd like literally log off straight into the other room playing with her doing bath time doing dinner, having dinner logging back in, like you just at least when I had the commute there was a bit of like a half an hour or so sitting on a train while I was like able to like process what was going on in my head. And yeah, it just got to the point where it was affecting me my health, like how I was behaving with Rosalie I was getting really snappy Have and then failing to get like, you know, Mum guilt that I was being snappy with her. And it was through no fault of her own, it was just that I was just exhausted, I was being a person that I didn't want to be.

Martina Fink 10:10

Yeah, it's funny how it affects, I mean, it's not even funny, it's just natural that it affects the closest relationships that we have. And often, we feel like we can express our frustration, and our anger and our exhaustion with those people. But really, actually, those are the people that deserve the best of us, because we love them so much, right. And so it's kind of like a paradox situation where the goal is to be the best version of you for the people you love, and not get your anger out on them or the frustration out on them. You talk a little bit about your daughter and how it affected that has it also impacted their relationships and your marriage?

Joanne Daniels 10:54

Yeah, definitely, I think I'm a lot more confident in myself now. And me and my husband, neither of us really like confrontation or conflict. So there'll be something really small that one will do to and it'll annoy the other one or whatever. And rather than actually sort of dealing with it in the moment, and it not becoming a big thing, we would just let it fester. Because neither of us wanted to upset the other one or whatever else. But I've noticed that where I'm a lot more confident in myself and sort of my opinions and even being honest about how I feel, it makes things so much easier. And I think our relationship has definitely got a lot stronger since like it like more recently. And I think it's partly because I'm on it on myself more I make time for self care, I make time to do the things I like to do. We've got quite a good balance now, like an evening to go and do his thing. And I can have a bit of time to do my thing be that listen to webinars, their pedicure, like whatever it is. So yeah, I definitely feel that with as a as a whole family unit. To be honest, I feel like we're much stronger.

Martina Fink 11:57

That's so beautiful. One of the things you mentioned is emotions. And I know that's where you really made the biggest quantum leap over the past few months of shifting completely into, like you said, the person you are the woman that you are today and just being yourself. And I feel like we talked about, you know, just be yourself. And it sounds so easy, but it's actually so challenging at times to even find out who am I when I am being myself? So can you share a little bit about how you felt emotionally a couple months ago, like six months ago, one year ago, like what was going on with your emotions, if anything?

Joanne Daniels 12:36

Yeah, so I think I had a way with dealing with my emotions at the time. And so um, and obviously, like, for context, I lost both my parents when I was well like around 2025. And I really struggled with that. And I think going through the program and just being more in tune with myself and sort of looking back at my beliefs and where they've come from, well, you kind of highlighted it to me that the way I was dealing with my emotions wasn't necessarily actually dealing with them. So if I, something would trigger me, whatever it might be, there would then be a downward spiral. Sometimes if I couldn't sort of snap myself out of it. And then it would lead to sort of like missing my mum and dad, and just feeling really, really low. And if I got to a certain point, my only way out was to like have a sleep. And I wouldn't want to spend time with my family, like even on Boxing Day was a good example when this happened. And obviously, we were still quite early into the program at that point. And I just, I think because I lost my mom around Christmas, so it was quite like it's quite a sense, you know, like sensitive time anyway. And yeah, Jordan took Rosalie out and I was like I just need to go might be by myself. And I just went as soon as I shut the door to them, just tears and tears and tears. And then I went and slept for a couple of hours. And then I felt better. And that was sort of my way to cope. But I think it was me sort of shutting down the thought pattern by sleeping and resetting my brain is kind of how I used to refer to it. But actually, that doesn't help me in the long term. It doesn't mean I'm dealing with it or sort of going through those emotions and like realizing them and letting them fly. And so I think that was the biggest thing. And it was obviously challenging, like talking to yourself, and then the other ladies on the program in terms of like what I went through. And we obviously went through a lot and quite a lot of detail. But even from that session that we had, when we were kind of talking about our, like all our past life experiences, I felt so much better for just talking and not being judged and being able to cry. And I think I even made him one of the other ladies cry as well. And I felt a bit bad about that. But I think that's fine. So yeah, I think that's how I would have reacted. It would have been sort of very much to shut down the scenario if it was too much for me to cope with. But now I've had. I've had examples more recently where I've reacted differently. My husband and I were like Listening to a, like a live event that a local pub was doing and somewhat and then they put a song on. And it was a song that just reminded me of my dad. And I just literally ran run to the bar for him to the first few nights that the song happened to start coming. I was like, nope, nope, nope, can't cope with this. And then I like just went into the bathroom. And I was like, hang on a minute, I can't, I can't run away. Because I don't want to every time I think of them, I don't want to be sad, I want to have so many happy memories, that I want to just think of all of that. So I kind of gave myself a quick talking to and I was like, You know what, what's the worst that can happen? It's okay to cry. So then I went back in like Jordan a turn the volume down, because I just don't run out the room. And yeah, I've kind of listened to the rest of the song. And it might sound like a silly little thing. But for me, that was a massive achievement to just be able to face the light to face that emotion. And even thinking about it makes me be a bit like, Oh, it's nice, because they, I wouldn't feel so emotional about it if they didn't mean so much to me. So it's actually coming from a lovely place that I'm having these emotions, they just kind of like pushing through pushing through them, accepting them, and then getting to a place where I'll hear that song. And I'm like, Oh, actually, you know what that was really nice times that I had with them. rather than sort of just focusing on the side and the loss,

Martina Fink 16:13

There's so much I want to say about this. And I also just got full body goosebumps when you were talking about the situation. And I remember you sharing that with the group as well. One of the things I also experienced in my life really, until recently to was the same thing of going to bed and sleeping in order to avoid facing the challenges. And I always told myself, you know, if I go to sleep, I will feel better afterwards, which is often the truth, like we usually do feel better, and we get some space and some rest. And you know, you wake up a little refreshed, but you're not really facing the actual problem. So what happens is you just avoid the emotions at all. And they're still there. And you just kind of wrap them up in a package, but you're carrying the package around with you until the next thing comes up right for you that song with your parents, for example. Or that reminded you of your parents. So another thing that you mentioned is that you close the door, and then you can cry, right? It's it's like, you used to have this shame for allowing yourself to cry. And I feel like that's something so many women struggle with, whether it's at the workplace, or it's in their families or with their loved ones or their partner, where we still believe that crying is something shameful, and that we shouldn't do that. And that is something where that we believe is a bad thing, or it just also reflects weakness. And that's how we grew up, you know, like Big Girls don't cry, and it's all going to be good. Don't worry, like, while this is true, all everything is gonna be good. In that moment, what we just want it was to be loved and to be held. And that's also what we crave. Now, when we want to cry is we just want to be held, and we want someone to understand that we are you know, safe and that it's all good. But in that process, it's so important to let things flow because crying is a way of processing and releasing. So like literally as you cry, you release the pain through your tears out of your body and out of your energy system. So I'm really, really proud of you for allowing yourself for catching yourself in that moment when you were in the bathroom and going back in. And another thing that I think is really important when it comes to past loved ones and specifically parents is that they don't want us to suffer, your parents don't want you to like you said they want you to be happy in situations like these are almost also signs from spirit or from their spirits in their souls that they are here with you and that they think of you. And that's so beautiful that you've been able to shift that energy around your parents and the memories you have with them that you can now focus on the good things and the experiences you had.

Joanne Daniels 19:00

Yeah, and I agree. And I think another thing as well as, as you mentioned is sort of like that feeling that you shouldn't cry in front of others or it's like a bad thing. Like that's something else I've noticed, like I'm much more aware of how important it is to be in tune with your emotions. And I've even kind of tried to drill that into Rosalie a little bit as well. So there was over Easter, we were I know for Mother's Day. We were supposed to pop in and see Jordan's mom and just drop her off at present but she's not been feeling very well. She's had like she's had a bit of a chest infection and she was crying as we left her she obviously wanted to see Rosalie and we were kind of all distance from her and everything else and she was really upset and I could tell that Rosa Lee didn't really know how to deal with the situation because grandma was crying. So when we got in the car I said to her I was like it's okay if you're sad like grandma's sad because she wants to spend time with you and and she's just not feeling very well at the moment and that's why she was crying and I either you can see when I I think I'm quite an I can just sort of, you know, when someone need to cry, like you can see, it's bad, but they're just not letting it out. And I could tell she was doing it. And I said to her, I was like, it's okay to cry. And then she had a cry as well afterwards, because she was just sad that she couldn't see her grandma. And I was I don't want her to feel that she has to hide like, emotion, because everyone has those emotions, obviously, like people express their emotions in different ways. But yeah, I think it is definitely something that not that I was ever brought up in a way that I shouldn't or couldn't express myself. But I don't want her to grow up in a way where she doesn't feel that she can be who she is, you know, and feel what she needs to feel in the moment.

Martina Fink 20:39

That's so important, because that's how we grew up thinking it's not safe to cry. And now we can pass this on to future generation. And that's how they are going to be dealing with conflict and you know, challenges and sadness, and which is really neat, this revolution of women teaching their their girls and boys, you know that it's safe to, it's safe to cry, and that it's normal to have emotions. And the more we can allow ourselves to feel these feelings, the less pressure we actually have. Because this also goes into work, you know, where you're, maybe you're struggling with something at work, and you're not really allowing yourself to feel it, you're just getting frustrated or angry and you avoid feeling those feelings. So you just go to work, even more frustrated the last The next day, and it just accumulates all of that until one day, you know, it explodes or leaves you with a burnout like situation.

Joanne Daniels 21:36

Yeah, exactly.

Martina Fink 21:37

And how would you say this whole experience of becoming yourself more and allowing yourself to feel more how has that impacted your career?

Joanne Daniels 21:48

It's really positive. Again, to be honest, I think when I first started the program, I said, as you mentioned, I've got quite like a high pressure job. And I am happy with my role and everything else. But one of the things that we talked about as well was sort of like law of attraction, and sort of doing like a vision board and sort of thinking about what you want. So I spend a bit of time actually thinking about what my values are my core values, because I've not really sat down and thought about that, and kind of came up with some sort of like, home or like, you know, personal things that are like, not objective, but goals that tie in with my values. And then also from a work perspective, too. And one of the things that came up for me, and that is important from like a more sort of like career work perspective is sort of like sort of progression, basically, you know, sort of always wanting to learn, like gain more knowledge. And the other thing that came up was sort of helping others. And within my my job, I work as a finance manager, and like an asset management company. So it's all very messy, a lot of accounts and things. So it's not really something that I can apply to helping others in my role. So then I kind of thought about what else could I do outside of that, that could align with that core value. So I said, Rosalie's at nursery just around the corner from us. She started there last year, and I actually joined the committee for the nursery. So I've been able to attend committee meetings and sort of add a bit of value from like my knowledge, like my finance side in terms of knowledge and just sort of being able to present ideas come up with fundraising ideas, those sorts of things. And it's probably not something that I would have even thought about if I hadn't been thinking, what are my values? Like, where do I want to go? So I think that's been a really big one for me, and then also, from a lot more in my role. And again, I think it kind of links back to this whole, speaking up for yourself and law of attraction and things. So I we got a new CFO, and he joined the company in November. And we he'd asked everyone to have one to ones with him so we could get to know the team. And when I had to catch up with him, he was asking me about my progression and sort of what I wanted. And I was quite honest about it. And I said, Yeah, I'd love to be sort of like a CFO one day. And I said to the senior managers, I'm like I can, I can be in my role and do a great job. But they have to help me get opportunities because they know the opportunities there that they have to think of me when they're sort of like making a plan or whatever else. So then there's a big project I worked on in over December time that I've specifically got hand picked for. I don't know how much of that was because I'd said like, please think of me in these sorts of situations. And but that was really good for my profile. And then yeah, in January, I actually got offered a temporary promotion to cover someone who's on maternity leave. And it's completely out of my comfort zone, because it's a different area of finance and what I do now, so the old me probably wouldn't leave them wanting to do it because I'd have been like, No, no, no, this is too much like I don't know what I'm doing. And you know, that whole idea of like, it's like a stereotype that lies for females, they have to know 100% of the job spec before they go for that job. I'm literally going into a role where I don't know a lot of the content, but because of my transferable skills they want Like my sort of senior management, they want me in that role they've asked me, and I'm kind of believing in all their belief in me if you see what I mean, it's kind of what's pushing me along. So that's been really good as well. And then yeah, and also, I've been asked to be part of the new diversity and inclusion committee that my company running. And again, last year, I shared a bit of an interest I attended, attended a couple of sessions that our CEO did. And yeah, next thing I know, I've been asked to be part of the committee. So when, yeah, I didn't, it's like the stars are aligning in a way, you know, just sort of, and I do think it's part of the energy I'm putting out there. It's sort of coming back. So yeah, from a career perspective, great, really. So I couldn't have asked for more like things that, like this time, six months ago, would never have thought would even be on the cards for me.

Martina Fink 25:47

Yeah, congratulations, that is so much, even in just three months, you know, achievements in your personal and business life. And that's really what happens because everything is energy, and the energy you send out, it's going to come back to you. But if the energy that you send out is just frustration and overwhelm, and stress, well, guess what you're going to get back, you know, in return, but when you actually take that time to get to know yourself better, and understand, like you said, what your values are, and I know for you, it's really important to help others and to serve. And that's why you're supported. You're supporting the nursery now, like just knowing that at the core, this is who Joe is. And now how can I become more of her in my everyday life? So it's not just a I'm the best version of me when I go on vacation, but I'm actually constantly living this version of me that I truly want to be.

Joanne Daniels 26:43

Yeah, exactly. And I think the thing is, as well, like we've spoken about before, it's not always, you don't always feel on top of the world every single day. But there are things that come along, and you do you do stop and think like, this is great. And I think align the more I do, I feel like I'm on like in like a bit of a snowball, you know, and it's just going to keep going. But now that I've started, like thinking about this and thinking about what's important to me, and what do I want to spend my time doing, what do I enjoy, it just seems like things are just coming up. And there's more and more that I can do in that space. And particularly with the like diversity and inclusion piece like it's obviously like globally, it's a massive thing. It always has been, but it's more in the forefront of people's minds. So I feel that that's something where I can actually really make a difference. So yeah, yeah, it's all been really positive for me.

Martina Fink 27:30

so beautiful. One of the things that you mentioned earlier was the aspect of the community and being part of a group with other women, how has that affected you and support you over the three months in the program?

Joanne Daniels 27:42

Well it was really nice to obviously get to know the other ladies, personally, I think it's been, it's great that you Well, one is that you have someone else you're accountable for or accountable to. So it kind of does. Make sure that you you prioritize yourself. And I think we all struggled with it at points throughout the program, like other things come up. And I think one of the reasons that we are perfectionist, one of those tendencies is that everyone else and everything else comes before yourself. So I think having that accountability buddy really helped sort of push us along to again, shift that mindset from, oh, I do really want to do this, it's really important for me, but Rosalie needs me or Alba work need me to do something or whatever else is quite easy to make excuses and put yourself on a back burner. And so I think it was really good to have it have the other ladies in the group from an accountability perspective. But also, I think, just to just to all feel vulnerable together. You know, I think because everyone's in the same boat, everyone has gone through their own life challenges. And they've been impacted in different ways. And they've got whatever that path they've been on has got them to being part of the perfectionist rehab course, it's really comforting to know, and really nice to know, like everyone's in that same position. And everyone wants to make themselves better. And everyone's gone through whatever it is they've gone through. And everyone was very open in terms of talking about those things. And it's not only like the high points and in those things, but it's also the lows. And I think feeling safe with a group of women that you don't realize I've never met any of you like in person. It's all been virtual, obviously. I just felt Yeah, I was in a safe space. And I think that made the program so much better for me and I got so much more out of it because of that.

Martina Fink 29:29

Yeah, and I truly believe that we don't talk about our struggles enough and share those painful moments with others. Because we feel shameful about certain things that happened in the past. And you know, we just hid under the covers and cried for ourselves instead of sharing them but once we start to open up to people that are going through or have gone through their own challenges, we feel like we belong because we notice we're not the only ones that have had difficult situations and challenges in our lives. So yeah, that's what like one of the biggest things I love in all my programs and retreats is just being able to connect women that are on a similar level and similar journey because I experienced that myself, like I'm best friends with some of the people that I've never met in person, and that I talked to every week now, because we're in the same program. And we have like, we understand each other so well, because we are going through similar challenges. So yeah, and the accountability piece, of course, is massive for perfectionist, because it's so easy to give up on your plans and not follow through and get overwhelmed, and then procrastinate and not do anything. So I'm really, really glad that this has supported you.

Joanne Daniels 30:45

Yeah, definitely.

Martina Fink 30:46

How would you describe your glowing life?

Joanne Daniels 30:50

I'd say I'm still a work in progress. I don't think I'm there yet. But I think I'm definitely on the right path. And for me, it's about living in the moment more. That's one of the key things, I think it's very easy to always be thinking about the next 10 things you need to do or thinking about, oh, yeah, when when I achieve this, then I'll be happier when I'll achieve that I'll be happy or let me have this house. So you know, it's all very sort of like in the future. But I think as well, like one of the things obviously I've I've learned a lot through what's happened in my life is that you're not around forever, you know, and sometimes the time that you have on yourself can be quite short. So you shouldn't always be trying to live for the future. And you need to enjoy now. So I think that's one of the big things, and for me as well is like getting that work life balance right and, and aligning with my values like now that I figured out like one of the other things that came up on the program was my connection with my family, like my wider family. And I thought that a lot of the stuff I tried to do was because I was trying to sort of like, continuing my mom's legacy, because my mom was the one that would organize events and do things. But then as we discussed it more and I thought about it, I was like Actually, no, I actually really love doing those things. I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it because I personally get a lot out of it as well. So I think it's just obviously current situation is not that easy. But it definitely makes me sort of prioritize spending time like even on zoom or WhatsApp calls, like with my family just to catch up and check in with them. And yeah, just having a bit of balance of sort of, what are the things I like to do for me, making sure that I have time for those looking after my body, looking after my health, having that quality time with my family and just being happy. And just when you have that moment of like just laughing or whatever it is just stop and just feel it rather than just moving on to the next thing, which is something that I think I always used to do. Because I was never in the moment in the first place. I was always like, my head was somewhere else thinking about our What are we going to have for dinner later? Or what are we going to do tomorrow or whatever it is, they I think it's just having that having that balance, enjoying life basically, and aligning more with my values as well.

Martina Fink 33:00

Beautiful reminder to really just remain present, which is definitely a very common struggle among perfectionist we're either worrying about the future or regretting things in the past that we do did or didn't do. And we can all use a bit more, you know, presence in our lives for sure. Now, you talked a lot about like doing things for you, what are some of the non negotiable self care things that you do now?

Joanne Daniels 33:26

So one of the big things for me at the moment is my exercise. So I will get up early in the morning and do some sort of exercise. And I feel I feel so much better on the days when I do something than the days that I don't. And I also feel like it's my time. So I get up before Rosalie and Jordan are awake. So it doesn't sort of impact on any time with them. And it is time for me to be in my zone and do what I want to do. That's like the key non negotiable. And I think the other thing is my skincare routine, I probably could be better with it. But I do like to do my sort of like cleanse time moisturize like morning and night. And I will try and do face masks. And again, I don't think I've got my routine 100% as I want it yet, but again, I know I feel I feel so much better in myself if I do make the time and do my nails as well. I do try to do those too.

Martina Fink 34:20

So beautiful. Yeah, and we can always do better. Like let's be honest in everything, we could always do better, but it's all about starting the process and can and sticking to it consistently that is going to make the difference and certain things that I'm doing now for myself or have become so natural, like brushing brushing my teeth in the morning and I don't even think about it anymore, you know and you will get to that point where your skincare just becomes normal and you doing face masks regularly just becomes normal. You don't even think about it as like, oh I should do something because it's just who you are. So you're on a on an amazing path to taking better care of yourself and just be present with it and enjoy what you're doing now. And then take the next step whenever you feel like okay, now I can add one more thing because what we sometimes think is like, we have to do all the things right like Manny, Petey have the perfect terror workout, meditate all these things together and and then you want to start it and you you stop after two days because it's this whole mountain of things that you want to do. Instead, just start with one thing and then take it one step at a time, like baby steps. Now before we wrap up, I have a couple of quick questions for you.

Joanne Daniels 35:37

Okay.

Martina Fink 35:38

If you if there was one thing that you could take with you to go on a desert island, what would it be?

Joanne Daniels 35:46

Assuming I have all the necessities I need? It probably just be like a good book. I think something that I can just sort of like, drift away to.

Martina Fink 35:54

Love it, in a hammock?

Joanne Daniels 35:56

Yeah, that'd be good. I was like my sunglasses. I would need those as well. But I was like, should I say Rosalie? And then I will probably be more relaxing if she wasn't there.

Martina Fink 36:07

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I in an ideal world, you'll be able to take a lot more with you. Do you do smoothies to drink?

Joanne Daniels 36:17

Yes.

Martina Fink 36:17

What is your favorite smoothie at the moment?

Joanne Daniels 36:21

So I have a style spinach, mango and ginger. And movie, and I have it with coconut water in the morning?

Martina Fink 36:32

Yeah, very tropical and nice.

Joanne Daniels 36:34

Yeah, it's a fight like, obviously green. So when I first tried it out a bit, I'm not sure about this one. But yeah, it's really nice and really feeling as well, I think when I first switched out, because before I was having like, a milk based one. And I think it was just too heavy for me in the mornings. And but yeah, when I switched over, like the first few days, I was like, I feel a bit hungry. But then after that your body just gets used to it. And I think on the days I don't have it like at weekends, I might not have it. But I can tell the difference in my energy levels and just how now I start the day.

Martina Fink 37:04

Mmmm, powerful, love that. I will have to try the mango, mango with greens wines. So good. What are three things that you are grateful for today, Joe?

Joanne Daniels 37:15

The fact that the sun is shining today, the fact I'm not working today. And and being able to do this, you know, like, I think just my mindset? Yeah, it's a massive change I could have all morning I could have been procrastinating about this and stressing, but I've just been fine. And yeah, honestly, I've never thought that I could get to a place like this, I could feel so different.

Martina Fink 37:38

You know, it's so funny. I was emailing with someone earlier this week around perfectionism and the stress and overwhelm that she was experiencing. And, and I asked her like, are you? Are you interested in actually resolving this? And you know, getting out on the other side? And she responded, saying like, Yes, I am totally interested, if that's even possible. And I'm like, of course it's possible. Of course, it's possible. And like you're one of the best examples of this. Do you have some final advice if anybody is considering, you know, joining Perfectionist Rehab, or just taking a first step towards releasing that perfectionist side of them and, and really shift out into a slower, more confident, glowing life, how I call it? What would you say to them?

Joanne Daniels 38:29

I think if you're considering it, definitely go for it. I think like maybe the person you were talking about earlier that I was the same. I think the reason why attitude was that I don't even know if I can get myself out of this is because I tried so many things on my own. And again, it comes down to being a perfectionist like you know that you don't want to be the way you are for whatever reason. You try this, you try that you try something else, and you don't get the results. And I think it can be quite disheartening. But I'd say go there. 100% Go for it. And like I say, I've I've tried other things that haven't worked out for me. And this is a change that is gradual. It doesn't happen sort of overnight, but it's incremental. And yeah, definitely the best thing that I've done, I prioritize myself, which isn't something that I do often. And it's paid off for me and for my family like I'm a better person generally. And I'm more myself because I've attended the course. So anyone who is sort of like on the shelf about it, believe in yourself believe in what like Martina can provide like believing the change you can make for yourself.

Martina Fink 39:33

Yeah, like believe in the possibility there that there is another life available to you. And I love that you mentioned the incremental change. I remember a situation where that you shared where you were going for a walk and you certainly felt different about it.

Joanne Daniels 39:50

Yeah, yeah. So we do pretty much the same dog walk most weekends. And yeah, I don't know. I just we went did exactly the same thing. The sun was out. So maybe that helped a little bit. But I just, it just felt different. I just felt different, even though it's exactly the same. And I even said, Jordan was like, do you feel like there's different today? And he was like, No, I don't know what you mean. And so obviously, it's something in me like the way that I'm taking in the surroundings, or just the way that I am. I'm just Yeah, like gradually changing for the better, more appreciative of life of like, what's going on around me being with my family being more present, basically,

Martina Fink 40:29

yeah. Which is interesting, because we always think in order to change, we need to have these big massive changes and quit the job and find something new and leave the relationship or have a relationship, whatever it is, but really, those changes are so tiny and so small, but so meaningful, because it affects the relationships and your health and everything directly. So I love that you share this experience with us. Thank you so much, Jo, for spending this time with me and for sharing your experience. I know so many women are going through the exact same thing that you went through earlier, you know, last year and stuff. And so I think it's just very inspiring to see what's truly possible without quitting your job and without, you know, turning your life upside down. But really just making those small, incremental changes in your own life and your own habits to to do that for you so that you can have a calm and peaceful mind and not feel overwhelmed all of the time.

Joanne Daniels 41:28

Yeah, I think just one more thing I'd like to add, if that's okay, that, I think sometimes, and I was a bit overwhelmed when I first signed up to the course, because I was like, how much work is it going to be? How much time is it going to take for these things they don't pay time. So obviously, we have our homework that we need to do. But we'll have conversation as part of one of our sessions. And they'll be something that I just take away from that. And it's in my subconscious, I'm not even consciously being like, I need to remember this thing. And then something will come up. And I'm like, and the dots just connect. So for anyone out there who's interested, like, please don't feel that you're adding another, like massive task onto your plate where you already feel overwhelmed. Like, that's not how it works. It's just, it's just simple little things. Sometimes a new brain starts connecting those dots and new, you think things slightly differently. And yeah, that's where it all starts. And but even those small things can make a big impact. And that you say, it's like the ripple effect, isn't it like a little change, but then it can have a massive impact in terms of like how the rest of your day goes, like just your approach on things. And yeah, don't feel overwhelmed by partaking in the course. Because it's not you don't have to spend loads of time, constantly thinking about it to be able to make the changes, they do just happen. And over time.

Martina Fink 42:44

Yeah. And it's also lasting change that you're creating, really with this. So like, imagine how much you'd be willing to pay to get rid of all the stress forever, you know? Like, how much is that actually worth? Is it worth three months of investing in yourself and taking some time here and there to actually sit down and do some homework like 100% 100% worth it? Thank you so much. It's been so great to speak with you. I really appreciate your time and your willingness to open up and just I also love seeing you glow and you sharing everything with your the people in your life to

Joanne Daniels 43:21

Yeah, thank you very much for having me. And yeah, again, being able to help others. So even if one person listens to this and sort of gets a little bit of input inspiration from it. That's why I wanted to do it. Even though I don't like doing this sort of thing. It's out of my comfort zone. I was like No, do you know what for the greater good and for what I want to try and achieve? Like, let me see if I can help someone. So yeah, thank you very much for having me.

Martina Fink 43:42

I cannot put into words how grateful I am for the kind of women that come to me for support with perfectionism. And being able to be on this journey with Joe and support her in this process has meant so much for me and just to see how her glow has come to live and how she's been able to ripple that out to her immediate family and her work. And her career in so many different ways is just so beautiful to see if any of the things that Joe mentioned today resonate with you and you're like, this is exactly what I'm going through. And this is exactly what I'm struggling with overwhelm control stress, low self worth, not feeling confident, a lot of negative self talk and perfectionism that stopping you please take a courageous step forward and do something about it. I have a free self care guide for perfectionists that you can download or you can join us directly in perfectionist rehab, which is a 90 day healing journey out of overwhelm into a fulfilled and glowing life where you take care of yourself first without feeling guilty and without compromising results. You can find more about perfectionist rehab on Martina fink.com forward slash rehab it wouldn't mean so much to me if you left us a review on iTunes if you enjoyed this episode and if it has been helpful for you to live a more glowing life follow the glow life podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at Martina Fink comm slash podcasts slash 134. If anyone in your life is going through similar challenges that Joe has gone through in her life in the past year alone, please forward this episode to them right now. Thank you so much for being here today and for caring for yourself so deeply because what you do for yourself is going to impact every single soul that you touch would love to connect with you on social media. You can find me at Martina glows on Instagram and Facebook and I just want you to know that you deserve to feel glowing and confident, beautiful.

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#133 Downward Spiral: How to Quickly Snap Out of It

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen that I had a really bad day last week! Many things went unplanned and unexpected and got me on a whole downward spiral that wanted me to throw everything out the window!

Over the years of practicing meditation, conscious self-care, journaling, and other techniques, I have learned how to best handle situations like these - without just packing my bags and leaving the war zone! I'm sharing all about that in this episode.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

• How to overcome big life challenges - the glow way

• How to quickly snap out of a downward spiral and get back into glow state

• Why avoiding your feelings can hurt you even more

• How to use life-transforming skills for conflict management

And so much more!

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Sign up for the free 3-day stop the stress challenge
Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 133. Welcome to the Glow Life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence, and learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down, you can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up, and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Martina Fink 1:00

Welcome back to the Glow Life podcast. And today I want to share with you one of the biggest struggles that I have had in the past year, I would say and something happened last week that came up that really threw me off and completely out of control, I was crying in the session with my coach, I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't know what to do. It was something that was affecting my business. And I instantly downward spiraled into a situation where I already saw myself throwing my entire business out the window, give up on the glow life. And all I wanted to do was to pack my bags, get on a plane and go a far away from this situation. And in that moment, I realized that it is definitely something that I used to do in the past in terms of avoiding the feelings, avoiding the challenging emotions, avoiding the conflict, avoiding the fact that I was not in control. Not that I would pack my bags and leave, but I would hide under the covers, I would not address the issue and get away from it as quickly as I could so I didn't have to deal with it. And now, last week, I remembered that that is not a solution. That is not the way to go. Because when we do avoid these challenges, what happens is that energetically and emotionally, they are still stuck in our energetic bodies. So we carry them around with us, until one day we sit down and actually face down. So what I did last week was to sit with it, to feel all of it, feel the pain, feel the frustration, feel the loss of control, and I cried over it, I cried myself to sleep called my girlfriend's, cried to them on the phone. And I proactively asked for help. And that is another thing that I never did in the past, I always thought I needed to figure everything out on my own, that I needed to be a strong woman that has it all together. And that meant that I don't have problems and I don't struggle. And I don't have challenges, right? Reaching out to people that you know love you and care about you, and even mentors, or coaches or therapists, is actually a strength. Because everyone that I reached out to was offering their support and their help. And since I used to not do that in the past, since I used to try to figure it all out by myself, aka ignoring it completely, it still feels very uncomfortable for me to receive all the support and the love. It still feels like if I, when I received something from someone, I need to give them back, like I owe them something, right? But we don't really. It is safe for us to ask for help, it's safe for us to receive it. And that is the kind of reality that you get to create for yourself. Nobody can ask for help for you. Nobody knows if there is a struggle in your life but you, and if you don't acknowledge it, then nothing will change and nothing will get better. So the first step is acknowledging that there is something that is out of alignment, that's not working, that is painful, that is, you know, difficult and challenging. The next step is to ask for help, because not everybody can read our minds. And those who can ask us if there's anything going on, we usually don't want to admit it, right? There is something I want to talk about now that I call the bounce back time. The bounce back time is the time from when you experience a challenge to the moment you feel good again. And in the past, it used to take me several days to get over something that was really irritating and painful. Maybe like a challenge at work where I had conflict with a client, or with my boss, or, you know, some difficult situation with some other person that would completely throw me off. And I could be angry and resentful and mad and frustrated and, and even like self loathing for days. And now, it usually takes me a couple of hours to get over things, sometimes less, sometimes more. Sometimes I just need a really good sleep over. And the next day, it feels fresh again, although sleeping over certain things can also be a form of avoiding the thing, the challenge and the emotion. But most of the times, it's really just giving the issues some space and letting the anger kind of come down, right? And all of this, through certain practices that I have done in my life in the past few years really, which include meditation, journaling, mindfulness, allowing my emotions to be there, feeling them and all of these kinds of things. And you know, coaching myself, I have been able to reduce this time, I have been able to reduce this bounce back time from several days to a couple of hours. And this is not about avoiding or ignoring your emotions at all. It doesn't mean, the shorter the better. It doesn't mean you need to force yourself to get over something. Not at all, it means that we acknowledge what's there. We own them, we own our own responsibility in them too. Because any situation we create in life really is also something that we co created. So take radical responsibility for what happened, allowing yourself to feel the feelings that need to be felt, and then take a conscious decision to move forward. We really need to feel the pain. But one of my mentors once told me that emotions last 90 seconds, just like babies and dogs, you can distract them. And after 90 seconds, they stop crying and stop locking and things like that. We too can consciously shift out of certain emotions. And again, it's not about avoiding them. It's about being mindful of what is happening. And how is it serving us. Sometimes it serves us to cry for days. Sometimes it doesn't. So loving yourself means being aware of what's going on. And practicing self awareness, practicing meditation, practice in journaling, practicing talking to people about it, practicing asking for help. And that will help you get that bounce back time down. So that any future challenges that you will face, which you will, you will be able to handle them more in a more glowing way. Let's just say that. And maybe you have experienced situations where life throws you curveballs and maybe it's something that happens very regularly for you and gets you into a loop of stress and frustration and anger. I want to remind you that you get to learn certain skills to manage and navigate these challenges. These are not things that we are born with. We're not born with knowing how to deal with overwhelm and knowing how to reduce stress and how to acknowledge our emotions. But those are things that you actually can learn - how to effectively manage stress, how to connect with your heart and tune into your emotions, how to get yourself onto a path of moving forward again, like there are so many different skills and practices that you can implement in like five minutes of your day that are going to change your life.

Martina Fink 9:45

If this is something that you would love to learn and love to become better at, then I am doing a three day Stop the Stress challenge which is starting on April 12. It's April 12 to 14th and it is 100% free and you can find the link in the show notes or it's also in my Instagram bio @martinaglows, too. During the three days we're going to talk about ways to improve your energy, or find out why your energy is feeling depleted or overwhelmed and stressed. We're also talking about how to handle stress and anger and frustration and allow yourself to feel all those feelings in the way that it feels supportive for you. And we're also talking about the stories that you're telling yourself and the expectations that you have of yourself as a perfectionist, as a leader in your job. What needs to shift and change so that the thoughts that you have and the beliefs that you have about yourself are actually moving you forward and are supportive for you.

Martina Fink 10:56

If you are ready to dive even deeper, we are opening enrollment for Perfectionist Rehab around mid April. This is a three months coaching container for an intimate group of women that really want to tackle perfectionism and get to a space where their bounce back time is a lot shorter, and they really know how to organize their lives better, have better priorities, put themselves first fill their own cup first so that they can get into or create a lifestyle or no work life balance that feels just really good. Doesn't mean you have to quit your job. It just means you approach the stress and overwhelm in a very different way. You can find more info about this program on my website martinafink.com/rehab and the link is also in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here today and for really caring for yourself so deeply and I want to remind you that all the work that you do for yourself is also impacting every single soul that you touch. Being able to manage stress, being able to be at peace with yourself, is directly impacting the people that you see and love every single day. If you love this episode, it would make me so happy for you left me a review for it and for anything that we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at martinafink.com/podcast/133. If there is anyone that you love that needs to hear this episode because they're struggling with something similar, please forward it to them right now. Follow the Glow Life podcast on iTunes and Spotify and I would love to connect with you on social media you can find me at @martinaglows. You deserve to feel glowing and confident, beautiful.

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#132 Setting Priorities as an Overwhelmed Perfectionist with Dr. Daniella González-Toro

If you're someone who tends to stay up late working from home - sometimes even until 2am - this episode is a MUST LISTEN for you! Daniella González-Toro, who I had the pleasure to work with over the past few months to help her overcome perfectionism was in your shoes until just a few months ago and has found ways to not only work less, but also be more productive and efficient, since her workload hasn't changed - only her mindset.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:

• How she went from working until 2am to putting her laptop aside at 6.30pm

• Why your sleep is a top indicator for your stress levels + what to do about it

• How to set better priorities and know you should be your no. 1 priority

• Why you should be at the top of your priority list

• Having more time for hobbies like dancing or your dog

• How to say more NO to others, so you can say YES to yourself

And so much more! 

Daniella González-Toro is a Doctor in Chemistry. After her PhD studies, Daniella became a Beauty Scientist for a Leading Beauty Company. 

 She is also an Integrative Nutrition Health Coach and Personal Trainer and soon Life and Success Coach, where she helps people become the best version of themselves and become an expert of their own mind and body through nutrition, regular and dance fitness, mindfulness with a touch of fun science education.

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Download your free Success Guide for Perfectionists
Become a Holistic Health Coach with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition
Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

CONNECT WITH DANIELLA

instagram.com/dr.danig_wellnesscoach

Thank you so much for listening to this episode! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! If you can think of anyone in your life who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now! <3

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 132 with Dr. Daniela Gonzales Toro. Welcome to the glow life podcast, the one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence, and learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down, you can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Welcome back to the Glow Life podcast. Today I have my beautiful client here, Daniela and I just wanted to give you some updates. Before we dive in. One of the things that I noticed a lot of women in my community are experiencing is high levels of stress, like extremely high levels of stress, total overwhelm with tasks to do total overwhelm with life responsibilities with responding to friends in a certain timeframe. And we're talking about like two hour timeframe or something like that. And all of these situations can cause a lot of stress. Now, we can either learn to handle and manage this stress, or we can find ways to eliminate it in the first place. Because one of my clients recently commented on something where I said, I was feeling really stressed the other day, and it was something that hadn't happened to me in a very long time. And she was so surprised that I actually don't get stressed often. And that wasn't the case, always. I used to be stressed every day. I used to be so easily irritable. Every day, I had to learn how to handle that stress and to manage it effectively. But I also over the years have found ways to completely eliminate the root cause of the stress, right, and there's no right or wrong. But if you truly want to live a glowing life, you better start figuring out the root causes and get rid of those things. It's almost like if you have a headache a couple of times a week, and you just take a pill every time, it doesn't necessarily, it doesn't at all actually eliminate your headache. What if you could find out why you have a headache in the first place, and then treat that root cause that is so much more powerful. So we are doing a three day free training starting next week, on Monday, April 5, and we're going to talk about different modalities around effectively managing stress, quitting overwhelm, creating a healthy work life balance, being better at your to do list. And it doesn't mean you have to quit your job or compromise results. And it doesn't mean that you have to let anyone down at all, you learn to optimize your time, be more efficient, and feel really good along the way. This three day free training is starting on Monday, you can find the link in the show notes to sign up. And if you want to do this with your best friend who is also stressing out a lot and need some help with that. It'll be beautiful if you could invite her or them and join the training together. Because it's always easier to hold each other accountable when you are doing this with someone than when you do it alone. share the link with them in the show notes. And I would love to see you in the free training next week. And before we get started with today's very special guest interview, I want to share my top glow Tip of the Week with you and that is to switch off your phone. Yes, I'm talking about actually turning it off, not putting it into airplane mode, not putting it in a place where you can't see it. Not placing your phone in a different room, not deleting Instagram for a day. We're talking about switching your phone off completely. When was the last time that you actually did that?

Now for me personally, I switch my phone off every night completely, not just airplane mode, turn it off completely. And I always feel so free and disconnected when I do that and in order to I also have better boundaries with myself around the use of my phone, and also the use of social media in particular, and messaging. And like all these communication apps that we have nowadays, it has been so helpful and such a game changer for me to truly set those boundaries, turn my phone off earlier than normal or earlier than I used to, and also turn it on really late in the morning. Now, there are a couple of things to can't happen when you do that. Because you're energetically disconnecting yourself from the world, meaning that the energetic waves of messages and phone calls can literally not get to you, a lot of stuff can come up. So when you do that, I want you to observe what comes up for you. Is there a fear of you not being available? for other people? Maybe for the people you love the most in case something happens? Is there a fear around missing out on something? Is there FOMO? Because you cannot check is there an addiction to comes up where you find yourself reaching for your phone constantly just to check quote unquote, right? Because we're so used to checking all the time. So I want you to observe your behavior as you turn your phone off. And if this is something that you would love to share your experience with me, please come on over to my Instagram and let me know how this has been for you. Because I know in the beginning, it's challenging to do that. But as you get used to it, trust me, it makes you It makes you live a normal life without feeling like an addict to your phone. Give it a try and let me know. And now let's get started with the beautiful Daniela who I had the pleasure to work with over the past few months inside my program perfectionist rehab, and I just loved witnessing her growth and her transformation, Daniela Gonzalez Dora is a doctor in chemistry. And after her PhD studies, Daniela became a beauty scientist for a leading beauty company. She is also an integrative nutrition health coach just like myself and a personal trainer and soon life and success coach where she helps people become the best version of themselves and become an expert of their own mind and body through nutrition recolor and dance fitness, mindfulness with a touch of fun science education. In today's episode, we talk about how she went from working until 2am. To putting her laptop aside at 6:30pm why your sleep is a top indicator for your stress levels and what to do about it, how to set better priorities. And no, you should be your number one priority. Why you should be at the top of your priority list in the first place having more time for hobbies like dancing or your dog plus how to do that how to say more no to others. So you can actually say yes to yourself and so much more. And you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at MartinaFink.com/podcast/132. Plus, I will say at the end we're sharing some incredible and very generous free gifts that Daniella has for you. So make sure you listen until the end. Welcome, Daniela. I am so grateful and so happy to have you on the podcast today.

Daniella González-Toro 8:28

Thank you, Martina, I'm super happy to be here with you. And with your listeners.

Martina Fink 8:33

I remember when we first started connecting it was on Instagram. And I remember you telling me all the things you were doing like becoming a health coach and working full time and dancing. I remember specifically you know the story about dance with you, which I'm sure will we'll dive more into today. And I'm just really happy that I've been able to support you over the past few months in Perfectionist Rehab and help you overcome some of the perfectionism and the high expectations that you have had of yourself. And so I would love to just get to know like kind of introduce you to my community and show how much is actually possible when you start doing this work on yourself and you start putting yourself first which isn't always easy when you work so much. So welcome. And I'm really grateful to have you.

Daniella González-Toro 9:23

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, no, definitely Yeah, I have a pretty dynamic life as you just describe, and it was really good to have you as part of my life to tune a little bit, you know, continue with my responsibilities. I'm alive. But let's say in a more efficient way.

Martina Fink 9:39

Yeah, like releasing perfectionism isn't about becoming a messy person that doesn't care about details anymore at all. There are so many benefits of being a perfectionist and having this attention to detail but it can get to the point where it gets overwhelming and we don't know where to start. So how would you describe that your life looked like that. Prior to working together maybe like six months ago?

Daniella González-Toro 10:03

Well, that's an interesting question. Because I noticed my life like being good. You know, like, I don't have any problems, like, I'm fine. However, now that I see it from a different angle, I think I was a little overwhelmed. And I knew very deep that I had something actually to optimize. And that's why, you know, like, I digging in, in your program and everything, I knew I was looking for something I wasn't sure what. So I will say that it was a little bit of overwhelm. I also didn't sleep very well. And I will say that now I can see that he was a leader on balance in certain areas. Yeah. And I said, it's interesting, because at the moment, like, you don't want to accept that that was an issue. But um, yeah, now I can see it.

Martina Fink 10:55

Yeah. And and it's really always the first step to any change or transformation is accepting that we have a quote, unquote, problem, right? Whether that's you're not sleeping well, or you have racing thoughts, or you never have time for your husband or for you. I know, for you. It's family, that's really important. And maybe you're also really irritable. And you know, it's so easy to get frustrated with the people you love the most, right?

Daniella González-Toro 11:21

Yes, yes, no, exactly. And you know, being a person that you want to take care of others, right, like being a coach, but also trying to meet all their responsibilities with my full time job and everything. It's like, I'm trying to keep it together for everybody. But there's a point where you can lose track of yourself. So I think that was the part that I was trying to find a little more balance because me finding that balance, then I can be present for other people. 100% beautiful. I would love to learn a little more about the sleep thing that you mentioned, how, how was your sleep? or What was this?

Martina Fink 12:04

What were the struggles that you experienced on the on a regular basis?

Daniella González-Toro 12:08

I think my my sleep was affected? Well, I always had a little bit of issues with my sleep. And for that, it's like another podcast conversation. I always struggled a little bit with my sleep, but I think I was losing control also on how do I target optimizing my sleep? Okay, so I think the main problem was that I was just working on too, too late. Awesome. You mentioned I have my full time job. But I also have my half my side hustle. Plus, I do many other personal things as well. So I think I wanted to my perception at the time was I need to do 100% in everything and then spend like million hours in every single thing. So I can be super efficient and everything right, so I was working pretty late on my full time job, arriving home at eight, sometimes I needed to arrive and keep working. Or at least that's what I thought I needed to do. So then, at the time that I was able to cook or do things for me shower, you know, exercise and also start working my second job, I just fail, I didn't have enough time and I needed to stay longer. So I was actually going to bed around two, sometimes even 2am, sometimes even later than that, then having to wake up, at least at seven. So I wasn't really sleeping enough hours. And me as a health coach. I know that's terrible. It's something that I needed to work on. I just wasn't really finding the way to to improve it. It was a little bit of a struggle mainly on that part of my life. It's like I want to do all these I'm being able to do it, but I'm compromising something right. And I was compromising my sleep, which is not the best thing to compromise.

Martina Fink 14:04

Yeah, I mean, our physical energy is really limited, right? That's why we need to sleep every night because we can only overload our bodies with vitality or like energy, not really energy, like energy deficiency until a certain point, like you can stay up for a couple nights and work through or get by with like a couple of nights of sleeping four or five hours, but you won't be able to sustain that in like over years. Right?

Daniella González-Toro 14:33

I know exactly. And the tendency when we do that is that you push it, you push it, you push it, but there's a point where your body wants to give up. And you know, I think I was conscious enough to identify when my body was pushing too hard. And you know, I never got to the point of just crashing however, the way that I kind of recover was okay. I need like this full day of doing absolutely nothing and just sleep all day because I'm not sleeping well and even happen on vacation. And I think you yourself you had that experience before. So it's like, you don't want to waste your vacation or a full day off, you know, just sleeping on trying to recover because you were not able to manage it before. So So yeah, it I think this is very common on people that are ambitious, or over ambitious. And yeah, we can make things work. But there's some way that we can still make things work. And even though we perfect, it's not that you then have to leave one of your jobs or whatever you can continue to do and it will not be perfect, you will not have maybe your full eight hours of sleep, but it definitely can improve.

Martina Fink 15:47

Yes, and I totally experienced the same thing I think the one thing is sleeping through or even working for the weekend, and just sleeping through the weekend. And then also what I've seen and experienced myself a lot too is that when I do get time off, then I get sick. Because before I was running on, you know adrenaline and kind of in physical survival mode, and then as soon as the body gets time to actually relax, you know what, you need to stay in bed for a couple of days and fully recover.

Daniella González-Toro 16:19

I completely get that like I was feeling every time that I finally had vacation or had time off. It's like, okay, now I have a cold because immune our immune system, it's it's been, you know, kind of on autopilot. They're like, keep working for us keep keeping us healthy as we push our bodies, but then when you give it a break, it's like, okay, girl. Now this is happening, you know, and and it's super important that we listen to our body and we listen to those signs.

Martina Fink 16:54

Yeah. And so I would love to know, what was the first thing that you were able to tweak in your daily life with all of the responsibilities that hasn't had the biggest impact on you?

Daniella González-Toro 17:08

Yes. So Well, one of the things that we worked together was on trying to find a little more balance on the work hours, and also help on the mindset of Do you really need to work all these hours, right. So that's, I think the first thing and the thing that I will continue working on, it's know when to stop. I was you know, like, let's say working until eight o'clock, because I have so many things to do. But what is interesting is that you can stop at eight o'clock, but still feel that you haven't done and that that's I think it's pretty consistent feeling all the time, like okay, I work like 12 hours today, but I still like have a lot to do, right. So I was able to start tweaking a little more the hours like I started, Okay, I'm gonna stop at five that wasn't working for me at first, like five was not realistic. So I kind of and and I remember you telling me, okay, like, Can you stop at 630? Right? And I said, Okay, you know, I was just interesting also, because it's, again, trying to be perfect on Okay, I'm gonna start at five because now this is what is going to help me. Right. But no, it's like, kind of tweak and and also understand yourself and see what is realistic for you. So no, it wasn't being realistic for me to start five. However, 630 was more manageable when I started doing that. And what I was doing is okay, I will be aware that 630 it's my time six, I have to start wrapping up. And if I finish earlier, then it's a win for me, right? But if there's a is where I kind of stop at 630, but I stopped at seven. It's okay. You know, so it was kind of where would that mentality of trying to be kinder with myself, but also tried to stay accountable with what we established. And that that helped a lot. Something else that helped is that I was aware that the position at my job that I had was actually making me having to work later hours because I was working in the lab. I'm a scientist. So I was working in the lab and then I really didn't find much time during the day to work on other things. So I needed them to spend extra hours to try to get that done right. And I think still those extra hours. It was a pressure I was putting on myself but I was started getting aware of that and were conscious about and I said okay, if this is not working for me, what can I change? And I started like thinking on other opportunities that I could get my same job but that cool, give me a little more flexibility of time. And I think when you want something and you really focus on that thought And that mindset things start happening for you this like the whole universe made up. All right, so there was actually a position that was offered, that it's not necessarily easier, it's actually more challenging responsibilities position and higher up. But I knew that I was going to be to have a little more flexibility on my time, or I have a little more control on my time. So I actually apply for it, and I got a position. And I, you know, kind of sacrifice some things that I used to enjoy before. But when I balance, you know, now, the flexibility I'm having, on my time on some things that I'm enjoying that actually also important for me, plus, there are things in this new position that I really enjoy, you know, you have to kind of put things on on a scale and why it's important for you, you know, and I think that I was forgetting that I'm important, then that my family is important. And my health and mind was important. So I didn't move. And I think that was a huge step for me to do something that will help me to meet with these new goal of stopping at a certain time and have a little more control of that part.

Martina Fink 21:20

Yeah, I love that you said you forgot that you were actually important, because it's something that I see so much, and ambitious women in today's world, and they identify so much with their jobs and what that means on their resume, you know, that position that they have. And it's it's definitely a little bit of an ego thing of like, you know, but I am in this position, and it's very important. And yes, it is important, but if it, it completely runs you down, it is not worth your life, right. And so I love that you got to the point. And I think that was pretty in the beginning of the program where you were, you were like, you know what, this is not going to work for me, I need to find a better solution. And then as you chose to change something about it, suddenly, something showed up. And that is like having that faith in the universe or God or whatever you believe in, to know that, you know, if I want to go into a different direction, if I want to work less, if I want to change my job, if I want different people around me, as soon as I take the decision, then something will unfold for me because that's, that's how the universe works. We put out a desire, and then it kind of aligned things magically for us.

Daniella González-Toro 22:34

Exactly, and the energy that we put on something, we make it a reality, right? If I put the energy in that I don't have time, or this is complicated, or I cannot do it, or Oh my god, you know, like, this is the only job I have, and why can I do? If we put that energy that will be our reality. But if we say yes, this is my reality, but I can, I actually can make it different, you know, or any, and we are not talking about drastic change. We're not talking about like quitting your job, like I did not quit my job, I stayed actually my same company on everything, I just look for a different opportunity within within my company. I think that it's just how we think about things. You know, sometimes we want to stay in this very safe space, that not necessarily is the best space for us. But it's familiar for us. And you know, that's why we get stuck. We're stuck. And these are things that I knew before it shows that sometimes we need this person in this case was you to remind you, you know, sometimes you just need a reminder, hey, you know, you're here, but you can be here. How does it look to be in your glow live? How does it look, being a leader more relax and sleep a little better? And you're like, yeah, I want to be there. And it just, you know, that accountability, that guidance and that's why I love being a coach and I love having coaches as well, because we all need to meet them in our life.

Martina Fink 24:04

Yeah, of course. And you know, it's knowing something is one thing but actually taking action on that is another thing. And sometimes we just need someone to give us a little kick in the butt or like, pull us out with the loving hand and and show us what is actually possible.

Daniella González-Toro 24:25

Exactly.

Martina Fink 24:27

And how would you describe your lifestyle today? How does it feel to be on this other side of the perfectionism and the high expectations that you used to have?

Daniella González-Toro 24:38

I definitely feel less overwhelmed. It's interesting because I'm as busy as I used to, you know, I still I'm saying that I'm getting this job that it's you know, like more flexible but it's still bc because it's a new role. For me. It's a different role. You know, like I still have to dedicate a lot of time because it's very demanding. So I'm basically that I still have My business, I still have dancing and you know, my family. So it's not necessarily that their circumstances changed drastically, but the way I manage it, and I think about it, it's what have changed. And that's why I feel also more aware. And I think these awareness is helping me to make more wise decisions, you know, like, Do I really have to stay two more hours, I will always, always, every single day of my life, I have the feeling that I need to work longer and harder, right. But having the awareness of question is stepping back one second and questioning to myself, is it really that important? So I that's kind of getting a little bit of my mantra modal, like, Is it really that important? You know, is it really worth that? I don't spend two hours doing this or that I really want to do because I need to be sit down in the computer working responding emails or something, you know, can this Wait, you know, it's just to create these awareness and work with it. And also with the same goals that you have? I don't like to call it goals. I like to call it intentions or the intentions that you have to for yourself, and I'm trying to stay focused on that. That doesn't mean that I'm done. You know, that doesn't mean that I'm perfect. And that I have everything put together already. I'm still working. It's a work in progress. It's a learning experience, but it just be okay with that and keep working on it.

Martina Fink 26:32

Yeah. So beautiful. And there will always be more to do.

Daniella González-Toro 26:38

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Martina Fink 26:40

There is never a day where I go to bed. And I'm like, you know what, I have it all figured out. And I'm perfect. And I don't have anything to do tomorrow. That's just not the truth. And I love that you have been able to shift your mindset around that and just, you know, stop. And every time you say yes to something, you also say no to something else.

Daniella González-Toro 26:58

Right, right.

Martina Fink 26:59

Every time you're like, Okay, let me sit down two hours at my computer and continue working. You're actually neglecting the quality of your sleep, you're compromising with your relationship. You're not eating well, you're not doing the workout, whatever it is. And that's the question that we need to ask ourselves, right? Is it worth the price I'm paying for today?

Daniella González-Toro 27:21

Yeah, yeah, no, very true. And actually, you remind me These are saying no to you know, you're speaking in a different context. But also say no, to people say no to things, you know, like, it's okay, if you don't do everything. That was another thing that I was trying to do everything because, for example, like, I love taking a lot of courses like learning and trainings. And, you know, I love all that. I wanted to say, yes, that everything at the same time, but it's okay to focus on one or two things, and then kind of, Okay, wait until you song and start the other. And, you know, same thing with people with invitations, like, prioritize work with priorities, what are your top three priorities? And then what are less priorities? Do I need to say yes to everything or not, you know, what I can actually handle? How much I can have in my plate? So it's, again goes around to their awareness? And how do we manage these priorities? And always have yourself on the top of those priorities.

Martina Fink 28:26

Very beautifully said. What would you say was the number one thing you learned about yourself in the past month?

Daniella González-Toro 28:33

I think that like to be kinder to myself, in the sense of not forgetting that as a priority as anything else, as my work as my family or my friends, you know, I'm also a priority to you, and I need to be present to care for myself, so I can be present for everybody. So I think kindness, it's one of those and yeah, I feel I'm repeating myself, but it's like, I'm enough, you know, and what I do is enough, also, like, sometimes we feel like, we are not doing enough for some reason. It's this mentality that, Oh, no, you know, like, if I push a little harder than maybe, and it's all about how people will perceive you. And these things, as you know, are hard for me to actually say, you know, because I didn't wanted to, you kind of have to humble down to accept that many times. It has to do with that, like how people perceive you or why do you really, you know, you want to get validation from something or from people. You know, these are hard things for you to recognize. But at the end, it's not about your conscious self is about your subconscious self. These are things that are just ingrained in the back of your brain. And you don't realize it at the moment but it's true, like maybe past experience. says that made me maybe seek for validation for something or it's even a validation to my own self, you know, like, I want to prove myself that I can do these etc. And I think that just having this awareness helped me to, I learned that no, I'm enough, you know, like what I do. It's enough. And if I want to do a little more, it's my choice, but I, I mean, yeah, that's that's it.

Martina Fink 30:26

You are you so are. Beautiful. Now, you know, we talk about the glow life in every exercise. Yeah, questions. What does your personal glow life look like? or What does it mean for you to live a glowing life?

Daniella González-Toro 30:41

Well, my glow life, it's what I'm working towards two needs to have the life of total flexibility on my time, I'm not talking about like, not working, like I will never stop working. But to be able to have more control. I don't like the word control. But you know, your What I mean by that, you know, like, Okay, if I want to wake up in the morning, half, break fast, do exercise, yoga, whatever, and then start working, I do it stop when I want to stop it surprises, to me flexibility of time, it's really important. Also, flexibility of location, that will be great for me, since I'm originally from Puerto Rico, and I live in New Jersey. Now, I Love New Jersey, I love the United States, it's a little cold sometimes. So that's why I would love sometimes to be able to go back and forth and go to Puerto Rico, at least in winter. So that will be great for me. But again, these are kind of the most maybe long term or the you know, but they are leader steps that I'm taking to already start living my glow life and I already have done it. You know, like when I stopped working at 630 I'm already living my glow live, right? Like when I'm able to then go to my dance class or to keep working my business, which I love doing it's work, but it's a work I love doing. I'm leaving my glow life. And when I spend a little time with my dog, and you know, but consciously go and walk my dog I'm playing with him, I'm leaving my glow life. So to me my glow life is that like not forget to do the things that I love doing the things that are self care, like non negotiable self care for me, which to me, it's like dedicating time for meditation or just quiet time like to me I can be my apartment with like North Node technology or like that to me self care. So just make sure that I take time at least weekly. That's living glow light for me.

Martina Fink 32:47

Yeah. And I feel like it's more than weekly for you, you know, you're allowing yourself to

Daniella González-Toro 32:51

Yeah, exactly. And I'm doing it more. Yeah. Before it was like sometimes, okay, I do it at least once a week and 10 minutes, but now I'm actually dedicating time, you know, sometimes I come from work, and I feel a little heavy. At least I do a meditation 20 minutes, you know, so just to recognize when you need that self care.

Martina Fink 33:12

Yeah, I'm so proud of you for how you have shifted and really like shifted from this hustling mindset to you know what I'm important. And I'm going to listen to myself and you have really strengthen that muscle to understand, what do I need? Like, do I need a meditation Do I need to sleep in? Do I need to turn off my computer, like you've really mastered the skill, which is the key, like, it's really the key to learn to trust your body and understand what your body needs, what your heart needs, and then take decisions based on that.

Daniella González-Toro 33:45

Exactly, no, no, definitely. And I'm very happy for that. And I'm very grateful with you that you know, you gave me that guidance. And I feel that also makes me a better coach as well. You know, because me being kinda myself, not having this perfectionist mindset helped me to be kinder to my clients and also not expecting any perfection is some from them. And in many ways, like, I'm already applying that, you know, in my work with them. So yeah, I think it's his his beautiful work. And at the beginning, you know that I was not at either hesitant with the word perfectionist, like, I know, I'm not a perfectionist, like I don't need to be rehab. But no, you know, like these. What that means is, yeah, there are some things that maybe you are a leader to set on your ways, and you think that needs to be this way. But maybe now like what about working around that and it's not that you quit your job. It's just like how we can give you a little more flexibility, you know, a little more awareness and identify those areas that you can improve. That's actually the definition of the rehab part of it.

Martina Fink 34:58

Yeah, and That's exactly what happens a lot. We're so set to our routines. And we just believe, you know, this is the way it is. And it's just how it is this is what we signed up for. No, it isn't, there is a different way. And I love that you. You mentioned that now, what would you tell someone who is very overwhelmed with life, kind of like where you were, you know, the conversation you and I had? Like, I don't know if I can do this. Now. I don't know if I have time for this. What would you tell them?

Daniella González-Toro 35:28

I will say you kind of have to give permission to yourself to see what opportunities you have for improvement. Or Yeah, I will say for improvement, I'm looking for another work. But the word Sorry, but I think that that said, you know, you have to give yourself the opportunity to learn how to live your life closer to what you want, you know, we always will feel that we don't have time, that we don't have money that you know, like, those are the main two reasons, usually that we don't choose to get into a program or to get help or something. And it's all about priorities. You know, like what is more important for you at this moment. And, you know, at that moment, I had many other things that I wanted to spend the money on. I also had a lot of, you know, I had no time and I told you like this is my actually a time wasn't my main concern specially because your calls were during my work hours. However, you know, you were able to adjust it to my lunch time, and I really appreciate it. So it's all about, it's all about how do you prioritize things in your life. And if this is not a priority for you, you will not find the time you will not find the money. If you if you are a priority, you will find it. I think it's that same point. And you can always find a way to get out of that overwhelm the two these are the time that you're doing this is an investment for yourself, the timeline that you invest for you now, it will last forever. So you know, just think the big, big picture of it.

Martina Fink 37:07

Yeah, it's definitely lasting transformations that we achieve in our program. You know, like learning to sleep better and take time for you and calm your mind and all these beautiful habits. That's not something that's just serving you for the three months. It's something that will last not serve you forever. I have a couple of quick questions before we wrap up.

Daniella González-Toro 37:28

Okay. You're putting that face like okay, we're going to ask me Martina

Martina Fink 37:35

What is your favorite Smithy?

Daniella González-Toro 37:37

Oh, Ferris Murthy. Okay, I'm more like a supplement person but I do love smoothies and I love carrots. I like carrot a lot and mango so I like like mixing actually carrot and mango. Yes, I love that one. I love green smoothies as well. But let's say like the carrot and mangoes are more my guilty pleasure. I love beats also the I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right way like the the red one. The beat up is that yes. Okay. So that one I love. That sounds moody. That's more juicing though.

Martina Fink 38:12

I was in the store today and I bought carrots. I was looking at the mango because I normally don't buy mangoes Yeah, because they like don't have a taste here Really? And maybe I'll get one and try. Yeah, I

Daniella González-Toro 38:25

love mangoes. Yeah, it's true is depending what mango are you? You're buying? Like here in New Jersey, sometimes you get good mangoes. Sometimes they are like, No, they're not ready at all. But find a good one and think tastes good.

Martina Fink 38:38

Yeah. What are three things that you are grateful for today, Daniela,

Daniella González-Toro 38:43

I am grateful for the opportunities I have to learn to be in programs like these and you know, to keep finding ways for me to grow. I'm really grateful for that opportunity. I am grateful, of course for my family, you know, having healthy my family and myself, especially in a time that it's so complicated health wise for all of us. I'm incredibly grateful for that. And I'm grateful that you know, like I have the opportunity to do different things that I love doing. I love my full time job. I love my side hustle. I love dancing and finding time for these and now you know having these new learnings also on how I can't manage it better and keep doing what I love doing. I'm very grateful for that.

Martina Fink 39:35

So beautiful. And I love watching your dance classes on Instagram and because I don't think we're open here for dance classes. And I'm like, I'm joining the classes with you.

Daniella González-Toro 39:45

I know you're still a little complicated, but at least you know like they as long as we have the mask our you know, we can do it. So yeah, I know. I know. I know you crave it. So hopefully they open something

Martina Fink 39:59

Yeah. And that's what I love about so many of my clients is they love dancing just like me. And that's just so fun to connect on a different level to and it's not perfectionism, it's all about, you know, the life things as well. Is there anything else you would like to share with our listeners today?

Daniella González-Toro 40:16

You know, I will say that trust your intuition, I think that nobody more than you knows what you need in your life what you want in your life, and that you can make anything possible. You know, again, like I go back to the priorities, what is your priority in life and just go for it and take the action to go there. If you don't know how to take the action, hire a coach, they can help you, you know, is that easy? Or talk to somebody, somebody that you trust and you know, help you brainstorm or what action steps to take and just just go for it. You know, you you deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a balanced life, you deserve to be healthy. So just work for it.

Martina Fink 41:03

Beautiful. Where can people connect with you online?

Daniella González-Toro 41:07

Yes, so they can connect with me on my Instagram page. So it's a letter long NATO, Dr. Danny g wellness coach, so it is probably Martina, you will put it on the caption or something. So it's Dr. Dot, Danny, da n i g underscore wellness coach. So feel free to connect there to enjoy my content. And I actually opened my my Instagram page relatively recently. So I will love I'm creating and growing my community. So I love to connect with you guys too. And many times, I also support some of my Tina's posts my stories and stuff. So follow her too, for sure. So yeah, you can connect with me there and learn a little more about my my program and everything.

Martina Fink 41:56

Yes. And you will have more stuff coming around workouts and health and coaching. And

Daniella González-Toro 42:02

yes, and this year, I'm preparing a lot of very good things that that will be coming in at the end of the year and next year. So stay tuned.

Martina Fink 42:13

Beautiful. And yes, we will totally share the link to your Instagram in the show notes. So it will be easier to connect with you. Thank you so much, Daniela, for taking the time to share about your very personal experience of the past few months. And I just want to say again, I'm so proud of you that you have taken the step and that you've been willing to look at where are things out of alignment, and what do I actually desire and then courageously take those steps towards that life that you desire? Because that's not always the easiest thing to do.

Daniella González-Toro 42:44

No, thank you so much. And thank you for being such a great part of my my personal and also professional growth. I really appreciate it. And guys, you know, Martina, it's a beautiful, awesome coach. So take a look at her programs. She has a lot of courses, programs that she offers around the year. So just go for it.

Martina Fink 43:04

Thank you. Thank you. And yes, let's connect and we will stay connected. I'm like I will one day I will meet you in person for sure.

Daniella González-Toro 43:15

I tell you one day we have to meet and do our choreography. Dancing, I don't know maybe not retreat or something. We can do that when all these COVID thing. And

Martina Fink 43:28

well, thank you so much. Thank you, so great to speak with you.

Daniella González-Toro 43:32

Likewise.

Martina Fink 43:34

Thank you so much. I cannot even begin to describe how powerful these transformations can be and how grateful I am to witness and observe and be part of life changes that will last forever. Now we talked about Daniela has beautiful things that she does and she is so generous to offer a 10 to 25% off her coaching programs depending on the length of the program that you choose. Plus, she is giving away two free coaching or personal training sessions for the first two women who reached out to her so head over to her Instagram right now and let her know that you want one of these two free coaching or personal training sessions and she will be all yours for that time. I am so grateful to have a women like Daniela in my community of wonderful clients and to see how much can happen when you truly put yourself first and you make yourself your number one priority because it ripples out to everyone that you touch. If you are someone who is struggling with overwhelm working until 2am Trust me been there then that you're struggling with control and stress and just that everyone else is more important than you then head to the link in the show notes to grab your free self care guide for Are perfectionist and learn more I'm sharing my top three tips to get started on a beautiful, relaxing, slowing slowing down slowed down work life balance or you can also join us directly in perfectionist rehab which is my signature program a 90 day healing journey out of overwhelm into a fulfilled and glowing life where you can be your number one priority without feeling guilty at all you can head over to Martina Fink comm forward slash rehab or you can also find all the details in the show notes it would mean so much to me if you left us a review for this episode if this has been helpful in any way for you and if it inspires you to live a glowing life for yourself. Follow the glow Live podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at martinafink.com/podcast/132.. If anybody that you love really needs to hear this episode today, please forward it to them right now. I would love to connect with you on social media you can find me at Martina glows on Instagram and Facebook. Thank you so much for being here today and for really caring so deeply about yourself. What you do for yourself is going to impact every single soul that you touch. You deserve to feel glowing and confident. Beautiful.

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#131 Setting Boundaries to Reduce Overwhelm with Catherine Lewis (On-Air Coaching)

Yes, of course I will help you! 

Yes, of course I can do this for you!

Yes, of course I can skip my workout and meditation today!

When you always say yes to everyone and everything, you end up feeling depleted with neither energy nor time for yourself. And you start feeling overwhelmed with all the life responsibilities you've taken on.

Time to reestablish some clear boundaries with yourself around when it's time for YOU to recharge and also stick to these boundaries yourself.

Catherine Lewis is on this episode for an on-air coaching session, where we will identify what the root cause of her overwhelm is, and what she can do to step out of it and take better care of herself.

Over the years, Cath has struggled with weight, PCOS and hormonal issues, high expectations of herself since she was a teenager, and never having time for herself, because she's either working, there for her husband, her dog, friends, and family, which has hugely impacted her mental health and stress levels. 

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, I’M COACHING CATHERINE THROUGH:

• How to lower the high expectation you have of yourself that make you feel fuzzy in your head

• What to prepare and not get overwhelmed when you have to go back to work after a long time in isolation

• What happens when you're too flexible and too giving all the time (hint: not good!)

• A powerful heart/emotion exercise to figure out why she's stuck with her self-care

• How to prioritize yourself when you want to be the best in everything

• How to set better boundaries with herself

• The no. 1 (+ super simple!) thing Catherine needs to do now to decrease the overwhelm of life responsibilities

And so much more! 

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Download your free Success Guide for Perfectionists
Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

CONNECT WITH CATHERINE

https://www.instagram.com/catherinesbarebeauty/

https://www.instagram.com/curlywurlycath/

Thank you so much for listening to this episode! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! If you can think of anyone in your life who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now! <3

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 131 with Catherine Lewis. Welcome to the Glow Life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence. And learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Welcome back to the Glow Life podcast, season number two with the second episode of season two, so grateful to have you here. And today we have a special guest on the podcast. Catherine Lewis is someone who has been following me for just a couple of months. And she joined one of my 2021 Visions workshop earlier this year, we haven't really worked together outside of that. And she is here today for an on air coaching session, which means going to dive into her struggles and figure out what she can do to feel better and release some of the perfectionism and overwhelm and stress that she's experiencing on a daily basis. Before we dive in, I wanted to talk to you about stress and overwhelm. And the things that are making our lives so difficult. The thing is that we have a choice, I was recently talking to one of my clients and she said, "You know Martina, after taking your program, nothing has really changed in the outside. It's only the approach that I have to my work and to my schedule and to my work life balance that has changed." And that's really the key here. Releasing perfectionism is not about quitting your job and traveling the world and selling all your belongings it can be but really what it is, is you establishing a healthier relationship with yourself, with your habits with your time and your schedule, with how you handle your emotions, how you effectively manage stress, and also find ways to not even get into situations that stress you eliminate the stress, right. And so when it comes to effectively managing stress and quitting overwhelm, this is inner work. This is what you need to do on yourself doesn't mean that your outside circumstances need to change they can but they don't have to. And you can still create a lasting transformation for yourself. Now we are doing a free training in my community that is starting on Monday, April 5, where you will learn how to effectively manage stress, how to handle and quit your overwhelm and create a healthy work life balance without quitting your job without compromising your results at work. And without letting anyone down along the way. The link to sign up for free is in the show notes. And you know as someone who probably is experiencing all the things I am pretty sure you're not alone. I loved complaining about the stress that I was experiencing in the past to my friends who were also experiencing stress. So if you know anyone who needs this training as well and who could join you live on these three days, please invite them with you and hold each other accountable for showing up for the training to share the link with them. It is in the show notes and I would love to see you there. Now let's bring on Catherine Lewis. She has struggled with her weight with PCOS and hormonal issues over the years and she has extremely high expectations of herself since she was a teenager and never really has time for herself because she's either working there for her husband, for her friends and family which has hugely impacted her mental health and her stress levels. In today's on air coaching episode I'm coaching Catherine through how to lower the expectations you have of yourself that make you feel fuzzy in your head what to prepare and not to get overwhelmed when you have to go back to work after a long time in isolation and working from home. What happens when you're too flexible and too giving all the time. Hint it's not good for you. A powerful heart emotion exercise that I'm taking her through to figure out why she's stuck with herself care how to prioritize yourself when you want to be the best in everything, how to set better boundaries with yourself, and the number one and super simple thing Catherine needs to do now to decrease the overwhelm of life responsibilities, and so much more. And you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at martinafink.com/podcast/131. Welcome, Catherine. I'm so grateful and happy to have you on the podcast today.

Catherine Lewis 5:35

Me too. And forward to have a packed in there. Yeah, just getting to know me and you.

Martina Fink 5:42

So this is an on air coaching session. So basically, we're going to I'm going to guide you through some of your blocks and your challenges, to see what is standing in the way of you living your very own glow life. And where is also perfectionism and procrastination, high expectations? Where are these things standing in your way? So thank you for coming on and for sharing bits and pieces about your life with us. So I would love to know from you first, what is your biggest challenge at the moment when it comes to perfectionism and you not being able to live the best life that you could.

Catherine Lewis 6:21

Try and be the best at everything. I like to be like the top of the game on everything I do. But I sometimes find the right one locked in one goal.

Martina Fink 6:31

So you find you set high expectations of yourself.

Catherine Lewis 6:36

Yes, yeah. So like anything I do have really high expectations. I've got to be the top of the game in that in that field or session and during that time as well.

Martina Fink 6:47

Interesting. You want to be the best in everything. Does that relate to work? Does that to relate to your relationships, your health, or or all of it?

Catherine Lewis 6:58

All of it. But the place that I let down most is doing things for myself.

Martina Fink 7:02

Yes.

Catherine Lewis 7:03

I just I seem to procrastinate. Look around, just go around in circles. And avoid the thing that I need to do that I know this best for me.

Martina Fink 7:13

Interesting. So would you say that? What else? What is getting in the way? Like, why don't you have time for you? What are you spending your time on?

Catherine Lewis 7:19

Work. Learning new skills. Learning new courses , helping my husband, everything apart from me. Yeah, even the dog down to the dog. He goes first. Friends, friends are first families first. Yeah, just everybody. And I've noticed that in the last few years. It's just, I need to do more for me. And I've recently become a fully qualified reflexologist. In that path, I'm getting to know more than more about what I want to know I want to do.

Martina Fink 7:55

Interesting, interesting. Okay, so I feel like there are two things. One is the high expectations you have of yourself always wanting to be the best in everything. And then the other thing is that you're really people pleasing and putting everything else first including your dog. Because I mean, if you don't take care of your dog, it's going to like pee in your house, it's going to bite you because it doesn't get food right there is like instant constant consequences if you don't take care of that. But if you don't take care of yourself, it's not that drastic, usually. Right?

Catherine Lewis 8:28

Yeah. until it gets to the point when it is yes. Mental health is, you know, a big thing that just gets on top of that person and gets consumed by everything. And it just becomes a big fog. Yeah.

Martina Fink 8:42

And how would you say it sounds like you're still in this space, right? Where you're trying to figure out how can I take better care of myself? And how can I make more time for me? So how does it feel to be in this space, where you're at right now?

Catherine Lewis 8:57

jittery, walk slowly. But I know if anything is going to work, it's going to take time and weird feelings to come through for it to feel right in the end. So I've learned, like, if you're just trying things, even if they don't work, then you can always say I that's not for me. I'll try the next thing. That's my path. At the moment. I'm trying everything.

Martina Fink 9:18

What have you tried so far?

Catherine Lewis 9:20

I do a lot of meditation I wish I never used to do and I do I am qualified everyone and read it. So I'm trying to do that more myself. But then I just find other things that get in the way. So that's a goal of mine to do is just to do that more journaling. I'm trying my best to do it. But sometimes I feel like I just can't put our pen to paper. And like I'm really really bad at setting goals myself, like really bad and like detecting the ball on his hand doesn't actually do when the goal.

Martina Fink 9:53

Interesting, okay. There's a lot of things. It sounds like you're really willing to try but nothing is really sticking To the point where you feel comfortable about it, and it's become your routine, just how, you know, you brush your teeth every day and you take showers regularly, it's not really sticking. So I would like to go back a little to the beginning of our conversation where you shared that you want to be the best in everything, which I completely resonate with. I didn't have so much of a competitive thing with others. I just had that with myself. Is it the same for you?

Catherine Lewis 10:29

Yeah, like it doesn't bother me about to like, obviously, the teams have gone to that my satisfy me to do 20 about more.

Martina Fink 10:36

Right? You're really just want to be the best of yourself, like you want to bring 150% to the table. Why do you think you do that?

Catherine Lewis 10:46

Probably all started when I was a teenager, to be honest, telomeres aren't TV ads were everywhere. So I was on for a month at a time at that age. And then I'd be off for a few months. So hormone hormonal issues constantly. And eventually, then when I was 24, finding out I had polycystic ovaries. And, and I've always been the healthy one of everyone I know. And I do everything in my power to look after myself. And as of September last year, I know pretty much Reagan as well. So plant based life, which is not for everyone. But for me it my body seems to like it

Martina Fink 11:28

Beautiful.

Catherine Lewis 11:30

And recently about specialist appointments regarding the waist and stuff as well, because I can't physically do anymore. So I've just been told that I pre diabetic, so I was like, Well, what do you suppose I do, then you can seem to help. So this is I found out throughout my life, I've got to do everything myself become the best in that field, whether it's making the nicest, I don't know, vegan pasta meal, or our personal and gluten free, my husband's about celiac. So that's another thing as well. So I'm always the one that's learning. So I've just found if I learn, I become good, but I just get a bit confused as I can just leave it as one thing. Just bear with me that one thing for a moment, I just have to do the next thing then. So that's where I think it comes from.

Martina Fink 12:22

Yeah, so really all about not feeling great in your body and having all these issues where you felt out of control and you trying to learn almost got you to a place where you are feeling in control again, would that resonate?

Catherine Lewis 12:36

Yeah, and it's just when I am in control, which I was probably for the pandemic, but new things came came to the surface that and rich knocked me off balance again. So learning to be on my own, which I'm not used to. I'm a social person. I'm an extrovert. And I've just had this massive introvert which doesn't agree with me. Yeah, so like this whole year have been mapped NASA just that's what's making me learn more about me, because I'm with me all the time. That's what I think I need to learn on next is learning to live with myself, learning what my body needs listening to it, we've all got this gut feeling, but we never go in it so

Martina Fink 13:17

interesting. And you're certainly not the only one going through these challenges at the moment. You know, in the past year of isolation, whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, I'm an introvert and I love being by myself, but it was still challenging, because we are not supposed to have any contact relief, or as little as possible. And that is challenging for for any human being because we're supposed to be we're social beings, right? So it's very challenging. And certainly when you're on your own need to figure out who am I really and then all this stuff comes up. And you know, like you said, being with yourself is something that we don't really learn especially in today's day and age with like social media, like every single moment, we are free and we're not doing anything, we take the phone and scroll or go on Netflix or Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and all these things right to distract ourselves. So we don't even know what it's truly like to be by yourself. So now that you have more, let's say quote unquote, time to be by yourself in this past year. Why do you think when you try a new self care practice, such as meditation or journaling or doing the Reiki on yourself all these things? Why do you think it's not sticking?

Catherine Lewis 14:32

Really like I know my head first fancy bus. Every time I do it, there's a mental block or like a fog hanging around. And still, obviously I've got a husband I'm not totally on my own. I see him again, cuz he works currently stem, but he's quite. He is a total introvert. I'm pretty negative, selfish human being but I'm not in a nasty way. But I just need to find a way to like Block, everyone's energy is off and it's just such an empath it just doesn't happen. So for me that I can't find the answer for that, I don't know why I still don't know why I can't change why I can to try and buy things and stick in.

Martina Fink 15:15

Which one of these did you actually? Or do you actually enjoyed the most when you do the amas it Reiki meditation, journaling, setting goals for yourself Anything else?

Catherine Lewis 15:24

meditation probably is my favorite.

Martina Fink 15:27

Okay. So how do you feel when you meditate?

Catherine Lewis 15:31

When I'm actually in the zone, my heart gets away. I feel focused. If I get rid of somebody else, so then I'm totally creative. So she also said that with meditation, totally pans and not before bed, probably first thing in the morning, is probably the best time for me. And I just need to make it a habit that happens every day, at least 10 minutes by just less. Right. It's hard to get back into it. Yeah, I think recently, it's because I'm not in work with my full time job. And I've got a fear of going back to work. I'm thinking how am I going to live this like happy life? as well as go back to work?

Martina Fink 16:11

Yeah, that's so interesting. You're not even going back to work yet. But you already have this stories in your mind? Oh, no, I have to go back to work. How will I be able to live that lifestyle when I go back to work, but until then you're not even living it? Because you're so afraid and so consumed by your thoughts, right? And I totally understand that. And there's a lot of self sabotage happening here, which is absolutely normal. Because it's like that fear of what if I actually am happier? What if things actually are glowing everyday, you know, and I can combine meditation and Reiki and my job and my family and everything together? That's so scary, because you've never had this life before. So what happens is that you are, we have this comfort zone, which is where you're in right now. And then as soon as you want to create a new habit, and you have it is always outside of your comfort zone. So starting a meditation practice outside of your comfort zone, you start a few times, what happens then is that there's this rubber band that pulls you back into your comfort zone, because it's scary out there. Right? You don't know what your life will be like, if you actually meditate every day, you might be calm and focused every day. And how will that affect your relationship? How will that affect the quality of your work? And that's scary.

Catherine Lewis 17:30

Yeah, yeah, it is scary. Like if my husband said, I've noticed a massive change in it or like, Oh, thank God, or is that bad news? I don't know. Because it's totally different times to. So that's even that's a bit like, not wobbly. But like, it's just new. We've been together for 17 years, since we were 15. That's a long time for us both to change and develop. And he's always been the one to change and develop, might take a backseat until last year. So yeah, he's like, I don't know what this person said. This is actually me. This is what I've always wanted to be doing a follow me. I don't care if you don't like it, but it's tough man.

Martina Fink 18:12

Yeah, I love that. So what is so scary for you about feeling calm and focused every day?

Catherine Lewis 18:19

It's not the fear of the artist, the fear of keeping that?

Martina Fink 18:22

What will happen then if you keep in? It's just the fear of the unknown.

Catherine Lewis 18:26

I think it's just, I don't know why I always focus on the band, rather than the now. But I tend to do that quite a lot.

Martina Fink 18:36

Yeah. And it's normal, because you don't know. We all don't know what uncertainty will be like, right? Nobody knows what's happening tomorrow. And we're so used to that because it's everyday life, we don't do much. But when there's something new or something good happening, we were not used to how that would feel. So let's just let's paint a picture. Close your eyes for a moment. And imagine you're really doing this meditation, you get up in the morning, and you take some time for yourself, even if it's as little as 10 minutes. You meditate, you get comfortable, maybe you light a candle, you feel really good. You meditate for a couple minutes. And then as you come out of your meditation, you feel really calm and focused and clear in your head and really connected to your heart. You start your day. And now you imagine that you do this every day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, every day of the week. You continue to do this for weeks and months. Is there any sensation in your physical body that's coming up for you right now?

Catherine Lewis 19:51

Emotional.

Martina Fink 20:00

If you had to pinpoint a specific place in body where you are feeling these emotions, where where is that?

Catherine Lewis 20:07

In my heart center.

Martina Fink 20:12

Can you describe it? Can you see a color or a texture or temperature or

Catherine Lewis 20:18

It's all reflected in between green, green and pink. And then slightly black. Posted being softer vibes and then like a pool, a puddle of water, like swimming, but it's not coming down. It's just forecaster

Martina Fink 20:37

What do you feel like is happening in your heart space right now?

Catherine Lewis 20:41

I just feels caged caged like

Martina Fink 20:48

What is it that would like to come out?

Catherine Lewis 20:51

accordion section, but it just never happens. To me to give you a more like a feeling and background. Just Just take me into like, just pulling me back in into this like, swirl?

Martina Fink 21:09

Does it feel like tumultuous like a heavy energy or is it more

Catherine Lewis 21:15

slow? Rather than being pushed down as being pushed down? Sort of wait? Yes. For my feet?

Martina Fink 21:24

And are you trying to resist it?

Catherine Lewis 21:27

Sometimes, right now? No. Sometimes it does. And sometimes it doesn't.

Martina Fink 21:34

What do you feel is pulling you down? The people around you?

Catherine Lewis 21:38

Just everyone just doesn't understand me.

Martina Fink 21:44

So do you feel like this? What is the thing that feels caged in your heart? We go back to that what is the thing that would love to come out but cannot

Catherine Lewis 21:54

just set just me living my life journey and having my boundaries because I've always been really flexible. My life too flexible. Can you to set clear boundaries for everyone around me like feeling down to even I know you don't like my own time sometimes. But even down to setting times for my own staff to be on my own talk to me. Because I know that's challenging for me. Sometimes I know it's worth it after I've done like a little workout. Yeah,

Martina Fink 22:30

can you place your hand on your heart for a moment. And just breathe into that space and the color of the heart chakra is pink and green. You can pick whichever color feels more peaceful and more loving to you and just kind of expand as like in your heart space with every breath. You can clear out the darkness clear out the fast pulsating energy and just calm that down. With a couple of breaths.

Your thoughts wander just come back to beautiful pink or green color in your heart space.

When you feel ready, you can slowly come back and open your eyes.

Catherine Lewis 23:54

Feels good. Yeah,

Martina Fink 23:56

I can see this smile on your face. So pretty

Catherine Lewis 23:59

are starting to get into it myself. I don't need to put these banners that like for myself, I need to set them on a healthy lifestyle. So customers and people are gonna have to understand.

Martina Fink 24:14

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it sounds like you know, you being feeling like you're in this cage is because you don't set the boundaries how big your cage is really right. So other people just cross your boundaries and step on you until you're actually so caged in your own heart. And that version of you that feels confident and glowing and healthy and full of energy wants to come out but it cannot because there's so many people kind of defining what your boundaries are because you don't have them. They're just, you know, flexible. So it sounds like more than anything. You need boundaries with yourself around like you said. Having a strict schedule that you stick to, and that is the boundary that you need to respect yourself, between work and family and everything and yourself. So if you had to set one boundary or schedule one thing in your calendar, what would that first step be?

Catherine Lewis 25:18

Well, I'm going back to work probably Monday to Wednesday. And starting at 10, and finishing at 6am, not doing 99.

Martina Fink 25:30

Can you kind of decide that yourself?

Catherine Lewis 25:33

Yeah, cuz I'm in college.

Martina Fink 25:35

Oh, awesome.

Catherine Lewis 25:36

But that makes it harder sometimes to set these boundaries.

Martina Fink 25:39

I know. Let me tell you, I know.

Catherine Lewis 25:42

I'm gonna have to do. I've been self employed since 2014. And I've been flexible, and everyone knows that. But that's my fear of making people unhappy. But I'm making myself unhappy by listening, topia.

Martina Fink 25:57

Yeah, and I resonate with this so much, because when I started my business in 2015, I was still doing much like makeup workshops and beauty workshops and stuff like that. And I was my calendar was open Monday to Sunday, like people could book workshops with me on Sunday, Saturday night, I didn't care like I would always make myself available. And guess what, the moment I decided, I'm only going to do certain days.

That's, you know, that's what people adjust it to. They're like, Okay, let me check. And we will always find a solution. So, it is so funny how we believe that when we set boundaries, others are going to reject us or not like us anymore. But actually, they're just going to take the information and find a way around, because they will still want to work with you, you know. So it's going to be so much easier than you think I promise if you just step up for yourself. So it feels like as we get off this call, what is your next thing you're going to do? Like? Do you have to schedule in some boundaries in your calendar? Like do you need to schedule in time for you? Do you need to schedule the time that you work? Do you need to block out certain days? Like what exactly is your number one step that you're going to take tonight?

Catherine Lewis 27:13

And so the next one's probably going to be like mealtime and bedtime, because my husband does shifts I try and get time with him. And but for me, eating late is not the happiest, nobody likes so I guess start eating before him. And then bedtime for me is 10 o'clock the desk?

Martina Fink 27:33

Are you going to bed later at the moment?

Catherine Lewis 27:36

Yes. plus one. Yeah, sometimes not sleeping at all attended to insomnia. So yeah, so definitely 10 o'clock. And then whenever my body allows me to recap, because going back to work, I hopefully I'll be starting around 10 or 11 o'clock. So I can get my exercise and my rocking, but I do daily in meditation.

Martina Fink 28:04

Sounds amazing. I really want you to set yourself up for success. Right. So sometimes we want to create new habits, such as Oh, I'm gonna meditate for 30 minutes every day and when you haven't meditated at all. So we want to make sure that the boundaries you set or actually realistic for you, so that you will in 90% of the cases you'll be able to follow through. So for my example, last year in isolation, I used to go to bed really, really late at like, one 130, because I'm really productive at night. And I decided I don't want to do that anymore. And I started setting an alarm at 1030 to like, go get ready for bed by 11, right. And going from like 130 to 1030 or 11 is too big of a difference for me to actually be able to do that. So what I decided is to go to bed before midnight, and that has worked really well now that I've back to 1130, I can go back to 11. And you want to make sure that it is actually realistic, the goal that you set for yourself because otherwise, you're just going to set yourself up for failure. You'll do it once or twice like this anyway. And you'll go back to 130 or what I feel like shooting for 10pm is a realistic goal for you.

Catherine Lewis 29:22

Not straightaway nor in probably be more like, because it's child robot one. So probably more like less than 30 to start off with 11 or 1130. And that's

Martina Fink 29:34

good, because that's the thing like we always were very, you know, flexible with our goals, like when you are flexible with your goal, how can you actually then achieve it? So 11 go to bed. Do you need to do anything or talk to anyone about this to make sure that you are being held accountable and that you actually follow through?

Catherine Lewis 29:56

I've got beautiful husband because he won't be here sometimes. Yes, it'll be You know, come in be quite left, because I'm a light sleeper, but you can watch Telly and stuff. But just on that note, I will be telling my friends like everybody around me, if you are going to contact me mccollins can be offended, which means that I am on a bed at 11.

Martina Fink 30:15

Yes, nobody call you or text you later.

Catherine Lewis 30:18

No, no customers nobody.

Martina Fink 30:21

Beautiful, beautiful. Does that feel like a good boundary for you?

Catherine Lewis 30:25

Yeah.

Martina Fink 30:27

Amazing. Well done. So interesting how I think we got to the root cause of why you're not sticking to your habits. It's because you're not creating the space to actually do that.

Catherine Lewis 30:44

Like, it's like a puppy is that if you'd like medical free from a young age is always when you're free?

Martina Fink 30:49

Yeah.

Catherine Lewis 30:50

So I need to learn for a puppy.

Martina Fink 30:54

Yes, and you have a dog. So you know, you know how that works.

Catherine Lewis 30:57

I give him both days. So I need to do.

Martina Fink 30:59

Exactly. And it's so hard because habits are so their habits. So we're used to them and changing them are so difficult. Sometimes, I don't want to say it's difficult because it just really takes dedication into decision. But it takes a certain amount of days or you know, time to stick to it. There are studies that say 21 days, there's studies that say 60 days. So whatever works for you, I can't really say what how it really is. But I know that from doing something once or twice, it's not going to stick. But you really need to understand why it hasn't worked. And for you understanding that it is because you're not you're too flexible with everyone else and with yourself. And with your own schedule like that is going to change everything because now you are aware of what the reason is why it hasn't worked in the past.

Catherine Lewis 31:52

And it's just stick into that. And being firm, with myself even when it goes back to seeing people and I never normally like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, new work day. Yes, put a patch up with anybody. On those days.

Martina Fink 32:08

Exactly how I do it to me works really well.

Catherine Lewis 32:11

Just because I can't split this up into six people.

Martina Fink 32:15

Yeah, you totally can't. Beautiful, I'm really excited for you to set up these boundaries and your calendar and your reminders and talk to the people around you so that they know. And please also ask them to lovingly hold you accountable. I'm doing that also with my friends. When I want to start something new, it's really helpful to have them call you out when you're not sticking to your boundaries and and get their support if needed. Beautiful. Thank you so much for going there with me and for being so vulnerable and honest and you know, open to exploring this together. If anyone wants to connect with you, what are ways for people to find you.

Catherine Lewis 32:58

So I have a personal and a business. So different things for everybody. Well, being inside is at Catherine's Barbie do. And personal side is particularly when you have Facebook and Instagram.

Martina Fink 33:13

Beautiful. Anything else?

Catherine Lewis 33:15

No, just come say hi, if you want to if you're struggling as well, I can hold you accountable.

Martina Fink 33:21

Oh, yes, I remember you joined one of the workshops earlier this year and you really loved the account. So if anybody needs accountability, with boundaries in the schedule, going to bed at a certain time, reach out to calf and connect with her so that you guys can keep each other accountable. I love that.

Catherine Lewis 33:42

It was good.

Martina Fink 33:43

Yes, yes. glow girl community. Beautiful. Thank you so much. And I loved having you on here.

Catherine Lewis 33:49

Thank you for being and having me on.

Martina Fink 33:53

Yes. So glad to have you my community. I am so grateful for Catherine, that she has been in my online community of wonderful women from around the world and they've been able to support her through the session for better boundaries with herself. If you are someone who is struggling with overwhelm, control stress, low self worth, and you're constantly over giving to everyone else and find yourself depleted just like Katherine then head to the link in the show notes to grab our free self care guide for perfectionists or join us and perfectionist a rehab which is a 90 day healing journey out of overwhelm into a fulfilled and glowing life where you have a super beautiful work life balance. To learn more about perfectionist rehab, you can go to martinafink.com/rehab if you enjoyed this episode and it has inspired you to take at least one step forward in your very own glow life. It would mean so much to me if you left us a review on iTunes. Follow the glow Live podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything that we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at martinafink.com/podcast/131. If there's anybody in your life that you love that needs to hear this episode and has struggles with boundaries, please forward it to them right now. I would love to connect with you on social media you can find me at Martina glows on Instagram and Facebook. Thank you for being here today and for really caring for yourself so deeply that you've taken the time to listen to this podcast episode. What you do for yourself is going to impact every single soul that you touch in your life. You deserve to feel glowing and confident. Beautiful

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#130 Perfectionists! Stop Controlling Your Entire Life with Apryl Franchini

Perfectionists love controlling... Controlling workouts, what you eat, how you move your body, how many tasks you got done in a day. Perfectionists also like to overthink and often have a very strong inner voice that tends to be extremely mean and loud.

Today, I am speaking to my wonderful client, Apryl Franchini, who has been able to fully release control and perfection in her life and learned to shift from her overthinking mind into her beautiful heart.

Apryl is, just like myself, a certified Holistic Health Coach (IIN) and she specializes in food freedom and body love. She helps women ditch the scale and eat with zero guilt. Apryl recently moved to Bali and is currently living her very own version of the glow life in paradise.

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT

• How she got from feeling confused, lost, overly controlling to becoming her own best friend

• How she ditched her Apple watch and learned to listen to her body's needs

• Why she was still perfectionizing her eating disorder and basically cheated on herself

• How she stopped overthinking everything and started trusting her heart

• What it truly means to be kind to yourself

And so much more! 

Have you downloaded the free Self-Care Guide for Perfectionist? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

Download your free Success Guide for Perfectionists
Become a Holistic Health Coach with IIN
Learn more about Perfectionist Rehab

CONNECT WITH APRIL

aprylfranchini.com
instagram.com/aprylfranchini
More than Body Podcast

Thank you so much for listening to this episode! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! If you can think of anyone in your life who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now! <3

TODAY’S EPISODE TRANSCRIBED:

Martina Fink 0:00

This is episode number 130 with April Franchini Welcome to the Glow Life podcast. The one and only place for ambitious, high achieving and perfectionist women like you who want to leave, overwhelm behind. Turn self doubt into self confidence. And learn to trust yourself again, so that you can work less fully love and accept yourself and live a fulfilled and glowing life. Every week, I'll be giving you tips and inspiration on how to think less, feel more slow down, you can use your body and your daily habits to help you step up, level up and glow up in all areas of your life. This is not just about the big shifts, you can glow just a little more every single day.

Welcome to season two of the Glow Life podcast. So grateful that you are here again after a short break that was so needed over here. And that's one of the first things I actually want to share with you, that I have learned about myself through working through my own perfectionism over the last few years, I would say, I have learned that when something doesn't feel good, we need to change it. We don't need to just push through and pretend we have it all together when really we don't. And that's how I was feeling about the podcast, it became the thing that felt so huge and it felt overwhelming. And I started procrastinating, recording the episodes and getting everything ready on time for my team to upload it so that it can go out to you on time based on a schedule that we had for this. And I started noticing that as soon as I start procrastinating something, there is something that has to change, it is time to listen, when I'm not in flow, I need to get back in flow. And sometimes that means that we need to take a break and do things differently. So I want to give you a really gentle and loving reminder that it is completely safe for you to take a break from whatever you need a break from, it is completely safe for you to do things differently than everybody else would do. And, really whatever you want, you get to trust yourself and to get you get to trust that feeling that is telling you when something is out of alignment, no hard feelings. All that matters is that you do what is right for you.

So my Glow Tip of the Week of this very first episode of season two is that I am giving you permission to listen to yourself. And to leave perfectionism behind for a bit. I don't want you to feel stressed and overwhelmed, or that you're not enough or that you can't get anything done. None of this is serving you. When we feel that we are blocked and we're not in flow. We're not creative. We're not moving forward in our lives. It's time to take a break. And you got to listen to yourself. One of the things that I often do when I am in a situation like this, I asked myself what would love do. In that case, love told me to take a break from the podcast, recharge, get new ideas together, and then start fresh.

Welcome to season two, which is going to be very different from what you have listened to in the past season. From the beginning of this podcast, we are going to bring on more clients to the show because I want you to see the transformations that are truly possible for you when you start to embrace wherever you are right now and give yourself the opportunity to change. Love yourself enough to make a difference and do some work on yourself to release perfectionism. And you get to say, No, I don't want to continue on this overwhelm and stress from my everyday life. So I'm bringing on some of my beautiful clients and I cannot wait to share all of this with you because they're just such wonderful human beings and I want to share their spark with you. I'm also going to be doing some on air coaching on these episodes, which means that someone will come on to the show live and we will do a coaching session together and those are all people that have never worked with me. I don't know what their struggles are before. We get on the call, I just know that they're struggling with perfectionism and overwhelm. And then we get to see what we can explore in a short coaching session, and you get to witness the transformation that someone can go through live on the podcast, I'm really, really excited about this.

If you are someone who would love to do that, and be coached on air on this podcast, you can drop us an email to info@martinafink.com. And let us know, we would love to feature you.

And last but not least, we are also bringing on some special experts in guest interviews, and all of them are going to be in alignment with perfectionism, overwhelm stress, learning to feel that you love yourself and to give yourself the feeling that you are enough. And I'm just really excited to bring all of these different things together to help you on your very own journey to your own glowing life. In the meantime, I also created a new free resource for you if you are a perfectionist and you're struggling with overworking yourself and you have zero work life balance, you only have a work work balance. Basically, I created a free Self Care Guide for perfectionists where I'm sharing three tips for high achievers who are ready to remove, overwhelm and worthless without compromising your results. And without burning yourself out. You will get these tips when you sign up in the link in the show notes and it is completely free. We'd love for you to get a hold of this free guide so that you as a perfectionist can start taking better care of yourself and no, I'm not going to tell you to do face masks. This is a deeper guide.

And now let's get started with the beautiful Apryl Franchini who I had the pleasure to work with last year we started working together at the beginning of the pandemic and she's been through a couple of my programs. She is also a holistic health coach from IIN just like myself, and she specializes in food freedom and body love. She helps women who are struggling or healing from an eating disorder to ditch the scale and eat with zero guilt. And she also has a podcast that is called More Than Body podcast. April just recently moved to Bali in the middle of a pandemic and she is living her very own glow life there. In today's episode, we talk about how she got from feeling confused, lost, overly controlling to becoming her own best friend. How she ditched her Apple Watch and learned to listen to her body's needs. While she was still perfectionizing her eating disorder and basically cheated on herself, how she stopped overthinking everything and started trusting her heart and what it truly means to be kind to yourself and so much more. And you can find everything we talked about today in the show notes at MartinaFink.com/podcast/130.

Welcome, Apryl, I am so excited to have you on the Glow Life podcast today to share a little bit more about your own journey of creating your own glowing life

Apryl Franchini 8:36

I am so excited to be here you have no idea.

Martina Fink 8:41

And you're coming live from Bali, which is so exciting. You have yes to escape the craziness in Switzerland and you're finding yourself in Bali. I'm sure we're gonna dive into that. But really, I want to just take a moment to acknowledge how far you have come in the past six to 12 months, I remember you signed up for one of my mini courses really a couple I would say probably like March or April last year just at the beginning of the pandemic. And since then we've been doing a lot of work together and you know, just really helped you get your mindset in the right place and helped you uplevel yourself love and work through like procrastination and perfectionism and all those things that always get in the way. And so before we go into like how amazing your life is today, I would like for you to take us a little back to where you were about a year ago right at the beginning of the pandemic and how you were feeling back then. What did your life look like a year ago?

Apryl Franchini 9:44

So at the beginning of COVID actually feel like that didn't really hit me because I had just come back from a holiday. So was feeling okay and I actually didn't have any plans for this summer. And usually I have plans for the summer already at the end of the previous summer, you know. So I was feeling kind of good because they thought that everything was working out perfectly, because they went on holiday before. And then still, like I didn't really have plans. But with that being said, mentally, I was still struggling a little bit. Yes, I was still in the IIN program, actually, in March. So I was already thinking about building and open my business. But there was a lot of confusion in my head. And I didn't know where to start, I already had an Instagram where I shared different content to be honest. And it didn't feel that aligned, say really felt out of alignment and they felt kind of lost, you know, I wanted to go in one direction. Or my heart wanted to go in one direction. And my mind was telling me to do something else. And I really felt lost. I didn't know what to do. And I knew I wanted to I remember I wanted to explore or learn how to be more in alignment with my purpose, or actually how to know my purpose. And I wanted to learn more about manifestation. And I remember like chakras and yeah, I just wanted to start a spiritual journey, if you know what I'm saying, you know, I was really superficial, a year ago. And this also reflects or you can see that in the content I was sharing a year ago, I was more into fitness. But not that fitness that it's, it's good, you know, like, it's, it's okay to have like, fitness content. It's beautiful. It's still beautiful.

But what I was really doing, like I said, it wasn't in alignment, so I didn't feel like it was like really helping somebody. It was more a way for me to keep being in my disorder eating without feeling like I was in my disordered eating, if you know what I'm saying. I was still feeling good. Absolutely. Because I've been through a lot when it comes to my eating disorder. So I was definitely feeling good 100% But still, there was this little part of me that was pushing myself to the gym every day and counting how many calories I burned during the workout. And yeah, controlling my not really my weight but simply the way I looked in the mirror and how my clothes were fitting me and everything. So yeah, I just felt really not happy anymore with with myself and I felt like I wanted to change and I don't know if you remember but I remembered that we worked a lot on something counting calories on my on my Apple Watch and moving my body intuitively say remember that with you. I stopped going to the gym for a few months, not only because COVID hit and the gym were closed, but also because I needed a break from the gym. And yeah, it was it was a beautiful journey that one. So yeah, that's a little bit where I was when we first started working together in the group coaching program. Glow Girl Foundations if I'm not wrong, and then I started working with you one on one as well. And that started more for business right.

Martina Fink 13:47

So before we dive into that part because that's when like your transformation starts I really want to kind of talk about some of the pains that you experienced in your life because I know so many people that are listening, experienced the same thing. You know, people who are perfectionist, which I know you are a little bit have this thing that they need to control everything right and for you it was controlling your calories it was controlling that you go to the gym every day it was controlling what you are eating it was controlling that how you fit into your clothes, right and so this control piece is something that is so present for so many people because that's what gives us this feeling of safety like when I can control then I feel safe and I remember you and I having this conversation about getting rid of the Apple Watch right for a while and actually going to the gym without tracking how many calories you burn and, and all of that stuff and actually not going to the gym and still finding a way to feel good and instead of controlling so much finding a way to tune into your body and feel awesome. Your body, what kind of movement Do I need today, because there is nothing wrong with going to the gym at all, if you do it out of love, right, but when you do it from a place of control and fear of like, if I don't go to the gym, I will gain weight. Or if I don't go to the gym, I won't be able to look good in my bikini like all these things, right? Then it comes from this place of fear, where you're forcing yourself. And basically, we wanted to get you to the place where you trust your body. And whatever you do is because it feels good for you. And it's not because of something where you can tick it off the list and say, burn this many calories went to the gym, right?

Apryl Franchini 15:47

Yeah, I, I 100% agree with you. The important thing like there is nothing wrong in going to the gym. Actually, I am going to the gym right now. But it's out of love. So absolutely. The mindset is everything. So what I was struggling the most was like really connect, reconnecting or connecting with, with myself and intuition. I was living my life trying to, I guess, I don't know, feel fulfilled by numbers, if that makes sense. Or feel good, because somebody told me I was being good. So I was more looking for somebody from the external world or something from the external world that would tell me or would actually, yeah, like reminding me, hey, you're good, you're doing something good, you're worth it. Which This is something that you should feel inside, not outside, you know, you're not worth it. Because something had been on the outside, you're worth it, because you're just worth it, you know, from from something from within. So that is exactly what how, how I was feeling. And trying to go back in time. I feel like that was really the reason why I decided to reach out to you and reach out for support. Because it really realized that I wasn't really living my life for me, but more for others.

Martina Fink 17:29

And how did that feel?

Apryl Franchini 17:31

Not fulfilling at all, not in alignment. And I was I remember that one one night, I was actually doing some journaling. And I wasn't really used to it. Yeah, exactly. It was just pretty new. And I was doing journaling, just every now and then. And I remember I was journaling about the fact that I didn't want to live my life like that for the rest of my life. You know, just trying to make others happy, and just trying to appear pretty and worthy. And I don't know, good for others, and not for me. Like, I am important as well. Like I actually am the most important person of my life, you know, and something that you always say I am actually my best friend, you know. So why I was just trying to make others happy and not myself. I was trying to impress others, apparently. And when I realized that I was like, I think I need to change something. Because Yeah, it doesn't it doesn't work like that.

Martina Fink 18:42

Yeah. And that's a big realization where I feel like you're probably everyone listening resonates because we just grow up like that. No, you're you need to please Mom and Dad, you need to please your teachers with good grades and being you know, a well, well behaved child, you need to please your partner and make sure that you do whatever they want and need. And that's just so ingrained in our society that it's really hard to break out of that. And the first step is always to realize it. And you had this realization and your journaling, which is so beautiful, where you're like, you know what, I don't want to continue like this. And that is so great. What would you say was the first step then?

Apryl Franchini 19:26

So looking back now I feel like at that moment when I was writing that, I feel like I didn't even know that there was a realization I just started I was just writing. And I think it hit me a couple days later that maybe this was something that I needed to work on. So I remember I still remember Vedic very clearly how I got to know you. And during those days where I like between me writing those, that thing and Actually realizing that I wanted to have support. I remember that, that I received a memo from IGN. And they were promoting retreats or upcoming events from past students, and you were promoting your retreat here in Bali. And I was like, Oh, that sounds really good. And they feel like I didn't. At that moment, coven wasn't really there, or present like in in Switzerland, or like in Europe in general. So, obviously, you still had your retreat there. And I looked at your profile on Instagram, and I saw you were from Switzerland, I felt so like, Wow, she's from Switzerland as well. This is amazing. I didn't know that. There were like so many other health coaches in Switzerland, because luganda is a very different city or the Italian part of Switzerland is a very different like Cairo, Switzerland. And yeah, I felt like so understood already. I'm saying I just felt super connected with you. So in that moment, it hit me that I wanted to probably, like reach out support from you, because I was looking at your posts and pictures. And I was like, wow, this seems like this seems like the person I really needed in my life, you know. So yeah, that is the first step actually, that I that I took, like, reaching out to you.

Martina Fink 21:37

Oh, so beautiful. And I'm so happy, we were able to, you know, work through all these things together. And it was certainly not always easy, you know, working through these things. And one of the things I remember I also had to teach you is like, reach out when you're struggling, right? You're, you're working with me, so that I can help you. But when you don't tell me that you need help, like, I won't know. And I feel like towards the end of our time together, you were really so used to just saying, you know, Martina I'm struggling with this. Martina, I need help with this, you know, this is going on? Can you help me and I love that so much. Because we often feel guilty to ask for help. And I feel like like seeing you now a year later, as this beautiful, confident woman that has traveled across the planet during COVID completely living your life there and getting clients, you know, from everywhere. It's just so beautiful. And it did start with that first step of realizing I actually need help, or I want help, and then accepting the help and then also asking for it in the process.

Apryl Franchini 22:43

Yeah, absolutely.

Martina Fink 22:45

Let's talk a little bit about what your life looks like now. And obviously, you know, I'm really jealous of your being in Bali, being able to travel, but not everybody might want to travel. But it's not really about you know, you being able to travel and have this freedom. It's really about the feeling that you have today about your life and about yourself that I would love to dive into more. So how would you say you feel about yourself? You mentioned earlier that you're actually your best friend now. So what does that look like?

Apryl Franchini 23:18

Where do I start? It's just so nice in the first place to know that I have my best friend here with me, you know, Everywhere I go, I know that I can count on me. So I'm not afraid of myself or my mind or my heart anymore, which I used to be, especially in my eating disorder. I was very afraid of me in also in the recovery process, because it was always like, oh, but what if the voices inside my head come up again, you know, and now I know that even if something like maybe a voice come comes up in my head. I know how to handle this, you know, and I know how to be kind with myself. I know how to accept these voices in my head sometimes come up, I know how to just to really be compassionate towards myself. And I feel like that is really a list for me what being my best friend means, you know, just knowing that I always have my back and even if I make mistakes, even if I don't finish my to do list for today. I am still a good person. You know I'm still worth it. I'm still I'm still me. It's not Did I am less worthy because I didn't tick off all the things on my to do list or something like that. So yeah, I feel like that is the main thing.

Martina Fink 25:14

I got like full body with goosebumps. So as we were talking, and it's just exactly what you mentioned earlier around, getting the validation from yourself and not from the outside, like your worthiness doesn't depend on how many things you can take off your to do list, but actually how kind you are to yourself and how compassionate you can be. And I feel like seeing you now, after all this work that you've done, I can really feel the shift from your mind. To your heart, you know, in the beginning, you were like I'm feeling lost and confused, and my mind was controlling and I had all these voices in my head, I didn't know where I was going. So there's like a lot of thinking in your brain that almost makes your brain explode at times, right? There's like so much going on. And then over the month of working together, you've been able to bring all of this energy from your head down into your heart space where now you are pined you are compassionate, you feel worthy, like all of those are feelings that we only experience in the heart, right?

Apryl Franchini 26:19

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And I must say, sometimes, I still need to give me a wake up call and tell myself Hey, like, be kind towards yourself, be your own best friend. But I feel like that is part of of the process. Not everything is all like sunshine and rainbows is that how do I say that? I don't remember.

Martina Fink 26:47

rainbows and butterflies, or

Apryl Franchini 26:48

Yes. Yeah. So yeah, I feel like, but it's also nice, because I feel like it. It's exactly on those moments, like the low moments that I realized also how far I've come because they know how to how to handle them, how to nurture myself during those moments as well. And yeah,

Martina Fink 27:11

yeah. And I will say, you know, I go through same things to like I always have, I do have the inner critique, like, those are things that never go away, they will always be there. It's just about how we handle it. And I call this the bounce back time. So how quickly can you shift back into feeling better about yourself? Then you, you know, like, How much time does it actually take you because in the past, when you are in this negative, or, you know, confusing and lost mind, space or mindset, it can take you like a couple of days to get over a crisis, right or over a frustrating situation or moment, like I used to be like that to where I would like, attach to a conflict I had with someone and talk about it for days and spent so much energy into the situation. Whereas now my bounce back time is probably a couple hours. So I just know exactly. I'm frustrated, allowing myself to feel moving through the process, do what I need to do take care of myself, take a break, cancel things, you know, you all know all the things you need, so that you can feel better as quickly as possible. So it's not that we're ignoring all the difficulties. It's not that we don't get them. But we just know how to bounce back so much quicker, because we know ourselves like is that we are our own best friend. So we always know how to help our best friend, right?

Apryl Franchini 28:35

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. And I feel like, of course, we are humans. So we go through this low moments or down moments. And that's completely fine, actually. And they and I remember, like, usually I remind myself this a lot, but it's because of the low moments that we can actually have the high moments, you know,

Martina Fink 29:01

yeah, life is not an even like the Glow Life is not about being happy all the time. It's about getting to know yourself feeling the really high highs. And then when you're feeling low, just knowing that you can treat yourself with kindness and that better times will come again like that's that's absolutely normal. What is what would you say is the number one habit that has that you've been able to create that has truly helped you reconnect or connect or establish that relationship with your own best friend?

Apryl Franchini 29:31

Probably journaling and meditation. Yeah, definitely. I used to journal a little bit and do some meditations. But since I've worked with you, I am very consistent with those and that can feel the difference.

Martina Fink 29:51

Yeah, it's it's a space to have a conversation, specifically journaling, like you actually take the time to write whether it's to you yourself or about yourself, you know, you have this conversation in writing. And it's not just all the crazy thoughts in your mind. So I love that. It's a very consistent practice for me as well, where I just write out some thoughts without expectations without results. It's just about taking the moment to have an actual conversation with myself and check in with how am I feeling right now. So that's really beautiful. And then meditation really helps to just also feel into your heart and what are emotions that are currently present?

Apryl Franchini 30:33

Yeah, absolutely. You know, when I'm journaling, it's really nice, because the, all the you know, I overthink a lot. Notice. So when I am overthinking the situation, or just things in general, putting them on paper, like actually like with my hands and energy, putting them away from my body, helps me a lot.

Martina Fink 31:03

That's why it's so powerful. For example, when you can't sleep, because you're thinking about tomorrow's to do list and all the ideas you have you write it down, it's parked on the piece of paper, you don't need to worry about it. So that's so beautiful. What would you say is the number one thing you learned about yourself in the past year,

Apryl Franchini 31:23

I learned a lot when it comes to, especially moving my body since that was one of the main points that we worked on. And it really do a really deep learn how, what makes me feel happy? and what doesn't make me feel happy, if that makes sense. Like, I also learned where I was lying to myself. Yeah, it's just very difficult one to to answer.

Martina Fink 31:57

Yeah, I mean, you have answered it completely. You know, maybe it's not a number one thing, but there's several things that you have learned about yourself. And that's it. It's really a big thing to realize, where am I actually cheating on myself? Because we're constantly cheating on ourselves. If we're not truly stepping into the kind of life that we desire,

Apryl Franchini 32:20

yeah, yeah.

Martina Fink 32:22

You know, that I'm all about the glow life. So what does living a glowing life mean to you personally, now, Apryl?

Apryl Franchini 32:30

For me, it means really prioritizing myself every day with something that I know makes me feel happy, and loved. And just grateful, grateful for for everything for my life for my body. So it means waking up every day, and knowing that I can really dedicate the morning for myself. And then I know that I can, I have a job that really makes me feel happy, and grateful and fulfilled.

Martina Fink 33:15

And going to cool places in Bali and eating smoothie bowls, from like a tropical cafe.

Apryl Franchini 33:21

Definitely, definitely. But it really, it really means feeling happy and loved in my, in my heart. Just Just that.

Martina Fink 33:32

Yeah. And you don't create that feeling overnight. So, so proud of you for for doing that. And for you know, creating this space for you as well, every single day, because most people don't do that. So this is a big deal.

Apryl Franchini 33:50

Right? Yes, absolutely. And, actually, it's really nice to go back in time and see how far you have come. And you also know that I usually struggle a lot when it comes to celebrating myself, and seeing how far I've come. And I am I'm still working on that. But yeah, it's always nice because in one year, or even in just one month, a lot of can change.

Martina Fink 34:20

So much can change. I remember you coming to the calls, and asking me to dance together because you had something to celebrate, you know, and I'm like, of course I can dance together and celebrate you I love that.

Apryl Franchini 34:33

Yeah, I found it hard and sometimes I still find it hard to celebrate myself. So like knowing that I had somebody to like actually dance with and celebrate myself with feeling like like the better. You know, it doesn't know how to explain but I was like, Yeah, I can celebrate myself if there is somebody else but actually I can also celebrate myself by myself.

Martina Fink 34:58

Yes, just For you, for no reason.

Apryl Franchini 35:02

Absolutely, yes.

Martina Fink 35:05

Tell me what your favorite smoothie is.

Apryl Franchini 35:09

Oh, difficult question. I am obsessed with green smoothie bowls. I just love spirulina inside smoothies, I just love it. So, in every menu, I always choose the green smoothie bowl, with granola on top, and bananas and frozen blueberries, and shredded coconut, and peanut butter on top.

Martina Fink 35:37

So good. What are three things that you are grateful for today?

Apryl Franchini 35:43

I am so grateful for us for being here with you. You just been kind of a long time since we actually haven't like spoken face to face. So it feels amazing to be here again with you. And I am also grateful. Because today I had my day with client calls. And it's always nice to connect with my clients. And I am also grateful for being here. Actually just being here.

Martina Fink 36:14

Hmm. Yeah. So beautiful. Is there anything else you would like to share with our listeners today? Before we talk about like how people can connect with you?

Apryl Franchini 36:24

I reminder that if you are even thinking about changing something in your life, I know it's scary. It's real. Yeah, it's really scary to to change something and to take the first step. But do it really just do it? Because it's worth it. And at the end, you will actually Wish you started before this journey. So just do it.

Martina Fink 36:55

Yeah, do it now. Now's the time. love it so much. So where can people connect with you and potentially work with you if anyone is struggling with eating disorders?

Apryl Franchini 37:05

So I am hanging out most on Instagram and I am a I'm sorry, I am at Apryl Franchini. Yes, April, Franchini. And yes, my name is spelled with a Y instead of an I.

And I also have a website at aprylfranchini.com. And I have a podcast called More Than Body.

Martina Fink 37:33

Beautiful. And we will link all of those in the show notes as well. So anyone listening, please go check out Apryl, this beautiful young woman who has come so far in a year. And you know, I just want to also say that anything that you have achieved and I have achieved in my own life and my own personal transformation is something that anyone can like it's not this is not rocket science, to learn to love yourself and to learn to become your own best friend and be kind to yourself and you know, shift the focus from what everyone else from once from you to the inside. It is really something that any single person on this planet can achieve. So we're not special guys. We are not.

Apryl Franchini 38:21

Yes, we are just humans here. So

Martina Fink 38:26

Thank you so much for coming onto the show today, Apryl and for sharing so openly about your own journey and your struggles and how you know you've been able to transform over the past couple of months. And it's just so beautiful to see how you're thriving now in your in your life and with your clients and how you everything that the kind of work that we've done together, you're now able to pass that on to all your beautiful women in your community. And like that is really how we make change. We don't just make it for ourselves, we make it for the people and for the lives that we touched. So whether that's your clients, your partner, your children, you know, we always it always ripples out. So I'm really proud of you and for the hard work you have done and thank you so much for sharing this with me.

Apryl Franchini 39:13

Of course, thank you for being such a great coach and mentor.

Martina Fink 39:19

I am so grateful to have Apryl in my beautiful community of wonderful clients and to see her efforts and self love that she built over this past year for herself ripple out to all the women that she touches with her work but also outside of work.

If you are someone who is struggling with overwhelm control, self love, low self worth stress, and you have a lot of negative self talk and perfectionism just like Apryl used to head to the link in the show notes to grab your free self care guide for perfectionist or you can also join us and perfectionist rehab which is a 90 day healing journey out of overwhelm into a fulfilled and loving and glowing life. You can find all the details on martinafink.com/rehab. It would mean the world to me if you left us a review for this episode if this was in any way helpful for you and inspires you to live your very own glowing life. Follow the glow Live podcast on iTunes and Spotify and for everything we mentioned in today's episode, you can go check out the show notes at MartinaFink.com/podcast/130. If somebody that you love and truly care about needs to hear this episode, please forward it to them right now. I would so love to connect with you on social media you can find me at Martina glows on Instagram and Facebook. And thank you for being here today and for caring for yourself deeply. What you do for yourself is going to impact every single soul that you touch. So it's all so worth it. And don't forget that you deserve to feel glowing and confident.

---

WANT MORE? GET YOUR FREE SELF-CARE GUIDE

3 Tips for High Achieving Perfectionists Who Are Ready to Remove Overwhelm and Work Less

...WITHOUT COMPROMISING RESULTS AND BURNING YOURSELF OUT

I created a free self-care guide if you’re someone who always puts everyone else - especially work! - first and needs some tips for perfectionists to slow down again! Click the button below to download your self-care guide for free:

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.

#129 Harmonic Health and Healing with Dr. Linda Lancaster

If you're somebody who skips lunch or eats at your desk, because you're always so busy that you "forget" to eat, this episode has the power to change your life forever. We're talking deep health things today and you will not want to ever go back to the health habits you have now...

Dr. Linda Lancaster is an Energy Medicine physician and the founder of Light Harmonics Institute, an Energy Medicine Clinic and Educational Center. Her training includes Ayurveda, Yoga, subtle energy healing, counseling, nutrition, herbal medicine, detoxification and more. After kicking off her health journey as a yogi and vegetarian chef in the 70's, Linda now guides her family, community, and patients to achieve holistic balance and fulfillment in life.

Dr. Linda is the author of the book "Harmonic Healing", which is a culmination of 40 years of practice and tools that she uses for her own health and her patients. 

IN TODAY’S EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT

• Why your health should be the no. 1 priority you pay attention to

• The power of our bodies' innate ability to heal themselves

• Why you should bless your food every day

• Her top tips to eliminate toxins and get started on a harmonic healing journey

• How to open yourself up to receive love and heal emotionally

And so much more! 

You can find the full show notes here:
martinafink.com/podcast/129

Have you downloaded the free Perfectionist Self-Care Bundle yet? Click here to access it:
martinafink.lpages.co/perfectionist-bundle

EPISODE RESOURCES

The Milk Cleanse
Materia Medica
Books by Rudolf Steiner
Heal Thyself - Edward Bach

CONNECT WITH Dr. Linda

lightharmonics.com
Light Harmonics Instagram
Light Harmonics Facebook
Dr. Linda Lancaster Instagram

Thank you so much for listening to this episode! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! If you can think of anyone in your life who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them right now! <3

---

FREE BUNDLE

The 3 Steps High Achieving Perfectionists Can Take
For A Healthier Work-Life Balance

These Are The 3 Elements Included In The Perfectionist Self-Care Bundle

01 Where Is Your Self-Care At?

With this quick assessment workbook, you will be able to detect where you're at with your self-care and what your next step is to improve the quality time you spend recharging yourself.

02 Why Is Self-Care Important for Perfectionists? And How Do I Start?

Self-care is key for a healthy work-life balance for high achievers. You work a lot and you're easily stressed, right? Get my top 6 tips to kickstart your self-care without feeling overwhelmed. Shift from "doing" to "being" and find peace in your busy life.

03 Full Body Stress-Release Meditation

Stress and overwhelm isn't jut in the mind. It also shows in your cells, your muscle tension, and your hormones. Relaxation start with releasing stress from the physical body. Take a moment to relax every single part of your body to get grounded again.

---

DISCLAIMER

All material in this episode is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. No action or inaction should be taken based solely on the contents of this podcast episode. Instead, readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being.

The information and opinions expressed here are believed to be accurate, based on the best judgement available to the speakers, and readers and listeners who fail to consult with appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. In addition, the information and opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of every contributor. The Company acknowledges occasional differences in opinion and welcomes the exchange of different viewpoints.